Wednesday November 6 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

I've got my computer station set up (extra monitor and external hard drives included) inside the café area of a grocery store that's understood to be Whole Foods. As I'm packing up I get distracted in a conversation with someone I know a few tables down. When I return to my spot it appears someone has stolen some of my things. The situation gets frustrating really quick. I search around for the culprit. There's a little girl hiding with her sister by an aisle peeking around to see if anyone's after them. They don’t seem to notice me march over.

Me: "Hey! Give me my stuff back!"

I confiscate what's in her hands, which seems to be nothing of mine. The scene continues in this manner. I'm highly stressed.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up around 1:30 p.m.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

Some blog is telling me how I'm eating apples all wrong, shucking strawberries wrong, and eating cupcakes wrong. Most people leave 30% of an apple when they're done but eating from the bottom up will eliminate any leftover core. For strawberries, using a straw and poking from bottom out will remove the leaf of at the top without discarding too much strawberry. For cupcakes, twisting the bottom half off the cupcake and then sandwiching it on top of the frosting makes sure you get a combination of frosting and cake in every bite.

I drive out to a storage unit in Kempsville to meet a guy selling a whole bunch of stuff, mainly I was interested in these bulky book shelves once used in the Norfolk library in the 1950's. His kids are running around with an umbrella and throwing bouncy balls around while him and I negotiate prices. For $120 I take three library shelves, one regular wood bookshelf, a fold-up wooden table, and a black floor lamp. It all fits perfectly in my station wagon but weighs it down a ton. I drive carefully down the road. Oh my goodness. There's traffic galore. Almost every stoplight requires a ten-minute wait. Then, Kevin calls me saying his car is spilling coolant all over the place so I'm obligated to cover the dinner shift at China Wok. No problem. But I barely make it to Hilltop in a timely manner. While waiting at the intersection of Laskin and First Colonial a string of ambulances and fire trucks zoom by. Of course, they use their infrared stoplight changers. It causes a glitch in the traffic lights making our line of traffic wait almost 15 minutes until the light turns green. I don't have a problem with these devices being used because I'm sure it's more important that those emergency vehicles arrive in time to save a life or whatever. But every time it screws up the stoplight cycles. 

...

Mixed Nuts. Papaya. Vanilla Almond Granola Bar. Salt n Vinegar Chips with Hummus. Lemon Water.

...

Working a few hours at China Wok. Making an easy $40. Josh ordered some food and requested me to pick up beer too.

Me: "Why can't you just walk and get some yourself? You're not a teenager."

Josh: "There's some part of me that just wants to see beer and chinese come to me."

Back home.

There's a showing of Kevin's infamous film The Lone Survivor in the living room.

Black Beans, Broccoli, Snow Peas, and Rice in Brown Sauce.

Watching Sidewalls (2011).

Situating one of the new bookshelves in the living room. And so completes the VHS/DVD library, Phase One of the reconstruction of our living room.

Meanwhile Josh, Kevin, Richie, and Sasha are hanging out drinking up beer and wine. And Josh once again proves himself to be a raging poetic alcoholic. It's just one of those destructive nights of his, not a rarity, but liable to happen once a month, shattering glass on the floor, yelling nonsensical ramblings, spilling the bouquet of flowers, and scaring Sasha badly enough to bring tears to her eyes. It's just too much. I can't even be entertained by it. I'm very disconnected from that kind of world. Amidst the chaos I stick to my plan of velcroing books to the broken TV.

The night drags on into the dark early morning. I occupy my time with these mini tasks like researching books and downloading music. Sasha busies herself in the dining room drawing an intricate piece of work with markers, the "Book of the Week" sign. Like me, she's a night owl to the bone.

[ii]

Sleep at 5 a.m.

---

[i] Images by me.

[ii] Marker art by Sasha.

Tuesday November 5 2013

[i]

Waking up at 1 p.m.

Blueberry Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese. Orange Juice.

We have a 1435 house meeting today with Stephanie, Sasha, Kevin, Josh, myself, and Leisa as a mediator. After some constructive arguing we come to some agreements on weekly cleaning duties to be done.

...

Stephanie is on this kick of being anal about dust, which I don't blame her really but she mentions how much dust is collected on the surface of all the empty alcohol bottles above the old pump organ. She snaps a photo of a PBR bottle...

Stef: "Do we really need this?"

I defend myself, "No! Don't throw that PBR bottle away! I drink out of that like every two years!"

Leisa drops me off to pick up my car. She discusses with me her concerns about performing with the guitar – how she feels confident practicing alone but in front of people it goes away. I assure her that confidence comes in time. The good news is my mechanic finally figured out the problem with my car not cranking over occasionally. The starter gets too hot and worn out from turning the car on and off over the years. So time for a new one!

At the Rec Center for adult basketball. My thumb is officially healed so no more sloppy ball handling. The 3-point shots come easily – bucket after bucket. Some of the regular players take notice. At one point I get nick named Edward Scissor Hands, because of my hair. Overall I feel satisfied with my game play.

Papaya.

At home. Ana and Stef just finished baking some kind of healthy gooey cookie. Elliott shows up. We all start up the new fire pit on the back patio.

Making a Spinach Salad with Carrots and Cucumbers.

...

At some point another roommate argument ignites in Josh and Sasha's bedroom.

"No more Robertocracy! Down with Robama!"

Even though it's mostly in jest everybody keeps attacking me as if I've done them wrong.

Me: "If it wasn't for me this house wouldn't be alive today!" 

...

Cooking a Pepperoni Cheese Pizza Josh got for free at Whole Foods. We all share slices in the dining room while Kevin uses his obnoxious cartoon-like voice to read excerpts from an old book about alcohol addiction. He thinks it's clever to replace the word "drinking" with "masturbation".

Earlier I noticed something off with Ana. She seemed a little disconnected in the social mix. She expresses her desire to go home and be in her mom's comfortable bed. I carry a box full of owl paraphernalia out to her car. She sits sideways in the driver's seat wrapped up in a gray sweater while I stand there with the door open. Eventually I make a guess that she's on her period.  

She describes it like this, "It feels like my body is dying."

I feel bad for her that the intensity of it is such. The sound of acorns dropping on top of a car nearby keeps startling us.

Me: "The trees are loud tonight."

Ana: "Well they have a lot to say cause they lived a long time."

Back inside my room. It's 4 a.m. I didn't realize how much time escaped me out there with Ana. We talked forever.

---

[i] Image by me.

Monday November 4 2013

[i]

Waking up just before 1 p.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk and a Banana.

Phase 2 of 1435 Reconstruction: organizing the massive amounts of books Anthony had hidden in closets and boxes. The idea is to create an accessible library of books, VHS tapes, records, and DVDS. It's going to take some time.

Mixed Nuts and Raisins. Baked Lentil Chips. Strawberry Greek Yogurt. Orange Juice.

Watching Regarding Henry (1991).

Donating boxes of stuff to the thrift store and tossing junk in the dumpster.

My mechanic on 17^th Street said he'd take another look at my car regarding the problem with not starting on occasion. Installing a new alternator was supposed to solve this issue but it didn't. Either way I drop it off at the shop. If I'd a planned it better I would've brought my bike but I didn't. So I decide it's a nice night for a walk. I strap on my running shoes and tote a Harris Teeter bag with gym shorts and an iPod. It's not overwhelmingly cold out but it's chilly. I make it to the clubhouse. There're quite a number of people here tonight. Doing a multitude of things: lifting weights, crunches, jump roping, running, etc. Trying not to be distracted by the few attractive ladies nearby. We catch each other's eye frequently but then again it's a fairly small room so it's bound to happen. They say working out increases sexual energy. I feel it.

...

I take the long walk home, maybe a 30-minute walk. Submersed in a musical world of analytical thoughts – digging through ideas for change and progression.

Back home.

Pear.

Vegetable Pad Thai with Sautéed Spinach and Parmesan Bread.

Watching Regarding Henry (1991).

Stephanie has moved into Anthony and Kelley's old room. It's kind of strange not having them here. But Stephanie's added to the creative spirit of the house and along with that revolutionary ideas like having a chores list, being anal about dusting and vacuuming. It's nice having another girl in the mix to help facilitate cleanliness. 

Making and eating Chocolate Chip Cookies with Almond Milk. 

Skimming through a book called A Story of Music, Copyright 1938...

"While Beethoven, whose mind was slower, but perhaps deeper, once worked ten years on a single symphony. The boy Beethoven won the respect of his home town by his playing, but not excitement enough for a world tour."

Even as a child when I was first starting to play the piano I remember studying Beethoven and feeling like I shared kindred spirits with his music and his struggles in life.

Sleep 5 a.m.

---

[i] Image by me.

Sunday November 3 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

It's about 3 in the morning. I take a night walk through the neighborhood and up Laskin. I see the manager at a car wash is finishing up with closing the register. A lady, the last customer of the night, is still waiting for her car to be done. I find all of this strange because it's so late for a car wash to be open. I continue walking and decide to fly. So I flap my arms in such a way that I elevate my body above a few houses and into the Latitudes Apartment neighborhood. I spot a playground with monkey bars made of a loft bed. Kevin, an old friend of mine from church way back in the day, appears and we play chicken fights on the monkey bars. We hang strategically from the bars. We seem higher than we should be; the ground looks further down than I thought. The more we engage in battle the looser the bars become. Eventually it all collapses. We fall to the ground. Along with the loft bed about 5 or 6 guitars fell too. I don't know why they were there in the first place. But they belonged to some of the neighbors. They drunkenly march outside to check out the commotion. They're angrily disappointed. Some of them start brawling.

▬ ○ ☼

Alarm goes off at 11:05 a.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Banana.

Mixed Nuts and Raisins. Egg Roll. Egg Drop Soup. Honey Black Tea.

I'm noticing recurring numbers "333" and "111" today.

"Your total is $30.33."

"That'll be $31.11."

Not to mention the other day Stephanie paid me her starting rent, which was $333.

"Number 333 resonates with the vibrations and energies of number 3, appearing three times, tripling its influences. Number 3 = the 'Jesus connection'. When Angel Number 333 appears consistently it implies that the Ascended Masters are near you. They have responded to your prayers and wish to help and assist you in your endeavors and with serving your Divine life purpose and soul mission."

Sundays are typically nice and steady for deliveries. As soon as I arrive back at the restaurant another order is ready. I continue in this manner all day and night.

The temperature is brisk and chilly, a cold, cold day in November. The weather has been back and forth between warm and cold. Eventually, winter will settle us in.

Just before 8 p.m. Ana visits. I was trying to get her a job here driving part time but the bosses seem apprehensive about hiring her, not because she is a girl but because she doesn't have food delivery experience. They're just being selective. Either way, Ana puts on one of the cook hats and assists me in filling the dumpling sauce into little plastic containers.

... 

In the car on a delivery the New Radical's song "Get What You Give" comes on the iPod. She said she remembers the song but always thought it was sung by U2. I mention how easy it is when you're young and listening to music to associate big name artists with certain genres. I could've been guilty just the same. It's always nice having Ana here while I'm working. I can vent to her. I can warm my hands underneath her thighs. I can laugh.

Off work and back home.

Leftover Tilapia and Brown Rice with Broccoli and Snow Peas.

Watching Redemption (2013).

Downstairs, I continue with 1435 Reconstruction – organizing the VHS collection, adding shelves, adding more tapes.

Rewarding myself with Popcorn and a Pumpkin Toaster Pastry.

Sleep around 5 a.m.

---

[i] Lotus War Night (1). James Jean.

Saturday November 2 2013

[i]

Waking up at 11:05 a.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk. Grapefruit.

All day shift at China Wok.

Filling little 2 oz. cups of garlic dipping sauce – bagging the fried noodles.

Peanut Butter Bagel. Baked Lentil Chips. Honey Black Tea.

Today is much calmer than yesterday – the amount of deliveries not overwhelming – driving is easy.

At one point Ling tries to talk to me about how fast food is fake. "American food all fake!" He explains how a McDonald's strawberry milkshake has 42 ingredients. "Crazy! It's crazy!" He always talks with excitement and conviction.

Swiss Milk Chocolate.

Off work and back home.

Vegetable Lo Mein with Egg.

Finishing Pain & Gain (2013).

Spending a lot of time in the living room organizing the VHS collection and constructing a new shelf using blue crates.

Kevin drunkenly stumbles into the house. Josh and him smoke cigarettes out front. As I'm taking a load of junk to the dumpster Kevin impersonates a bro in an obnoxious manner.

Josh: "Robert, how do I handle this?"

Kevin: "You can handle a moose but you can't handle me!"

I had no idea it was daylight savings tonight. I'm very grateful that time goes back an hour. It's a precious gift for me.

---

[i] Albino Moose.

Friday November 1 2013

[i]

Waking up 40 minutes after my alarm clock goes off. I was super tired.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Fiberful Peanut Butter and Chocolate Granola Bar. Egg Drop Soup.

At some point around 6 p.m. it begins to rain and along with that comes an ever-cascading number of orders for delivery. I just go. I drive. I grab as many bags as I can and fit them in the passenger seat floorboard. The humidity outside is high so I have to keep the defroster/air condition constantly on. After getting a new alternator installed yesterday I was told by my mechanic the problem of my car not starting would be solved. But amidst all the chaos I go to start it and to my dismay...nothing. I jump start it with Ming's car praying it doesn't happen again.

About 80% of the orders I deliver are late and I have to soft talk the disappointed customers with excuses about the rain, the lack of drivers, and blah blah blah.

Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups. Apple.

Delivering to Saw Grass. A guy answers the door, "So what took so long?"

Me: "Oh. Um...I'm sorry. Yeah we're very busy tonight."

All of a sudden a guy gets up off the couch and interrupts, "How many drivers do you have tonight?"

Me: "Well, just me and the cook. One of the drivers called out sick. So two."

Guy: "Yeah I'm a pizza delivery guy."

Me: "Oh well then you understand."

Guy: "Yeah but its Chinese food. It shouldn't take that long!"

In my mind I'm scoffing as loud as I can, Huh? What kind of argument is that? Is Chinese food expected to be delivered faster than pizza? Whatever I have nothing to say about it because the guy tips me $7. So moving on to the next one...

Finally that moment has come: the end of the night. It seems I've made $111 in tips. While signing in my notebook for the wage money I notice the date is November 1^st (11/1). Here come the elevens again. I used to see them all the time. I had a severe case of apophenia. I pull up into the parking lot of my neighborhood and realize the time is 11:11 p.m. No way. That's three instances.

Fried Tofu with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Watching Pain & Gain (2013).

Cleaning up some stuff downstairs.

Sleep at 4 a.m.

---

[i] Chalermphol Harnchakkham.

Thursday October 31 2013

[i]

Waking up next to Ana. The click-clack sound from her texting sounds like popcorn popping in the room over.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Vanilla Almond Milk.

Anthony left a big box of books downstairs free for the taking. Ana and I go through them and find any interesting ones.

Ana drives us around Hilltop to run a few errands: browsing the thrift store for any costume ideas and getting groceries at Trader Joe's.

Toasted Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Baked Lentil Chips. Orange Juice.

Riding my bike to the 17^th Street shop to pick up my car – had to get a new alternator. The trick-or-treaters are out and about with colored sword lights and bags full of candy.

Back home. Anthony and Kelley are in the process of moving and cleaning out their room. Anthony will be hopping on the China bus tonight headed for New York City, for good he says. He's off to plant new roots in a new city. I help him organize and pile the library of books into boxes and crates. He spent the last eight years collecting these from the thrift store when he worked there and now we're donating them back. But sometimes it feels good to give up the burden of material things. It's strange. I feel like we lost touch with our friendship. I don’t remember the last time we "juggled question marks" and dug deep into our brains. But I'll definitely visit him in New York. And things will be different.  

...

He entrusts me to keep a few boxes full of his physical most concrete writings along with three jars of the last three year's summer rain.

Tilapia with Brown Rice and a Spinach Salad.

I adorn myself in an old dress/night gown I used to wear in The Vaginasaurs and grab a green wig from the storage unit. Driving out to Norfolk. At The Taphouse there's a Halloween rock show. It's at capacity loaded with costume wearers. If you're not obviously wearing a costume you stand out like a sore thumb. Ana looks beautiful in her Morticia Addams dress with an extra length in the back that drags on the floor – her long flowing black hair adds to the resemblance. Someone comments how she looks so natural in it that when they made The Addams Family they tried to make Morticia look like her. I buy Ken and I Nude Beach Drafts. An instrumental math rock band with two drummers performs on stage to the backdrop of a double projection screen playing an old puppet show and Power Rangers episodes. Feeling loose from the bubbly beer. Outside on the patio everyone gathers at the cement tables conversing and smoking.

Afterwards, Ken, Will, Ana, and I make attempts to find a place to eat that's open. Donut Dinette? Closed. Mama Joe's? Closed. Chanello's? Closed. I pick up a DiGiorno from Harris Teeter and we meet back at the house. Sharing salads and slices around the wobbly card table. Ken mentions how this little scene reminds him of a lost David Lynch film. 

Upstairs, Ana and I settle in the bed. I'm disappointed she took her dress off without letting me do the honors. But the sexual energy is inevitable. We tumble in the bed – pumping and humping to our heart's content.

...

Me: "That was really good. "

Her: "It's always good."

---

[i] All images by me.

Wednesday October 30 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

In the dining room of 1435. Everyone is gathered around the big sturdy wooden table. Kevin, in his typical rambunctious attitude, manages to break the table causing it to topple over everyone. It doesn't seem to cause any serious injury but Ana could've been hurt real bad if things had gone a different way. Ana, Kevin, and I migrate outside. I scold him,  "I don't even care about the table so much but dude..."

He suddenly realizes how much of a danger it was to Ana, "I know! I know!" and then begins to apologize over the top.

As I push him aside I interject, "I don't even care, Kevin. Just...just go away." I keep pushing him towards the front door and shove him inside. "Really, dude, just go away!"

After tending to Ana for a few minutes I march inside the house where everyone is laughing off the incident and having a good time. I walk right up to Kevin who is sitting by the piano with his clowny face. I point my finger at him and say, "You are the source of all the trouble in my life. Besides relationship issues you're the reason for all my trouble."

The whole room is quiet. I know they'll be cracking jokes about what I said later. I start to leave but change my mind a little as I feel I reacted a little brashly, "Actually, that's not necessarily entirely true. Cause you're my friend, too." I don't even know what to say anymore. I just leave.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 11 a.m.

Blueberry Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese. Orange Juice. Vitamin C (500 mg).

All day shift at China Wok.

Toasted Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Trail Mix. Honey Green Tea.

It's slow for business.

My car won't start a few times during my deliveries. Thank God for good Samaritans.

Pumpkin Streusel Muffin.

After 8 o'clock it slows down dramatically. Cecily and the girls are eating dinner at another table. Eggs, tomatoes, and rice are prepared. I watch Cecily spoon-feed Eileen somewhat forcefully. She has an on-going eating problem where it takes hours for her to eat one meal. Her parents think that pushing food into her mouth is going to somehow train her to enjoy eating. It's only inevitable that she will throw it up soon after, which is exactly what she does. She was left alone. I catch her sitting with her hands cupped over her mouth, which is gushing out an egg-tomato-rice mush – her eyes wide open with embarrassment. I have nothing but pity. Her sister cries out to the family in the back. Ming, the uncle and other cook, just laughs. Cecily, the mom, comes running with scolding remarks. Janice, her one-year-younger sister, sits down next to me while Eileen cleans herself in the bathroom. She explains to me in her limited English that Eileen has three problems, not doing homework (bad grades), not eating properly, and her style of walk apparently is baby-like. I just don't get it. I just don't. I try to explain to Janice that patience is important and that she needs special help and understanding.

Later on, Elliott and Ana show up after 9. No more deliveries. I share Vegetable Moo Shu with them.

Off work. Ana helps me drop my car off at the shop overnight and then we head to Tapped across the street from the house for Pinball Locomotive's final show before Anthony moves to New York. As expected it's like a little reunion: Kofi's here from NY, our old nanny/roommate is here, Tristan's here from Europe, etc. Besides the lack of dancing and audience participation it's a great Pinball performance. Richie stands like a statue with a strange shifty smile on his face plucking the guitar; some of us wonder if he's even conscious. Kevin's doing his best rock violin and hollering as needed. Rusty wanders valiantly on the bass. Chris keeps the rhythm steady. And Anthony leads the band on charismatically with melodic poetry. They've always kept catharsis as the main ingredient to their sound. Slightly out of tune instruments and traveling notes only feed the rock n roll train. There's a certain amount of sloppiness that comes across as genuine. At the heart of Pinball Locomotive is heart. Meanwhile the Red Sox just won the World Series on the television.

Before the last song Anthony gives a brief speech about finding magic inside of you, "There's a magic. And when it goes you gotta be that magic."

Afterwards, most of us reconvene at Rick's Café. I have a cup (or rather multiple cups) of Coffee and a Biscuit. A big group of people already has possession of the combining tables so we have to revert to sharing booths next to one another for our group of nine. Someone sets a ten-minute timer for a game of musical booths.

James: "So I was watching a Tom & Jerry the other day..."

Tristan interrupts, "What? Did you notice a plot hole?"

It's clever conversations such as this that fuel our meeting at Rick's.

Back home.

Settling in with Ana.

---

[i] All  images by me.

Tuesday October 29 2013

[i]

Waking up at 1:27 p.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Vanilla Almond Milk.

Breaking Bad.

Research.

Egg Sandwich with Mayonnaise and Tomato. Pretzel Thins with Hummus. Honey Green Tea.

At the Rec Center for basketball. My thumb is still recovering from injury but it's not as bad as last Tuesday so I give it a whirl on the courts. It impedes with my game play and ball handling skills but I still hustle and do my best. Some embarrassing moments and some redeeming moments.

Back at the house. Doing chores.

Apple.

Somebody left some kind of French Onion Soup and Brown Rice on the stove. I help myself to a serving along with Mushrooms and Carrots.

Finishing the last episode of Breaking Bad. Wow. What a relief.

More chores. Cleaning up.

Papaya.

Watching a Clippers Vs Lakers game. I don't remember the last time I really watched an NBA basketball game.

Trying out a recipe for Pumpkin Streusel Muffins.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Breaking Bad. JThree Concepts.

Monday October 28 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Meeting up at a gas station with friends. Rachel and a girlfriend of hers roll up in a new ride, a sparkly purple 80's Chevy Caprice convertible. Inside the car it's similar to the inside of an inflated boat. Rachel asks for my help to put air in the tires. I slide it down this hill where the air machine is. I notice the back tires are so old the thread is ripped off. I don't even know how she drove it here. I spend a lot of time attempting to put air in these tires. There are little electronic gauges for each tire. 44 PSI is the recommended pressure. Everybody's waiting for me to finish. 

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 11 a.m.

Cinnamon Raisin Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese. Orange Juice. Vitamin C (500 mg).

All day shift at China Wok.

Banana. Pumpkin Seeds.

It's a slow and steady afternoon. Ling tries to talk with me about how easy it is to create a multi-billion dollar business in less than 10 years.

Toasted Peanut Butter Sandwich. Pretzel Thins. Honey Green Tea.

Delivering an order to The Schooner Inn over on 2^nd Street, the last hotel on the south end before you hit the Rudee Inlet. It's 6 o'clock, that magical part of the evening when the sun is almost finished setting creating a pleasant orange glow that makes everything look so distinct and unique. On the 6^th floor walking down the breezeway, I can feel the wind from the ocean blow across my face. I reach the room at the very end. I look down below at the fishermen waiting patiently over the shoal and some kid with a skateboard attempting a kick-flip on a curb. The customer opens the door. She's an African beauty dressed in mostly black with shiny, but modest, gold earrings. There's nothing exceptional about our interaction except for this smile she gives me, such a genuine smile, the kind of smile that makes you feel like a million bucks. I walk back to the elevator and, during the brief ride down, allow my imagination to create a story. I would go back into that room. There would be an understanding between each other...a shared sense of romance. An endearing and sexual scene would unravel in that hotel room, maybe just for an hour or the rest of the night. It's not even her that I was necessarily attracted to but it was the idea, the potential for an erotic encounter that attracted me. It was only a fleeting daydream, and I only entertain them for entertainment value as you would watching a TV show or something. 

Fiberful Peanut Butter Chocolate Granola Bar. Apple.

Delivering an order in Chanticleer. These three kids sitting in the back of a pickup truck ask me as I run to the car, "Hey, is your job fun?"

Without enough time to think of something funny to say I respond, "Oh, it's great!"

What I really wanted to say was, "Oh. Mad money and mad bitches!" Of course I would've meant that literally, the mad bitches part.

Around 9 p.m. Elliott shows up unannounced. He needs to print out some show flyers next door at the FedEx office. While he rides in the passenger seat on a few deliveries I recant some funny stories from the day and from the house.

Off work and back home.

Earlier Elliott gave me a chicken sandwich from Chic-fil-A. I asked Ling to cut it up into a dish: Chicken with Broccoli, Carrots, Onions, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Breaking Bad.

Skippy, Anthony, Josh, and Kevin are smoking out front. I carry the bike over to my car. They're giving me a hard time.

Josh: "Careful guys! He needs to focus cause he has to write about this in his blog later!"

While fiddling with the air pump Kevin pesters me with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other.

I mock, "And as usual Kevin's drinking a cigarette and smoking a beer!"

Realizing the switch up I made Kevin repeats questioningly, "Drinking a cigarette, Robert?"

He pops a squat in the driver's seat and puffs smoke into the windshield.

I ignore his behavior.

Realizing I'm not affected by it he gets out and says, "You're no fun, Robert."

Me: "I know you want a reaction. I'm just not gonna give it to you. Everyone wants a reaction and I'm not giving it to them!"

The guys go back inside and I take off into the cold night. Taking a detour through the Linlier neighborhood and eventually stopping at the basketball courts at Linkhorn Middle. I wanted to test out my recovering thumb to see if I could handle throwing a ball around.

Back home.

Sipping on a Yuengling.

Sleep 5 a.m.

---

[i] Image by me.

Sunday October 27 2013

[i]

Waking up at 11:20 a.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk and Brown Sugar.

All day shift at China Wok.

Sunny and chilly makes a pleasant day.

Banana. Pretzel Thins. Egg Drop Soup. Honey Green Tea.

It's steady for deliveries and the tips are more generous than yesterday by a long shot.

Ana shows up for a visit. She's wearing an all black outfit that looks really comfortable.

Me: "You look cute today."

She rides around with me on a few runs. We drive into Broad Bay Island, a five-mile island stretch of very expensive housing near Shore Drive. It's like a roller coaster ride coming down the steep hill entrance.

At one point, Ana and I witness a heated lecture given by Ling, my boss, to the other cook. His voice is raised high enough to interrupt my conversation. Ling gets so frustrated in the moment he starts shoving the guy into the prepping table. We both sense the awkwardness of the bad energy.

Fiberful Peanut Butter Chocolate Granola Bar. Apple.

After everything pipes down for deliveries I talk with Ling about how business has been slow inside the restaurant. In regards to earlier I ask, "Everything okay today?"

Impassioned he explains how thickheaded and slow the other cook can be sometimes. It infuriates him, just the same as Eileen (his daughter) infuriates him. I think he might even be afraid that this inferior behavior got passed down to her.

I get off work at a decent hour and leave with over $30 more than I made yesterday. Checks and balances.

Fried Shrimp with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Breaking Bad.

Milk Chocolate Hazelnut Bar.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Source unknown.

Saturday October 26 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Attending a gathering where comedians are expected to take the stage. Jackie Chan appears. He pulls out a blunt. As I continue watching him the blunt seems to morph into a handful of wrapped up weed. He lights it up with no intention of smoking it. A police officer nearby nonchalantly walks over with an extinguisher and sprays it till the fire's out. He then arrests Jackie Chan. It's almost as if he knew this would happen and the whole idea was to send a message of some kind to the public.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 11:05 a.m.

Cinnamon Raisin Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese. Orange Juice. Vitamin C (500 mg).

All day shift at China Wok.

Banana. Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Pretzel Thins. Honey Green Tea.

Stopping by Advanced Auto. I purchase a quart of oil and an air freshener that appealed to me. The total comes out to $11.11. The guy at the register comments, "Oh! eleven eleven."

Me: "Yeah. I used to see that all the time."

Guy: "You should play."

I assumed he meant like the lottery or something.

I accept some Fried White Rice with Egg and Shrimp that Ling offers me.

It hasn't been very profitable. In fact, I've been getting shitty tips and an unwanted amount of stiffs. I'm not very enthusiastic about it, especially after I coincidentally step in dog shit without knowing and discover the smell while I'm driving. However, the girls back at the restaurant have their own way of brightening up my day. They march around dressed in matching butterfly costumes complete with wings strapped on their backs.

Fiberful Peanut Butter Chocolate Granola Bar.

Delivering an order in Harper's Square to a regular customer, one who orders the bare minimum, never tips, and lives significantly far. But I've always held a secret fondness for this black girl. Despite the lack of tip she has this great smile and such a pleasant face. After the transaction I try to say something before she shuts the door...

Me: "Hey I know you've ordered from us before. I just wanna let you know I work for tips."

She smiles and says, "Oh okay. I'll remember for next time."

Me: "Alright. See you later."

Apple.

It's after 10 o'clock. I get a delivery off Great Neck Road almost near Shore Drive. I always remember my old friend Robbie and his parents who lived in this neighborhood. And to my surprise the address on the ticket matches his house. I knock. His mother, along with two excited labs, answers the door. Robbie comes down the stairs. He's looking slim as ever and wearing a Joy Division t-shirt. Then, Kevin walks in.

Me: "Kevin? What are you doing here?"

I know they hang out sometimes. But then I see Steve, who was just working at the restaurant for the dinner shift a few minutes ago.

Me: "My mind is blown."

Off work and back home.

Enjoying Vegetable Lo Mein and Breaking Bad.

Chores.

Milk Chocolate and Hazelnut Bar.

When punching in the numbers from the day's work into the computer I calculate 111 miles driven. Weird. Maybe these 11's are a new wakeup call for me. I used to believe that their repeated appearances meant something.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Image by me.

Friday October 25 2013

[i]

I awaken to Josh singing his little heart out on guitar in the next room over.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

Errands.

Egg Sandwich with Tomato and Mayonnaise. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Strawberry Greek Yogurt. Honey Black Tea.

Breaking Bad.

At the storage unit having a quick brush-up practice with Josiah and Calum, then off to Norfolk.

At The Jewish Mother Backstage on Granby Street. Our band, Ladada, is opening up the show. We perform our short set of happy pop-rock songs. Surprisingly I have no issues with my thumb, as I'm able to hold the pic and strum the bass like normal; maybe all I needed was a mild surge of adrenaline. We seem to get a positive response from the crowd.

...

Eating dinner with Ana up on the second floor (the green room). A thick Spinach Salad with Cucumbers, Tomatoes, Egg, and Hush Puppies. Lionshead Beer.

Step Pets goes on next. It's Mike Gombas and Chris Kendrick's new band; I perform solo with these guys frequently in VB. It's only their third show. And they do prove themselves valiantly with their well-rounded melodic rock and a near replica cover of the Radiohead song "There There".

...

A band called Buried Beds from Philly and with former members of Me Without You goes on next. Their well-crafted chamber-pop harmonies are inspirational. All of us are blown away by the sound. Looking up at the regal neo-classical design of the white ceiling blends right in with this beautiful mood.

...

Afterwards, Bianca, Josiah, Calum, Ana, and I walk a few blocks down the street to a studio in the art district where some friends of friends are hanging out. Inside, Ana and I hop into two comfortable Brazilian hammock chairs. We get the tour of the vast space of a place this is. Out back in the alley we share nonsensical conversation. It's the first genuinely cold night of the season it seems like. The North Star and the half-moon stare down at us from the sky.

Settling down at home with hot Tea.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] All images by me.

Thursday October 24 2013

[i]

Deep...deep sleep. I check my phone for the time. 1:47 p.m. Goodness. Ana and I slept in late.

Sharing bowls of cereal: Honey Bunches of Oats with Brown Sugar and Almond Milk. Orange Juice. Vitamin C (500 mg).

She leaves but with a taste of disappointment to which she texts me about later...

Ana: "We haven't had sex in a while. I don't like it."

Me: "Well let's take care of that tonight, huh?"

Grilled Cheese on a Bagel with Hummus and Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Black Tea.

Breaking Bad.

Running and working out at the neighborhood clubhouse.

Salmon with Mushrooms, Onions, Carrots, Lentils, and Rice Pilaf.

Breaking Bad.

Ana went to a Halloween party in Norfolk but returns here as we agreed. She's got a "Grandma" dress on, which she looks exceptionally attractive in. Downstairs, we cut up a big pumpkin into pieces to cook and mash up for baking uses. Picking out the seeds, cleaning them, then roasting them in the oven. Meanwhile, Sasha is in and out tending to her pot of beans. Sipping on Hot Chocolate and listening to songs on Hype Machine.

Upstairs in the bedroom. Ana settles down in the bed to read her Zen book. I let her finish reading the last paragraph then creep up around her with a sensual vigor. Underneath she's wearing tights that have a few holes. I rip a few more into them, with her permission of course. Leaning my head over her grinning face. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Touch. Touch. Touch. Inside. Tumbling. Humping. We needed this.

Sleep sometime before 4 a.m.

---

[i] All images by me.

Wednesday October 23 2013

[i]

Waking up at 1:17 p.m.

Grapefruit. Almond Yogurt Granola Bar. Orange Juice. Vitamin C (500 mg).

Writing.

Grilled Cheese on a Bagel with Hummus and Tomato. Flaxseed Tortilla Chips with Salsa and Hummus. Honey Black Tea. Strawberry Greek Yogurt.

Breaking Bad.

At the neighborhood clubhouse running a few miles on the treadmill.

Chocolate Hazelnut Bar.

At the storage unit practicing songs with Josiah and Calum. My right thumb is still healing and therefore I can't hold a pic and strum a guitar or bass. It's amazing how much this affects almost every aspect of my life. I'm restricted from music, playing basketball, etc. At any rate I attempt to finger pic the bass but it doesn't sound as crisp.

...

In between sets Josiah and I reminisce over a few Mae tour stories.

Josiah: "Sometimes I wish I could hop in a time machine just to see what was around that corner..."

After going over the bridge of "Comets" Josiah stops to stretch his back and neck. He does it in such a way that seems cathartic and non-human.

Josiah: "Whoo! Heebeegeebees."

Me: "For some reason I just imagined you taking off your head and your arms, and all of a sudden we realize you're a robot."

Josiah: "Sometimes I think I am, man. Sometimes I think I am."

[Ha-ha-ha]

Me: "That's too philosophical for me."

Back home. Sasha cooked up a big pot of Chicken and Bean Chili, a recipe she found on a blog. Ana arrives and we eat a few bowls with some Bread Rolls.

...

Upstairs, I rig up a hanging laptop shelf on the roof of the loft bed using some fruit basket chain links and a tray from the mini-fridge. Surprised at how functional it turns out to be, creating free leg movement. I put on Drive (2011) cause she hasn't ever seen it, one of my all-time favorite films of this century. Sharing Popcorn and a can of PBR. Afterwards, she keeps me up for hours talking in the dark. During a moment of silence she'll emit softly, "Robert?" I can't do anything but smile and listen. This is peak time for her thoughts and analyzations. She would usually write in her journal but prefers to talk out loud. Sometimes she'll start out saying something and then...nothing.

Me: "Ellipses. There you go again...never finishing your sentences."

There are humorous points in the conversation and sometimes we hit serious points, like the topic of cleaning up her life: new job, new living situation, change and such. It takes time. Accomplish one thing at a time. She always complains about how she doesn't open up to me like she wants to and I feel this might be pivotal that she's doing this now. Eventually, I don't know how or when, we drift off to sleep.

---

[i] Image by me.

Tuesday October 22 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Somebody opens up this casket meant for two bodies. It makes a creepy creaking sound. Inside are two decomposing skeletons, characters from an ancient time. The guy that opened it kind of pokes at the bones in disgust and then shuts the lid. The casket submerges back into the murky water.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 1:24 p.m.

Grapefruit. Fiberful Peanut Butter Chocolate Granola Bars. Orange Juice. Vitamin C (500 mg).

Taking care of business.

Errands.

Egg Salad Sandwich with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Black Tea.

At the Rec Center for basketball. I wrapped up my sore thumb in athletic tape in hopes to protect it from further agitation while playing but after a few minutes of playing I realize it is still weak. The more I handle the ball the more irritated it becomes. I ask for ice in between games and can still keep up with defense.

Back home.

Lentils with Kale, Carrots, Mushrooms, and Rice Pilaf.

Breaking Bad.

Downstairs Josh and Richie are inscribing secret messages behind pictures on the wall.

Writing.

Milk Chocolate with Hazelnuts. Almond Milk.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Circa 1949.

Monday October 21 2013

[i]

Waking up around 11 a.m.

Cinnamon Raisin Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese. Orange Juice. Vitamin C (500 mg).

All day shift at China Wok.

While driving down Oceana Blvd I get spotted by the Russians (Jamil with his girlfriend and Roma with his girlfriend).

Danny's in the area trying to get a part time job as a videographer at a real estate company. He stops in for lunch. Now that Anthony is finished with the script for our film we discuss the next steps in production like formatting, planning the budget, location, cast, etc.

Fiberful Peanut Butter Chocolate Granola Bar.

It's a fairly steady afternoon for a Monday. Some stiffs, some tips.

Stephanie shows up with her application to move into Chanticleer. We go over a few concerns and talk about the housing arrangement. She's retreating from a confined depressing apartment in Washington Square down the street. She wants a new environment, bright and opportunistic, which she's hoping to find here at 1435.

Egg Drop Soup. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Half of a Cinnamon Bun.

Delivering an order to a house across the street from London Bridge Baptist Church. A mother tends to the credit receipt while her mom holds the door open. Thunderous jet noise fills the air and interrupts our conversation – nothing out of the norm. After it dies down the older mother comments, "That's our dinner music."

"That'll be my dinner music, too, later," I add.

But she doesn't hear me so I repeat it. Then she says, "A small price to pay for freedom I guess."

Apple.

It's a nice night – the temperature is chilly but endurable and the orders steadily come through, easily manageable for a solo driver. No help from Kevin or Steve.

Delivering an order in Bancroft Hall Apartments. A mom answers the door and fills out the receipt. Her little girl stares out the door at my car and says, "Mommy! The Chinese man has a purple car!"

Mommy: "Yes he does."

Off work and back home.

Tofu with Broccoli, Carrots, Onions, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Breaking Bad.

Anthony taps on my door.

Me: "No! I'm relaxing, trying to stay away from the world."

 

I keep myself relaxed for the rest of the night.

Ana had written me a semi-lengthy Facebook message explaining herself – her insecurities and such with opening up to me.

"I want nothing more than to just release all my thoughts to you, but I guess maybe I'm afraid of letting you see all of me because I don't want to be left as some souvenir. You've got this warm soul. I care about you a lot. And I really appreciate you dealing with my difficulty of opening up to you all the way. Goodness is all that you are. I like this relationship of ours. Other than me not opening up (which will change I promiseeeee!!!) I do not have any complaints."  

Sleep around 3 a.m.

---

[i] Keun Young Park.

Sunday October 20 2013

[i]

Waking up at 11:35 a.m.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Ana and Stephanie roll up in the yellow Mercedes from the 80's to grab some Chinese donuts and moo shu. They've been job hunting around Hilltop. Ana's wearing this new lavender buttoned top. I comment on how I like her outfit.

Me: "You should be in a music video or something."

I snap a few photos of them sitting atop the hood of the car. Stef placed a banana behind the medallion.

Me: "Is that a banana on your Mercedes or are you just happy to see me?"

Peanut Butter Bagel. Baked Lentil Chips. Greek Strawberry Yogurt. Honey Green Tea.

It's significantly slow for the afternoon.

Janice is sitting next to me at the table wobbling on her knees hovering over my computer as I type.

"Write about me!" she exclaims. "Okay?"

I smile and say, "Okay."

Peanut Butter Chocolate Granola Bar.

It picks up dramatically for the evening deliveries.

Apple.

Just waiting for the night to end so I can be sitting comfortably at home in my computer chair eating a hearty meal and watching Breaking Bad.

And so it happens soon enough...

Teriyaki Chicken with Egg and Vegetable Fried Rice.

Ana comes over.

I mention my concern about my belly, "I feel fat. I've just been feeling fat lately."

So we suit up – stretching a little bit on the floor – then going for a night run. It's chilly enough to wear hoodies to keep our ears warm. We can hear the echoing sounds of the open mic at Tapped across the street – the folk singers wailing away on their guitars – from far away it sounds like a bigger event than it actually is.

...

Back in my room. Ana pulls out her big black journal and starts writing. 

...

Hot Chocolate.

She talks about how excited and determined she is to get a new job and move out of her mom's house. She just needs something new...a change.

Me: "You're gonna clean up your life!"

...

It's 3 a.m. Interlocking in the bed. After a while as I'm turned over facing the wall with intention on sleeping she fumbles around in the dark.

"What's going on? Where are you going?"

"I'm just going to the kitchen," she says. "I can't sleep."

---

[i] Image by me.

Saturday October 19 2013

[i]

Waking up at 11 a.m.

Blueberry Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese. Orange Juice. Vitamin C (500 mg).

Working all day at China Wok.

Egg Drop Soup. Baked Lentil Chips. Honey Green Tea.

On the down time at the restaurant Janice sits anxiously in the chair across from me while I read and type on the computer. She keeps saying my name over and over again, and encouraging me to get back to work and finish the snow peas.

Me: "You can call me Bob."

Janice: "Bob? Bob!"

Peanut Butter Chocolate Granola Bar.

It's unusually slow for a Saturday night but I'm the only driver and that just means more profit for me.

Apple.

Off work and back home. Ana and Stephanie were hanging out today. They baked chocolate cupcakes together. They seem to be budding a friendship. Stef is supposed to move in on the 1^st. As I'm told those two will be baking together quite often. I spot Ana upstairs and immediately start reciting lyrics to that Beatles song "A Hard Day's Night"...

"It's been a hard day's night. And I've been working like a dog. It's been a hard day's night. I should be sleeping like a log. But when I get home to you I find the things that you do they make me feel alright!"

We talk outside by her car. She keeps iterating that she doesn't want to intrude on my settle-down time after work.

Me: "You're always so careful not to hold anyone back from something."

Ana: "I know! I don't wanna be a burden."

I reach my arm around her soft black hair and embrace. She nips me on the neck with her lips, something she has no choice of doing when her face is in such close proximity with my face.

Broccoli, Carrots, and Rice in Brown Sauce.

Breaking Bad.

Tending to the bruised thumb with hot water and massages.

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

---

[i] Image by me.