[i]
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A man handles an adorable little green-yellow snake. Every time I pick him up it doesn't seem to take a liking to me – he nibbles my hands and neck.
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Waking up at 2 p.m. My body is mildly sore from the previous day's physical activity.
Orange. Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.
Kevin's car won't start so he has to cash out from China Wok. I take him and Darren to Whole Foods and the liquor store. The temperature has hit a low of 30 degrees – runoff water has turned into ice in the parking lot.
Darren: "You know what? I'm tired of all the bullshit. I'm tired of waking up everyday to bullshit!"
Hot and Sour Soup. Sourdough Bread. Cranberry Honey Black Tea.
Working a few hours at China Wok – making an easy $80.
Back home. Darren marches around downstairs strumming random chords on the guitar. I fix up a Pad Thai dish with Purple Cauliflower, Scallions, and Carrots. Ana arrives. The three of us enjoy the satisfactory meal at the table.
Me: "Every time I make Pad Thai I just think how grateful I am that I made it."
Ana and I retreat upstairs to watch Touchy Feely (2013), a fun little indie drama with Ellen Page and Rosemarie DeWitt. Before we get super into it I notice something amiss with Ana. The beginning of this new year has brought to mind new anxieties about the future and change. She wants change. She wants a new job that's more aligned with things she feels connected to – it's bringing her down. She's stressed about it and tears up a little while explaining her thoughts about the situation. We draw out a timeline for her to quit.
...
Me: "It's like a dead relationship that you need to cut out of your life."
Ana: "I just feel like I give all this advice and I don't know how to follow my own."
Me: "Well, it's always hard to follow your own advice."
Ana: "But I don't wanna feel like I'm relying on people."
Me: "You need people to reinforce these ideas. I feel just as stuck as you are sometimes. You need people to hold you accountable."
...
After the movie we tumble in the bed sometimes being forced to listen to the heavy rumblings of Kevin, Don, and Richie cackling and chortling just outside the bedroom window. The smell of cigarette smoke seeps through the vents so I light up one of those scented papers that a Spanish couch surfer gifted me with in the summer. We entertain the comparison of Kevin with a dog; they're similar in that they both desire companionship and attention, and both have an imposing energy. And they liked to be laughed at.
Before we drift off to sleep the crave for each other is too strong and we have sex.
[i] Image by me.
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