Thursday December 6 2012


☼ ○ ▬

I’m a part of a military mission to invade and take over a facility currently in possession by hostile forces. I’m standing on the roof and watch as the artillery and tanks across the way shoot away in slow motion. I move slowly but swiftly and dodge the missiles and bullets – some just brushing past my sleeve. Climbing up an arched ladder and swinging over the side. The vast cloudy skies surround me. I didn’t realize how tall this building actually is. Just one slip of the wrist and I fall into oblivion. I hang onto the metal rods of the ladder with a tight grip and dive in through a window to a room below. I’m safe. My comrades have already moved on. A soldier from the enemy’s side peeks his head from the roof. I reach my hand out and help pull him into safety. I don’t know why I helped him but he’s grateful. And at this point we’re all just trying to survive. The whole scene transforms...Now I’m riding in the back of a pick-up truck – still on the same mission, except this time we’re transporting special goods across country in some Muslim African community. The truck is speeding along a dirt road. A few black rebel forces somehow magically run at the same pace and attempt to loosen the trailer attached to the truck. I bang on the side windows of the truck and request a gun to defend myself. I’m handed a semi-automatic. I cock it immediately as if I know what I’m doing (it’s not like I’ve ever shot a gun before). I point at the little black guy who’s messing with a device on the side of the truck. I start yelling and he yells back. I shoot the gun at his face and chest but the hits are weak and they make a smacking sound. It seems this gun is useless, or maybe I’m just not using it correctly. The situation is getting progressively more stressful as more and more of the rebel forces hop on the truck and dismantle things. My gun seems to be worthless.                              

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up around 1:45 p.m.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

Continuing the case development for my warrant in debt from my former roommate. It’s a shame I have to put all this effort into obtaining money that is already mine to begin with. Thank God for the legal system.


After using my research skills I get Darren’s help to call a few numbers I found to verify where my former roommate lives and works. We’re like private investigators. We’re stoked on how successful and easy it is to do stuff like this.

Grilled Cheese with Tomato and Hummus. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Pomegranate Cherry Ade.

Watching a Vice documentary on hitchhiking.

Sipping on Coffee with Honey and Milk while catching up on writing.

Exactly 49 days ago I mailed a small package to Russia for Aysena. She messages me that she got it today and she’s super happy about it. I sent her a copy of The Catcher in the Rye and A Wrinkle in Time, along with a homemade bookmark drawn with marker and a plastic jeweled ring. We’re both happy the package actually made it through the hell that is Russian Post. Russia is notorious for losing mail. Unfortunately, the iPhone that she bought and that I sent back in October still hasn’t been found. But at least this guy made it.

Ays: “oooo my goooosh!! I like you sooo much!!! yesyesyesyes!!! I got it, can you believe?!?? im soooo happpy !!! yeeeeeeeeees!!! I like you like you I like. you can't imagine how it helps me, how it makes me smile and makes my day better!!! you are the best! kissssss you everywhere !!!! lots of kisses to my sweet boy. I m like 5 y.o girl who s going to Disney land on her birthday.”


Ays: “I m so happy. on seventh cloud.”

Me: “not 'on seventh cloud'. hehe. you should say I'm on cloud nine right now.”

Ays: “which then in russian it will be on seventh. haha.”

I absolutely love the lost in translation moments when she says something unknowingly incorrect but still comes out in a sweet understood way.


Later she says, “im so grateful to have you in my life james robert smith
you always make me happy
knowing you was the best thing happened to me in this year!
thank you thank you thank you
im thankful to be surrounded by so much "Likes" (i know we avoid "this" word) by you
im involved with you. you are so spiritual such awesome unique fantastic exclusive special just One inda whole world !
thank you for making me happy and still continuing to believe in us!
i want to hug you and never let this warm go away
[insert smiley kissy face]”


I feel a strange combination of distance and closeness with Aysena. It’s a unique relationship it being long-distance. Part of me doesn’t feel obligated to her but another part does. If she ever wanted to move back to Virginia after she finishes school I would be okay with that. I would be okay actually attempting a real relationship with her. I don’t consider what’s happening right now real. It’s sort of a fantasy...two people holding onto an idea hoping it will come into fruition. We’ll see. For now, I have my life here. And I find it difficult at times to stay loyal to my original feelings for her during this physical absence.

Leftover White Fish with Salsa, Broccoli, Carrots, Onions, and Rice along with a Salad.

At the storage unit prepared to record some guitar only to discover there’s computer troubles once again. And it’s always these minor bumps that cause major setbacks. Whatever. I’m here so I mine as well just crunch out some other tunes.

Bosc Pear.

Sleep 4 a.m.

[i] The Ryugyong Hotel In North Korea.

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