Tuesday December 31 2019


Waking up at 10:40 a.m. I tried sleeping more but my heart is heavy.


Steel Cut Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Blueberries, Maple Syrup, and Almond Milk. English Breakfast Tea.


Composing a public Facebook post to update everyone on what’s happening with my mom. She has 72 hours to a week, at least that’s what the nurses and doctors are saying. It hits me hard but I try to stay strong.


I head over to the hospital to speak with Janet from Hospice Care. We sit in a waiting room discussing the plan to get her over to hospice tonight so she can be comfortable. Even though the nurses and everyone are taking care of her at the hospital it will be a much better situation for her to be at hospice.


I stay by her side as much as possible. We exchange about a thousand I love you’s back and forth. I can’t hold back the tears anymore. I break down a few times in her arms. She can barely speak audibly without gurgling. Even though I’ve said everything I wanted to say to her in the Christmas card and in person I still feel like there is more I want her to know. I gotta leave at some point and let the transport team arrive to do their thing.


Back home. Trying to eat lunch: Bagel, Scrambled Egg, Salt n Vinegar Chips, and Coffee.


I’ve got other things I need to take care of but it’s hard to keep my mind off this. At some point amidst roaming about the house I kneel down at the steps and can’t stop whimpering and crying. Elvis happens to be near and notices the strange sounds I’m making. He’s probably never seen me cry before.


After Ana gets off work we eat a quick dinner and head to the hospice center off Rosemont to see mom. She’s sound asleep. We organize all the things in her bags from where they moved her – setting up decorations on the table with pictures of my late sister Dana, me, Ana, Christmas cards, and flowers. When she wakes up she puts on a big smile and admires it. It’s still really hard for her to speak but we help tend to her needs and get familiar with the nurses there. It’s not much different than the hospital except it’s not noisy and there’s a lot more space in the room for guests.


I brought more homemade Jello for her. For some reason she really craves this – I think it’s cause she hasn’t eaten all day. We wish her a happy new year and let her rest for the night.


Ana and I then head off to Toast in Norfolk to socialize and celebrate the big 2020 moment over sweet Toast plates and champagne. It’s actually kind of nice to be around this atmosphere for a change and help distract from the looming things in my head.



Sleep 2:30 a.m.

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