Tuesday September 18 2012


Actually getting up at 1:47 p.m.

Anthony and I both had deep-layered dreams. He thinks it was from all the social stimuli from last night.

Nutella Shortbread. Peach. Orange Juice.

Analytical talks with Anthony and Darren in the dining room on the powerful feelings of jealousy, the idea of non-monogamous relationships, and basic talks of the future.

Off and on I hear from Margot via text message. She hits me up today needing a ride to her car. Over the past two weeks she’s been eager to meet up with me, for whatever reason. I’ve been presenting a vague blasé attitude towards her, in attempt to avoid so much communication. I have no intention nor do I want to start including her in my life in any way except for a passing cordial what’s up. Either way I give her a ride. It’s five minutes of foreign yet familiar feelings, a recalling of a relationship that once was and is no longer. That’s it.

At Wheeler’s house on Lake Drive with Stephanie. I’m offered a cup of Blackberry Sage Tea that relaxes me in powerful way. The house is beautiful and cozy – a naturally vibrant aura that inspires me to meditate. The three of us discuss fertility and herbs that alleviate depression. Then, a yoga session.

Back home.

Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Potato Chip Trio and Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Oolong Tea.

Finishing The Grey (2012).

Catching up on writing.

Learning Russian.

I accepted an invitation to meet up with Margot at Rick’s Café. I show up a little early before she arrives and to my surprise find Anthony and Kelley just finishing up a meal.

Me: “You won’t believe who I’m meeting here.”

Without hesitation Anthony says, “Margot?”

Me: “Yup.”

Anthony: “Woooo! Oh we’re staying.”

Me: “Yeah it’s one of those catch-up dinners.”

Margot’s here now. We haven’t officially sat down and caught up in a while besides the occasional run-ins. But here we are. The introduction is small talk pleasantries but over the course of thirty minutes it turns just a tad bit sour after she inquires once again about my romantic encounters. Her bad attitude doesn’t encourage me to even want to answer these questions. I don’t feel comfortable opening up about my love life or my sexual experiences. It feels inappropriate.

Me: “If I felt comfortable enough to talk to you about it I would. I just don’t cause you’re so mean. You’re not even acting like a friend.”

The food arrives but we continue our discussion.

Fried Flounder. Mashed Potatoes. Hush Puppies. Broccoli.

Me: “I’m just wondering why you’ve been hitting me up lately.”

Her: “Cause I don’t have anyone else.”

Me: “So now that you don’t have anyone else you think it’s appropriate to just hit me up.”

Her: “It’s not like I’m booty calling you.”

Me: “I know.”

Eventually our conversation changes into something more positive and friendly.


Outside she praises this new workout program she’s been doing and invites me over to try it.

Her: “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna try anything.”

I chuckle in response, “Okay.”

I meet over at her condo. Smoking a clove out on the patio for a minute. In the middle of listening to her tell me some story about a pair of shoes she really wanted I zone out and drift into a thought space...having the shocking realization that she’s had sex with other people besides me and I the same have had sex with other girls besides her. It’s a thought that’s crossed my mind before more so when I was seeing her romantically. But just the idea of a tainted vagina disgusts me, not specifically in regards to Margot but in general. The erosion of purity is depressing.

[Snap out of it]

We migrate to her bedroom and she puts on the Insanity workout DVD. I attempt to follow the motions and movement.

Me: “Man, I can see why you’ve grown those calves.”

Taking a breather and sipping on some water. She puts on these new bright orange colored pajamas. I get ready to leave. We give each other a warm fully realized embrace.

Me: “Alright. Sweet dreams – good night.”

I return home. Anthony fumbles down the stairs with a big grin on his face.

Anthony: “So did you go back to her place after?”

Me: “Yeah...”

He jumps to the conclusion, “Oh you had sex with Margot!”

Me: “No I didn’t. I would tell you. I promise. We just had a catch-up dinner.”

Darren pipes in comically, “You guys just had ketchup for dinner?”

Me: “Ha. Ha.”


Me: “But really. Nothing happened. My heart’s still with Ays right now.”

Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Sleep around 4 a.m.

[i] Glitch Art.

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