Wednesday February 6 2013


☼ ○ ▬

I’m visiting Margot in a dorm that she just moved into. It’s understood she enrolled in some college. It’s also understood that I’m somewhat famous. After a while the paparazzi invades our room and tries to do interviews with us. The click and flash of the cameras and all the commotion is startling to say the least. I reprimand the whole group, “Alright! Everyone, outside!” While holding out my arms and trying to encourage everyone to leave I brush across this mysterious Indian boy wearing a blue knitted sweater. He touches my hand and immediately my whole body tenses up as if electricity just shot through me. In my head he whispers something profound that I can’t put into words, something along the lines of, “You’ll know what is to come.” I let go and look at him in shock. He instructs me to fall down on the floor, I guess so I can hear it again but in a more dramatic fashion. I fall down and he clasps my hand again telling me the same thing. I arise from consciousness and notice Margot left the room. I run out into the mall-like building. There’re lots of people roaming about. I catch her walking down the stairs with some new guy friend of hers, a blonde-haired douche-y looking dude. I run down the stairs. They just sat down on a bench. I plop myself down next to Margot with an overly haughty attitude. Margot seems a little irritated but tries to casually play me off like an old friend.

Me: “Um. We dated for three years. I think you could at least give me more respect than that. I’m more than just a goob to you.”

The blondie guy says, “I can respect that.”

Just in case he was taken aback by my presence, and to be polite, I assure him, “Don’t worry. We’re not seeing each other anymore.”

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up around 1:30 p.m.

Cinnamon Oatmeal with Brown Sugar and Milk. Oranges. Orange Juice.

Venting conversation with Leslie over the phone, but mostly on her part. Just recently she was dealing with some unhealthy ex-drama.

And I don’t think you’re overly nostalgic. It’s just fine. I like that about you.

Grilled Cheese with Hummus and Tomato. Potato Chip Trio. Lemon Water.

Watching BBC’s The Human Planet.

Meeting Josiah at the storage unit to practice the BAMM BAMM songs for tonight’s show. We receive unfortunate news that Josh, the drummer, is stuck at work in Richmond. There’s hope that he could make it in time.

Josiah rides with me. We stop at the house real quick. I cook up a quick Spaghetti meal for us to share then trek out to The Shaq. We arrive just in time to watch an indie-emo band from Michigan called Tiger Tiger. Downing a few Miller High Life’s. It’s a conservative crowd. Little Foot, Rusty and Daniel’s rock band, perform next. Josiah still hasn’t heard any word from Josh so it looks like we’ll be drummer-less. Wesley offers to back us up with a tom and a snare. We go on but it soon falters. It turns into a haphazard jam. Josiah hollers bullshit rock jeers into the microphone. We all flow but it doesn’t impress the crowd. I watch as it dwindles. If only Josh would have shown up. But we made the best of it.   

Back home. I’ve got a major headache. I just received two emails from two different people. The minor juxtaposition of them is killing me. The first one I open up to read is from Aysena. She’s still in Yakutsk with her family. We’ve been limited to communication through email. After describing her time spent there she takes on a judgmental and upset tone complaining about the lack of content in my emails, “your messages are so short and have not so much meaning.” It’s a little uncalled for. I think she’s just feeling empty and it’s leading her to lash out. But it does cause me to reflect a little on this situation. I do miss her but my feelings right now aren’t very strong. It’s hard to nurture any feelings for her when we’re so far apart and have no physical interaction. It’s not how a relationship should live. So everything is very uncertain. She probably feels the same way.

The other email is from Leslie. It’s a thoughtful apologetic sort of letter. The fact of the matter is that she disappears in and out of contact making it difficult to cultivate a steady friendship. She has a valid reason for it but she felt the need to convey some things.


“You are a super awesome person; you are one heck of an incredible friend.  I am genuinely appreciative of you, and your willingness to embrace me as your friend.” 


“I have to get myself back to being consistently okay again before I feel that I will be able to be anything to anyone other than a disappointment.  I'm working on it. Hard.”


One thing that I absolutely respect about Leslie is her genuineness. Out of all the people on earth that I know (besides my mother) she never fails to speak with honesty. There’s no tricks or ulterior agendas in her words. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she means what she says. It’s a rare quality to see in people these days.

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

[i] Nitro Chiral.

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