Wednesday December 26 2012


☼ ○ ▬

I’m trapped on a battleship in the middle of the ocean but it doesn’t house aircraft or anything like that. It’s only function is this mechanical machine built in the center of the ship...a big pool arena where they’re running tests on this new technology. The design is similar to that of the robot shark creature in James and the Giant Peach (1996) or the giant digger machines from The Matrix movies. The team that works here forces society’s delinquents to be a part of the government experiments. But it’s not so bad as it sounds. I only have to be inside the pool arena and merely observe this colossal construction. Here I am wading in the water – waves begin to ripple around me – a line of huge saw discs spinning at the far end of the ship where it opens up out into the ocean. Any unsuspecting victim would be shredded to pieces if sucked up into this thing. Then, I watch ridge-lined rollers begin to press along the surface of the water like a meat grinder. Even though I’m safe from its plunder it’s still all so terrifying. I manage to escape to the top level. I find a few pieces of clothing to disguise my appearance. I climb down to the mess hall where a lot of people are waiting in line to get tickets off this God-forsaken ship. A government worker recognizes who I am.

I reassure him, “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna resist.”

Then I rise from my seat and throw two rocks with superhero speed; they knock him and another down on the floor. A tall black man with four arms marches through the glass doors with intent on crushing me. I hide behind a Hispanic woman. I imagine darting outside on the deck and then flying straight up into the sky.  

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 12:46 p.m.

Oranges. Hot Green Tea with Honey.

Chatting with Aysena on Skype. Briefly she meets my dad, my stepmom, and my stepsister. She was worried about meeting my father for whatever reason.

Me: “See? That wasn’t so hard.”

Ays: “I was worried he was going to ask a lot of questions.”

Me: “No. But when you meet my mom she will ask you a lot of questions. But she’s very kind. She’ll just hug your heart.”

My dad and I head into town for some father-son time. Getting lunch at LongHorn Steakhouse.

Salmon Salad with Bread and a Killian.

It’s nice to be able to get down to the brass tax of life – sharing thoughts and ideas on politics, his newly acquired daughter, and memories.

Dad: “I think sometimes God has a purpose for you. And...I’ve done a lot of things in my life I’m not real proud of...some of them good things, some of them bad things but...God’s blessed me and I’m glad I could bless her [Jennifer] and it will totally change her life. If she stayed over there [Honduras], who knows. Now she’s got an opportunity of a lifetime.”


There’s a painting on the wall of two cowboys on horses with a western desert backdrop.

My dad points out, “I’d of liked to live in that time.”

Me: “So you wanted to be a cowboy huh?”

Dad: “Well I’d like to live in that day. I think it’d be cool. It’s kind of wild. And you had to live on what you made.”

Me: “Everyone had a horse.”

Dad: “Grow your own food. Raise your own cows.”

Me: “You can go to Texas and do that right now. They got ranches there.”


Me: “So what’d you wanna do when you were little? You must’ve had a dream or something.”

Dad: “Ah well you know. I didn’t have much of a choice. Because of what happened to mom and dad I didn’t have much of a choice.”

Me: “Well before you didn’t have a choice, what’d you wanna do?”

Dad: “Well my dad always wanted me to be a doctor. But it didn’t turn out that way. Ha! I always wanted to be a schoolteacher though. Teach school and coach a sport. I think when I retire I might put in to be a substitute teacher.”


Dad: “Pretty soon you need to make a choice of what you gonna do.”

Me: “Well it’s not a matter of choice, it’s a matter of getting there. I know what I wanna do. Right now I’m trying to clear the weeding things out of my life that are taking up my energy and time that I could be putting into music.”


Me: “Still not married yet either.”

He grins and says, “No. Heh-heh-heh. If you ain’t ready don’t do it.”

Trip back into town with the whole family. On the military base, a place I have many fond memories of as a child when I used to stay with my dad in the summertime. We go bowling; it’s a penny a pin tonight apparently, meaning every pin that gets knocked down you only pay a penny for. It’s funny being here and hanging out for the past two days. I feel like a kid again – my dad pays for everything. Patty and dad sit on the sidelines and watch Jennifer and I bowl four games into oblivion. I can’t even remember the last time I bowled. My hand is amateur for sure. An expert group of oldies bowl in the lane next to us – they’ve got their own custom-made balls, gloves, and everything.


Afterwards, we coast through a few nearby neighborhoods that are renowned for having extravagant Christmas lights and decorations in their yard. Then we stop at a McDonald’s for Lattes.

Back at the house. Eating some Pumpkin Pie. Jennifer and I hanging out in the guest room – talking about our family history – talking about what she wants to do later in life: be a doctor or be a flight attendant – snapping photos via webcam (divertido). Qué lindo.

Suiting up in my red hoodie and jogging around my dad’s neighborhood. It’s after 1 in the morning and not a soul is stirring. The wind is brisk on my face. I close my eyes for a minute while running and it almost feels like I’m flying.

Settling in with a plate of leftover Turnips, Mashed Potatoes, and Collard Greens.

Watching Stake Land (2010).

Sleep 3 a.m.

[i] Shark Robot. Design by unknown.

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