Monday July 7 2014

Gourmet. Kidchan.[i]

Waking up at 10:45 a.m.

Honey Crunch n Oats with Almond and Vanilla Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok. It's my fourth day in a row – it's been a long work weekend but it's going by in a blur.


Banana. Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

It feels like a weekend day it's so busy – odd for a Monday. Darren gets called in to help with the dinner rush. We do the best we can even though some of the routes are spread out in all sorts of directions.

Towards the end of the night Elliott and Kenny show up at the restaurant. They ride with me on a few deliveries. One of them is an $88 order for the Holiday Inn. We all cram into the elevator along with a couple families. At least five different buttons are pushed for five different floors. The elevator stops at 2. A guy that works at the hotel sees all of us packed like sardines and says, "Uh...I'll just take the stairs," and runs off. We all share a laugh.

Off work and back home. Darren, Devon, and Kevin are playing some dice game at the dinner table. I enjoy my Chicken with Broccoli and Rice with them. Ana strolls in peeking around the corner like she always does when she enters a room, scoping out the environment before she fully walks into it, similar to a cat I point out.

Ana and I had a very specific plan. We talked about it earlier today – it's been too long since we made love but we also wanted a night all to ourselves. So we decided to have "our night" this Wednesday. However, we both thought Wednesday was too far away. Tonight the plan was for her to come over, have passionate sex, and then I go off on a bike ride while she goes to sleep. And we would still meet up on Wednesday too. Upstairs, I start to playfully suggest things for her to do, like a mating dance or seducing me. I'm only being half serious but she kind of takes it the wrong way and the mood is ruined. But I also confess my plan to eliminate added sugars to my diet and knowing how important sweets are to Ana and how she really enjoys sharing things of that nature with me this isn't very uplifting news. Enjoying a sweet treat about once a month will be the exception for me. At any rate, the whole rhythm of our plan is put to a halt. This sparks some feelings she's been having lately about our relationship. She's not comfortable in the relationship. She thinks I have these expectations of her to be somebody that she's not. All of this is a little silly in my eyes because I just want her to be herself. A lot of this has to do with the fact we've both been very busy working at our jobs and doing group things with friends. There's been no true focus on each other. One night a week is about all we have time for nowadays.


Her: "I don't get all the affection I wish I could have from you because you know we're both so busy..."


Her: "It's possible for you to be the kind of guy that I want but I just don't think that you and I are compatible in that way. I can't be with someone I don't think I can be compatible with. I've been noticing it a lot more recently."


Me: "I just don't think the problems you think we're having have anything to do with the chemistry of the relationship. I think it has to do with extenuating circumstances. Sometimes our lives get busy and we don't always get to see each other as much as we want."


I need to take a shower so I put a pause to this conversation. Maybe fifteen minutes of hot steam and a good cleaning will put things back into perspective. When I come back into the room she tries to pull a dramatic number by handing me a handwritten note card and attempting to leave while I read it.

"Sorry. I can't be in this anymore. I'm not comfortable. You and I deserve more than we provide for each other, mentally and especially physically. We are not a match."

"What?" I protest. "You're not just gonna leave."

I'm a fighter and I don't take kindly to melodrama. I just think she's a little overwhelmed by her feelings and she's quitting too early on, which she admits she has a problem with that. Look at me – here I am fighting once a gain, fighting to keep a relationship going – I've been here before, in this same situation with other girls. They want out and I won't give in. The difference here is that I truly believe in this companionship with Ana. There's really nothing wrong, nothing so wrong that we can't handle.

Eventually, we lie down on the bed, our arms and legs intertwined. She speaks softly to me and says the one thing that solves and puts an end to the distressing episode we just had, "I'm sorry. I love you." I break to take care of a couple things before we go to bed. But as soon as I lie back down next to her she's caressing me all over. An extra long sex session ensues.

[i] Gourmet. Kidchan.

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