Sunday January 25 2015

Duck Donuts with Mom (January 25 2015)[i]

Waking up around 10:20 a.m.

I brew a pot of Coffee for mom and I. I take her to Duck Donuts to enjoy a guilty pleasure breakfast. She'd never been here before. We indulge in the hot and moist cake-like donuts together.

Earlier, we exchanged cards/notes. I composed a long letter that filled up both sides of a handmade card Ana designed.

"I became a man because you helped me grow into a man. My mother's love (your love) gave me (and still gives me) life inside."

"I am so proud of the man you have become and thankful that I have been a part of that. My love for you grows deeper and richer as the days go on.

It's been a wonderful gift to have her around these past few weeks sharing wonderful food, music, and laughs. I keep pressing her to start making plans to move back up here to Virginia Beach so we can be close to one another. We'll see about that. There's still unfinished business in Florida with her house and such. I'm really glad she got to meet and become friends with Ana too. She had this to say about her, "She is a beautiful person and brings joy to those around her and I can see she adds so much to your life. Treat her well always as she is a treasure."

I head off to work my full day shift at China Wok.

Cara Cara Orange.

Later on, mom stops by with my cousin, Deb, who has kindly offered to give her a ride to the airport to catch her flight back home to Florida. I make mom a small bowl of vegetable soup. I go ahead and eat this big salad I brought consisting of Spinach, Mixed Greens, Beets, Almond, Cranberries, Carrots, and Greek Yogurt Dill Dressing. After a while of talking at the table they take off and I say my goodbyes to mom – sharing a heavy warm mom-hug. Can't ever get enough of those.

The day continues and so do the deliveries. For some reason I start thinking what it would feel like when my mom passes away, whenever that day comes. She's pretty healthy so I can't imagine it being anytime soon. But it's such a distressing thought to imagine my life without access to her. She was my world growing up and now is one of my best friends. We share such an indelible bond it would be devastating to lose her. I don't even want to think about it. But the realness of that feeling hits me.


Listening to a truly enriching podcast called Invisibilia, an episode called "The Secret History of Thoughts".

"Automatic negative thoughts. What's interesting about the automatic thought - and this is true of everybody - is that people tend to accept them at their face value. And they don't look for alternative explanations or for what evidence is behind them. Don't trust the thought. Challenge the thought. To test out to see whether they're really true. And what he found was that when his patients contradicted their negative thoughts...the patient started to get better, sooner."

"The essential thing for humans to learn is that they are not their thoughts and more importantly they're not the little voice that tells them the thoughts... that voice that provides a running commentary on life and the world around us is NOT who we are."

Off work and back home at a decent hour for once.

Black Beans (made lovingly by Ana), Broccoli, Onions, and Rice.

Watching Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (2011).

Brief talks with Ana before I tuck her into bed.

Settling in. Sleep 3:30 a.m.

[i] Image by me.

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