Wednesday March 16 2011

DREAM: In some kind of thrift shop. A PA system is set up for a live band within the aisles. The speakers are placed in an acoustically inefficient manner, one facing the bookshelf and the other facing into the store. I’m walking through the aisle and browsing some of the products. It’s understood I may or may not be performing. An amateur church group gets up to play some tunes—it all seems fake—their positions don’t make any sense because of everything being set up in the aisle. I’m caught in the middle of it.

Waking up 5:30 p.m.

Breakfast: Cinnamon Raisin Toast with Butter. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin D.

Work at China Wok—a joke—one order then ordered to go home—no business.

Stop at Trader Joes. What’s up Daniel?

I spot Jon Reynolds walking in the plaza with a girl. “What are you doing here? This is my turf!”

Search Engine Evaluation.

Taking Margot to Guadalajara for Mexican food.

Noticing the other couples there—some sitting next to each other and some sitting across from each other. She thinks it shows how much people are in love or not. We choose to sit side by side.

I order the bean quesadilla but they bring a beef one instead. I guess the word bean sounds like beef when said by someone with a shot voice. The chips and salsa are wonderful.

She’s really stoked about me being out with her—exchanging kisses and affection of the like.

Back in my room—a fire—an eagerness—unbuttoning her freshly purchased black and white secretary dress with a red belt—she’s not drunk and she wants me—Oh how I want you too darling! My drive and stamina are at a beautiful height and it’s you that I desire. Her blood-red high heels are the only thing left on her brown buttery body. She’s my queen. She’s my lover and I love her. Pushing in and out with such fervor and zest—the moaning oh’s and yeah’s and baby’s resound in our ears.

We’re meeting up with some of her friends at Harpoon Larry’s. On the drive I can feel the endorphins flowing through my body. “It’s been way too long.”

Sipping on an Amstel Light and enjoying her warmth and the company of other inviting people. I’m peer pressured into a few shots. She’s very responsive with me. So this is your world.

She exclaims a few I love you’s and seems very excited that I’m here with her.

Her: “This is a trial run.”

Me: “A trial run? I hope I pass.”

She’s pretty drunk at this point. I bring her back home. Immediately I tuck her into bed. I join her for more lovemaking. Its kind of strange because she’s sort of blacked out I guess. She seems to be enjoying it but out of nowhere towards the end she keeps repeating, “I need to go home. I need to go home.” “Margot, shhhh. You’re not going home right now. Just relax.” Then, napping.

Josh and Josiah are hanging out in the living room with a few people, two girls from LA and Kelley with a friend.

Eating a Carrot with Pita and Hummus.

Newspaper route.

Coast to Coast radio—Major Ed Dames is discussing the skill of remote viewing, which is a sort of ESP technique used to predict upcoming events. He’s very certain another “mass human-death causing” earthquake will happen soon on the New Madrid Fault and St. Louis will be hit hard.

Eating a Cinnamon Sugar Donut from 7-11.

She’s calling me on the phone while I’m still delivering. “Why am I naked?!” She can’t remember what happened after she got back to my house. I try to explain. She’s so cute.

Text: “Hurry back! I miss you!”

I finally return home. She informs me she got on my computer and snooped on my Facebook account, mainly because she wanted to see those messages from Katie, Les’s girlfriend, to whom I’ve been conversing with about the incident between Margot and Les [I told her I would show her them earlier anyway]. And then she said she found other messages from almost a year ago involving me using the term “babe” to refer to a friend I met in the Philippines. Oh lord. Here we go. She’s really upset about it because she obviously still thinks I’m holding secrets from her and can’t stop digging into the past. I try to explain that nothing happened with that girl and that it’s such a finicky thing to get riled up over.

“Margot, I never cheated on you when we were dating. I promise you. When are you going to learn to trust me? We can’t move forward until we learn to trust each other.”

This whole thing is just silly because I feel like it’s irrelevant to what’s happening now.

“I love you so much, baby. Don’t let something so minute ruin this, please. I’m not gonna hurt you. I want to be yours so bad. I want you! Stop this!”

Eventually I’m able to cool her off by being sweet and whispering in those cute little ears of hers.

Sex. Third time’s a charm. As soon as it’s finished she abruptly says, “I want a slurpie!” She’s adorable.

We take a walk to 7-11 for a slurpie.

“I feel lucky. You’re such a jewel.”

Eating an Egg Sandwich with Milk and Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups.

I really need to sit back and think about this for a minute. She’s been responsive to me as of late and seems to be letting me in, like opening the door for me to prove myself again. I want to take it slower but don’t know how and I’m sure she doesn’t either. I think the telementation skills I’ve been studying about have been working—the power of the laws of attraction. If I want her. If I know and feel I will get her. It will happen. It’s a cosmic attraction—feeding off each other’s desires—even when we’re apart, the distance, I can produce enough of an allure for her to sense and connect with, hence her missing me. And it’s also coming from her end that I feel the allure. It’s beautiful. Day by day.

Search Engine Evaluation.


Returning to bed next to her.

Sleep 10 a.m.

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