Thursday May 19 2016

Dennis Brown.[i]

☼ ○ ▬

At Busch Gardens with my mom, Ana, and some other family friends. We didn't even get the chance to go on any rides or roller coasters. We only had time to see a concert for some reason. I get left behind by everyone at the gate when exiting cause of one jerk-off security guard who has nothing better to do than randomly pick people out of the crowd and search them. I'm told to stand over to the side. I roll my two carts (from the storage unit) of stuff to the side and wait for what seems like forever. He's not even doing anything. He's just standing there looking busy.

I protest, "What the hell am I doing here? Can I please go?"

He's not interested in me leaving so I complain to another security guard (a lady) – she seems confused on why I'm waiting and says it's okay to go. I leave quickly but have difficulty pushing my two carts. After a while I locate my mom and her friend in the lobby.

▬ ○ ☼ ○ ▬

I'm stressed out about a hostile situation. In the city it's understood I'm renting an apartment and someone is holding one of my family members hostage inside. With stealth I creep around the side of the building looking for a unique way inside. I'm aware that the perpetrator has a sniper rifle of some kind aiming outside from the apartment window. After I make my way around back the scenario changes. It's now a semi-rural landscape. I march down a hill with a house in sight. I see the guy holding the gun aiming at me. I maneuver myself in zigzags and jump around so I'm not an easy target. I approach the front porch and make it inside. Somehow I grab the gun, which turns out to be a plastic almost toy-like gun. I aim at his head and pull the trigger but the bullet just barely comes out. Things get weird when the guy isn't a guy anymore. He's now a girl, attractive and young but with a little meat on her bones. She crawls on the table naked and gets on her hands and knees. I'm not sure what's happening. It seems like her goal is to sexually excite me so I forget about the bad things she did. But she doesn't have to try hard. Internally, I'm attracted to her but on the outside I'm still trying to get justice. Her relatives are standing around, a brother and a mother – it's as if this is their home. She goes to leave through the sliding glass doors and I follow with intent on reprimanding her. The two of us hop down from the doors and onto the grass. Immediately I grab her and we slide underneath the house. It's a sexual fire of mixed emotions cause just a minute ago I wanted to kill her but now I just want pleasure from her. We go at it quickly. There's a group of little kids running along the side of the house – they spot what's going on. I feel embarrassed but we don't stop what we're doing. I think at this point I realize I'm dreaming, or maybe I already realized that earlier and that's why I'm allowing this situation to escalate in this way cause it's a dream and not reality. I wouldn't do this in waking life. 

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 11:30 a.m.

Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Maple Syrup, Raisins, and Kefir. Yerba Mate Tea.

Teaching a lesson.

Riding my bike to the shop to pick up my car from getting an oil change.

Banana. Peanut Butter English Muffin. Watermelon. Potato Lentil Curls. Oolong Tea.

Watching Trophy Kids (2016).

Teaching lessons at Music Makers.

Back home. Warming a Fried Flounder Filet my mom brought home with a leftover slice of Pizza and Kale.

Attending poker night. It's a good and thrilling time as usual but no win for me.

Practicing piano at the music space.


Sleep 3:30 a.m.

[i] Dennis Brown.

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