Thursday January 2 2020


Waking up at 10:30 a.m.


Bowl of Granola Cereal with Almond Milk. English Breakfast Tea.


We head over to visit mom at the hospice center. Once again she’s got a crowd of people surrounding her. It’s like a party in here. Kevin and Stacy show up again. This time Kevin and I play a few duets on violin and guitar. I play one of the original songs we came up with many years ago. Filling the whole room up with beautiful music as she closes her eyes and shows a smile of peace.




Ana’s mom brought her shrimp and crawfish. She really wanted crab legs but this was our best bet. Lately, mom’s been eating whatever and anything she wants. I’m really glad she’s able to enjoy flavors and taste.



At some point I create a private moment between my dad, mom, and I. We sit on either side of the bed. I just wanted to have a conversation with the three of us.

“I’m just so grateful…” I start to say but before I can even finish I start crying.

“It’s okay,” my dad says. “It’s okay to cry.”

He walks over and comforts me while I keep my head leaned into my mom’s arms.

Dad asks mom for forgiveness for things. It’s a beautiful moment of love and acceptance. We talk about the first time they met back in 1980, a monumental moment that was the first step to my existence. They met at a club inside a Holiday Inn off Military Highway in Portsmouth. They witnessed some guy walk right into the double glass doors and that sparked a conversation between the two of them. Wow, I think. What if this guy was careful and watched where he was going or maybe didn’t drink too much that night. My parents would’ve never met.


My dad and I leave around 4 and grab something to eat at No Frill Grill. I order the Fish n’ Chips. We talk a lot about everything and what he had to go through when Grandma Smith died many years ago.


At Music Makers for a few lessons. I felt the need to be here despite all that’s going on. Sometimes it’s good to stay busy a little and get a bit of a distraction. After everybody leaves I start closing up. Of course I start feeling a little empty cause of mom. Her mark of love is all over this place. She was a huge part of what made Music Makers warm and inviting and feeling like another home. I start contacting a few people I needed to tell about her. When I start texting Jimmy, my stepdad who’s in Florida, I can’t even finish the text before I start weeping. I have to keep pulling myself together cause the whole day I’ve stayed on the verge of crying.


I’m summoned back to the hospice upon mom’s request. She has a few other people around visiting. Melanie and her son Luke and Sam. Karen Iverson and her daughter Madelaine (a cancer survivor who knows all too well about this situation). I sit on the piano and pluck the keys again. A friend of Madelaine’s comes in who sits with mom speaking all kinds of inspiration and praying with her. It feels like we’re in church as I continue the soft keyboard music in the background.



Back home. Sleep early at 2 a.m.

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