DREAM: Riding bikes, or maybe longboards, down a path through the forest with Elliott or somebody like him. It’s getting dark. We come across an empty field—a muddy ditch—there’s a mysterious building that looks uninhabited. We find a way to get in and enter the main hall. It’s very dark in here—huge in perspective. There’s little stations or displays set up throughout the room. It seems to be a museum dedicated to a certain species of animal or alien. Something doesn’t feel right about this place. Feeling really uncomfortable. It’s understood that things will start revving up any minute. I can see dark pink and orange fluorescent lights flicker a little in front of a particular model tree. This place is about to be swarming with these animal creatures. We better get out of here! We both jet out the front door just in time to miss the grapple from one of those…things.
She wakes up a little bit earlier than I before 11 a.m.
Breakfast: Everything Bagel with Butter and Honey (not a real good combination of flavors but I was out of cream cheese). Orange Juice. Zinc.
Full day shift at China Wok.
Delivering an order in Chapel Lake. I decide to put out a bunch of menus around the block. As I’m heading back to my car I acknowledge and say “hey” to a guy looking underneath the hood of his car. He’s checking his oil and uses one of the menus I just put out to wipe the dipstick clean. Thinking to myself, I should be offended. But I’m not.
A lady calls in to place an order and boy, is she a talker. I take the phone but pass it over to Cessily cause I still have an order to deliver. When I get back she’s still on the phone with this lady. I watch as my boss relaxes in the chair doodling lines and shapes on paper while listening to this lady raving on about who knows what. I’m surprised Cessily even has the patience for this kind of thing cause she usually doesn’t. Maybe she’s bored and finds it entertaining. Finally the order is placed.
Me: “You talked to that lady for a long time.”
Cessily: “For over half a hour.”
The babbler lives a little far out of our delivery range, just near the Lesner Bridge off Shore Drive, a 12-mile trek there and back, approximately costing me $2 in gas to drive out. The old lady, named Bertha, writes a check leaving less than 30 cents for a tip. I had higher hopes. Whatever.
Peaches and Watermelon.
Thoroughly irritated with the infectious traffic and stoplights that predictably change out of my favor. I run a few of them and shout out loud to myself, “I want logic! I want to be in control! I don’t want machines to control my destiny!”
Pulling up to the stoplight at the end of the off-ramp of 264. Hoping I can just veer around the corner without stopping. But NOOOO. I slam on the brakes and shout out loud to myself, “Hit the brakes, Robert! And let these fucking sheep through! You’ll join them soon enough!”
Lunch: Cape Cod Kettle Cooked Potato Chips with Avocado.
It’s terribly slow at the restaurant.
Quietly reading DOOM novel #4.
Observing both my bosses, Ling and Cessily, have an intense debate about something. Because it’s in Chinese I’m forced to use context clues to pinpoint possible topics but really only the emotion and expression I can figure out. She babbles with a sincere face as he, entertained by her minor annoyance with God knows what, laughs and responds just as sincerely trying to understand. Eventually Ling marches to the kitchen preaching in loud mouth Asian syllables. This whole scenario reminds me of Margot and I’s bickering where half of me finds her complaining annoying and the other half thinks its utterly adorable.
Power napping in the passenger seat of the wagon.
Eating a Caramel and Oats Bar and Banana Yogurt.
I’ve made half the money I usually make. Bad day for business.
Finally home.
Dinner: Brown Basmati Rice with Canned Herring Filet and Broccoli.
Elliott shows up at the house alongside a few others including Carlos, Rusty, and some girlfriends. Of course, this calls for a Friends School adventure. Being kids—rope swingin—ball slammin. On the basketball court we notice a car pull up behind the fence. At first I thought it was a cop but the MARGOAT license plate is easily recognizable. She was supposed to come over about now but I have a feeling she’s not pleased with me being here on the playground. I dart over the bushes to greet her but she’s already in reverse. As soon as the window rolls down I see it all over her face and prepare myself for a heavy hefty lefty shifty night.
Playing it off and rebuking every one of her “I’m upset with you, I hate you,” comments with “Stop that, You love me, I love you,” confident in my casual smiley attitude hoping maybe she would realize how cute I am. She assured me she wouldn’t drink much tonight because she wanted to see me and love me. She lived up to it and she’s obviously not through the roof wasted or anything, I mean she drove. But something’s off. There are so many combinations at play here. A little bit of alcohol. A little bit of period. And me doing one slight thing wrong: not being at home when she arrived.
Getting her upstairs and into my room. She’s not completely unchangeable. Just keep touching her. Melt her ears with admiration. Kiss her multiple times. Take off her dress. Make her feel good. Be a man. Take control. Make love with your lover. A solid plan that lasts a good while until I pull out thinking it’d be a good idea to dab on some K-Y jelly cause we were a little dry, I mean tampons suck up some of that natural moisture. She’s offended and won’t let me back in. I’m turned off. It gets bad from there. I really don’t know how things escalated but they did. She’s threatening to go home and blah blah blah.
Me: “This is ridiculous. I’m just trying to love you.”
Her: “You stopped having sex with me!”
Me: “Only for a second. I don’t understand.”
I start blaming her sensitivity on the alcohol she drank tonight. And I knew she just needed a little extra maintenance but it doesn’t matter how hard I try she’ll find a way to turn her episodes on me, making up shit, fallacies. This is the perpetual argument that nobody wins.
Me: “Baby, I just want to take care of you. I do nothing but love you!”
At some point I’m squeezing her, out of aggression and love at the same time. I just want to be in control and stop this behavior but my agro tendencies only feed the fire. I really hate feeling like this. I hate being angry. I hate her acting like this. Please return the sweet Queen Margot to me now!
Eventually, she curls up on the bed crying from the heat of it all. I’m stroking her head and shoulders, “I wish I could get into that little head of yours and figure it all out for you.”
Eating a small bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat Cereal.
Settling down next to her hot body. 5:20 a.m.
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