Sunday November 4 2012


11:43 a.m. waking up.

Instant Blueberry Oatmeal. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Strawberries to tide me over till lunch.

It’s quite busy for the daytime – non-stop driving with barely enough time to stop for lunch.

Grilled Cheese with Tomato and Hummus. Potato Chip Trio. Honey Green Tea.

No pressing psychoanalytical thoughts today. Just work and flow.

Fried Shrimp with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Off work.

Continuing the conversation I was having with my mom last night but now we have more time to engage deeply.

Me: “There’s just a lot of noise around me.”

Her: “Shutting out the noise and really hearing from takes feeding those spiritual needs...”

With the presidential election only a day away our topics veer to the current political heat and the various issues we believe are the most important. We can both agree at least that, “When I look at Romney I see something...artificial.” We talk about being stuck in the everyday hustle and bustle...survival much that sometimes we lose track of time and space.

Downstairs baking some more pumpkin muffins but this time with whole-wheat flour: Whole Wheat Honey Raisin Pumpkin Muffins topped with Powdered Sugar. I enjoy four of them with Milk while I watch a documentary called Surviving Progress (2011) dealing with some of the issues I talked about with my mom.


While taking a sexual load off I find myself seeing clearly behind the biology of humanity, the primal drive and move to exist (or the flow of life), and looking beyond the unobservable. There’s a bigger scope to grasp here. It’s easy to get locked into a system of affairs (the eating, the breathing, the working, the entertainment, the sexing, the consumerism) and lose track of what’s actually happening. It’s easy to stay blind. It takes a deep inner pause to be revealed the mechanics and structure of it all. And I’m not just talking about politics and conspiracies. I’m talking about imminent reality. Time. Amidst certain encounters of pleasure I’m able to see, even during the experience, the force that drives me to seek these sensations. Push back all the morale and the spiritual and then it’s all just ones and zeroes, cause and effect. After that layer you click back on the spiritual plane of all that is. Then everything becomes vibrant and purposeful. Even with all the logic meanderings dwelling in the back of my mind, the orgasmic moment comes. I choose to live in this world, the world of emotion and sensation, the world of spirit and faith.

Sleep 4 a.m.

[i] Ecstasy. 1894. Władysław Podkowiński.
[ii] Image by me.

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