Wednesday February 22 2012


Waking up just before noon.


Errands Part One. Replacing hard case for my new phone at Verizon. Bank. Gas. Groceries at Kroger and Trader Joe’s.

Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Tortilla Chips with Fresh Guacamole and Salsa. Aloe Vera Drink.


Darren knocks on my door...

Me: “What?!”

Darren: “I have something important to tell you!”

Me: “Okay. What?”

Darren: “I just read on a website that the sun’s diameter is shrinking five feet every hour. So life couldn’t have existed 100 thousand years ago. That means Jesus is real and the rapture is coming. What are we gonna do?”

Me: “I don’t know. What should we do?”

Darren: “We gotta get one of those coupon books they used to sell in high school.”


Then, Elliott walks in all clean-shaven with a mustache from the 80’s and a basketball t-shirt. Then, Kevin arrives happy that he just got the job to be a debt collector. It’s a sausage fest in my bedroom.

Elliott takes me with him to finish off my errands and do some of his.

Editing. Organizing.

Coffee with a little bit of Brown Sugar and Coconut Milk. Granola Bar.

Art stops by briefly and we hear about Darren’s jail-time experiences.

Tuna Steak. String Beans, Mushrooms, and Green Peppers. Rice.

Watching a little bit of TRON (1982).

Music file organizing.

Heading to Margot’s for the night. When I walk in she’s on Skype talking to some old high school friend that lives in Vegas. So I resign to her room and configure my phone while she finishes her conversation. She joins me in the bedroom and plops into my lap. Testing out the camera on my new phone and taking pictures of us. Something goes wrong in the dialogue and she shows signs of being tired and stressed and exasperated. She has such a short fuse sometimes. We get into a squabble about nothing and everything all at once. Second night in a row for nasty arguments. I’m too logical for my own good...too simple for her hint-based dramatizations. When the tour I’m about to go on gets brought up it turns into an attack on my music quests. She exclaims I need to get real and stop dreaming and that I’m not going anywhere with my music. I feel ultra insulted that a person claiming to love me is basically telling me to stop dreaming and stop doing what I love to do.

Me: “I can’t believe you’re saying this! Who are you? I would hope that the person that loves me would support me in all I do. This is stupid!”

After a few more debates I get up to leave...

Me: “We’re just not getting along tonight. I need to go home. My head is throbbing.”

She gets mad...and starts sobbing underneath a blanket.

Me: “I’m going outside for a minute. I’ll be back.”

I light up a Djarum Mild and let the cool night breeze refresh me.


I hear her open the door behind me. She’s standing there with the blue blanket wrapped around her whole body. Her tired wet eyes are obvious.

I send a warm signal and wave my hand, “C’mere.”

She slowly walks over and into my arms...

As I stand there smoking my clove and listening to the crackle of the kretek every time I breathe in, I come to a poetic understanding about her and I. I’m a stubborn dreamer. And she’s a stubborn realist (that and experiences rejection issues). But still at heart we are both human beings with emotional and relational needs...

Me: “You look prettier when you don’t cry.”

Her: “What.”

I scan over the shiny drip marks along her cheeks...

Me: “I guess there is a glisten to it.”

We head inside and she feels the need to make up for all this mumbo jumbo by coming onto me. I couldn’t ask for anything more at the moment. I turn her over on the bed and it feels so good...a lot of verbal response. I like that.

Sleep soon after...

[i] Sebastian Haslauer.

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