Tuesday November 12 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

In the desert surrounded by a swarm of flying beetle creatures. We try to hide in the sand. The deeper I dig into the sand the muddier it gets. Sand crabs scramble in between my fingers. The danger of the beetle creatures are forgotten about. Next thing I know we're on a boat, somebody else's boat, maybe we stole it. We approach the harbor at an extreme speed. We escaped the desert and are now fugitives. I notice police cars patrolling a corner of the road up ahead. We jump out onto the dock and make a discreet run for it. Standing at the entrance of the bay where vehicles enter I try to get people's attention at the stoplight by knocking on their passenger side windows. But the light changes too quickly. So we're stranded here.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up around 1:20 p.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

Watching Oldboy (2003).

Mozzarella and Tomato Salad with Egg and Celery. Potato Bread. Honey Black Tea.

Adult basketball at the Rec Center. Within the first three minutes I score three shots.

"Buckets!"

Even with a few embarrassing moments today is a much more satisfactory day for basketball.

Banana. Leftover Baby Broccoli.

Showering up. Then meeting up at Rick's Café with James Graves.

Flounder with Mashed Potatoes, Mac n Cheese, Hush Puppies.

Eventually, Elliott and Leslie join us at the table. It's inevitable we get caught up in silly table games like flipping the cream cups into bigger cups or catapulting bits of straw wrapper into the air. We wait it out till Darren arrives from NYC via the China bus.

Back at the house, Kevin and the rest of the gang are hanging out smoking up in the kitchen. Darren describes his experiences in New York and how the idea of being retired at a young age is appealing to him, just kind of doing whatever you want without any career or financial progression. Between him, Kevin, and myself we get deep into rants about China Wok considering we're all current or former employees at the restaurant.

Sipping on Lemon Ginger Tea.

Sleep 4:30 a.m.

---

[i] Images by me.

Monday November 11 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Attending this open house for a loft apartment for rent. There's a line. Aaron Lachman is here. I don't think we expected to see each other. I get inside. The agent gives me the tour and the rundown of the place. It's supposed to be an affordable luxury apartment. It used to be some kind of dental practitioner's office so the bathroom still has the chairs you would sit in and the machines to get your teeth inspected. The whole place was built in between apartments in Emerald Point off Regency. There's a lot of space in the common areas but the bedrooms are tight-fitted and without proper doors, just plastic curtains. I ask the agent how much a month it will cost. She says about $1500. For only three bedrooms it seems expensive. I explain further that, "There are too many non-functional spaces." I meant areas that are a waste of space or function. She doesn't understand but admits that most everyone that has come in today left with disapproval.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 1:10 p.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

Errands. Chores.

Cinnamon Raisin Ezekiel 4:9 Bread with Peanut Butter. Celery. Grapefruit. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Watching He Got Game (1998).

Working out in my room.

I head out to the basketball courts near Mill Dam. Shooting around and practicing my ball handling techniques. It's a tad bit chilly but after warming up I don't feel nothing.

Apple.

I drive out to Ana's house in Norfolk. She prepared Salmon and Pasta with a Marinara and Mushroom Sauce. I brought Baby Broccoli and Cucumbers.

While cleaning the dishes together the sink gets clogged up. The garbage disposal apparently hasn't worked for years. I check under the sink and push the reset button on the unit. Suddenly, we hear the disposal churn. Ana has exclamation marks above her head.

Me: "There you go! Fixed. You really need a man in this house."

Later while I'm leaning up against the wall a piece of the side panel falls off.

Ana: "See? This house is falling apart!"

Me: "That's what I'm here for."

...

I also brought over a twin mattress as a gift because she's been sleeping on the living room couch and sometimes this flabby futon couch. In her bedroom I go over to shut the door all the way but the doorknob doesn't click.

"Everything in my life is broken," she says.

I reply, "Obviously. That's why you need a man...in your life...to fix things."

...

A space heater glows orange and makes the room cozy. If you turn the knob up too high it makes a loud buzzing sound. We entertain ourselves for a moment.

We dance briefly to the nostalgic sounds of Patsy Cline. Soon after I put on a Frank Sinatra record that instigates sexual notions. His vibrato crooner voice spins audibly high while our erotic reactions attempt to sing along. At some point we kind of stop...before any of us finish. It seems something is weighing on her mind. I can't tell if it's related to me though.

Me: "Something's wrong. Are you okay?"

Ana: "Yeah."

I lay down next her.

Analyzing the curvature of her body with my fingers I mention, "I haven't looked at you naked in a while. You're beautiful."

We cuddle under the green quilted blanket and talk while the buzz of the heater interrupts us every fifteen seconds. Shortly after 2 a.m. I drive home.

Eating Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups and researching.

Sleep at some late hour.

---

[i] All images by me.

Sunday November 10 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

My mom and I are visiting my Uncle JW's house in the farmland of North Carolina. We hop in the car to leave taking an un-traveled sandy dirt path. I warn her to slow down cause the dirt will make us swerve and lose control. But it's too late. We hit a thick patch of sand and the car sort of hydroplanes. She slams on the brakes but nothing's working. Our wild car is coming up close to the main road where there seems to be a lot of traffic. My mom manages to keep us away from the road and we continue down the hillside. We pass a cop on speed patrol. He is suspicious of us. The brakes start to work again and we come to a complete stop in the middle of the grass. The cop approaches. I explain to him that we just came from my uncle's house. He mentions JW's name; I guess they know each other. He brings a lawnmower out from a shed nearby. I connect mini red and black wires to the car battery and jumpstart it successfully. The cop becomes romantically interested in my mom and asks to get coffee with her sometime.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 11:41 a.m.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Ana slept in my bed pretty late. I invite her to join me at the restaurant for lunch. We share a Super Spinach Salad (Spinach, Chic Peas, Edamame, Pumpkin Seeds, Cranberry Raisins, and Ginger Carrot Miso Dressing) from Trader Joe's with Egg Drop Soup.

The day continues in an autopilot kind of haze. I'm just going through the motions. Delivery after delivery. I find myself losing enthusiasm after each order. I keep enough energy to be cordial and pleasing at the customer's door but that's it.

Banana. Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups.

It's after 9 o'clock. Business is winding down. Cecily and the daughters are eating dinner at the table. Eileen as usual is having trouble eating her portion. Cecily sits next to her shoveling spoonfuls of rice in her mouth. She can't chew fast enough before she just throws it up. Cecily, royally disappointed, takes Janice (the other daughter) and goes home leaving Eileen with us, not a normal occurrence mind you. I ask Ling why they left her behind. He said that we all think she's slow and nobody wants her. Explaining to me in his limited English vocabulary it sounds super mean. He laughs and asks if I want to take her to my home. He says it takes her ten minutes to eat just one leaf of bok choy. I just don't know how I can intervene and offer any kind of advice. She's not my child. The Chinese aren't stupid but as parents they can be a tad harsh on the inferior ones. And they're not proud of Eileen; they make this known to her and it damages her self-esteem.

When I arrive home I find the bed made and a hand written note with a heart on it from Ana. "You warm MY heart. Thank you for being YOU!" it says. I thank her via text. She responds with, "I want to leave good beds and good notes just for you because I really appreciate you and everything that you do! [heart symbol] When you left this morning for work and smothered me with hugs as I was half awake and half sleeping...That really made my morning."

Vegetable Lo Mein.

Watching Olympus Has Fallen (2013).

Brushing up on NBA news.

Sleep 3 a.m.

---

[i] Heart-Note from Ana.

Saturday November 9 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Out in front of my house there's a party. I feel compelled to give a critical speech.

Me: "Hey! Stop talking! I wanna say something. C'mon! Gather over here you guys!"

Everybody stops doing what they're doing and gathers around in the parking lot.

Me: "You're just so loud. So much noise...all...the...time. I'm not just talking about the talking. You just come to my house or someone else's house or some event and nobody's going anywhere with their lives."

I notice one person appears to be offended and tries to leave.

Me: "Hey don't get offended. I'm talking about myself here too."

Close by I see Anthony, Josh, Kevin, and Richie laughing about something unrelated and obviously not listening.

Me: "Hey! You four! We're having a conversation over here!"

It's always a struggle giving speeches in my dreams. I can never explain myself well and I have a hard time getting people to listen.

▬ ○ ☼

Getting out of bed at 11:11 a.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

While delivering to Bay Point senior hospital, on the elevator, I run into one of the basketball players that frequents the games at the Rec Center. We've never been formally introduced or anything like that but we both recognize each other.

Him: "Whoa. Whoa."

Me: "Whoa! What are you doing here?"

Him: "I work here. Hold on, I gotta take a picture for my homies."

Mixed Nuts with Raisins. Spring Roll. Egg Drop Soup. Honey Green Tea.

The day continues generically...until Ana shows up for a visit, a little earlier than usual, like early evening. It always adds such a brightness to my workday when she's here. She offers me a few Trader Joe's version of Oreo's to snack on. I observe how she always tries to hide the fact that she's eating something, especially when it's a snack or something sweet.

Me: "You're always sneaking snacks! You're like a squirrel."

Smiling...all the time. That's all I can do when I'm around her. I just want to squeeze her leg and wrap my arm around her sweet black head of hair. At one point while driving through a neighborhood off Inlynnview I accidentally hit a double dip in the road and my car bottoms out with a bang. I knew it was there and I would've slowed down if I wasn't distracted talking with Ana. Besides, there aren't even any warning signs that say "DIP" or even a Yield sign.

...

She leaves to help Stephanie out with some photography at the Jewish Mother across the street. Later she brings by a few groceries I requested from Trader Joe's.

An order comes through online. A girl ordered for her sick boyfriend and asks us to leave a written note in the bag...

A guy I deliver to rounds up the total to about $6 but leaves the word "Math" in the tip line. I guess he didn't feel like doing math.

Off work and back home. The kids are roasting s'mores on the back patio. I stay in my room for a while eating my Garlic Tofu with Broccoli, Carrots, Onions, and Rice.

Downstairs Kevin is using his Chanello's and Papa John's expertise to help Stephanie make a pizza using a whole wheat pre-made dough.

Me: "Show them how to dock the dough, Kevin!"

Settling down in the bed with Ana. We cuddle under the blankets making sure every inch of our body is covered. Entertaining ourselves with a few cat gifs then to sleep.

---

[i] Peeking Squirrel. Image by unknown.

Friday November 8 2013

[i]

Waking up at 11 a.m. with a heavy, heavy head. I want more sleep but I can't have more sleep.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Kevin didn't work full day shifts the past few days so I have to pick up his slack and do extra chores at work like cleaning the glass windows, snapping the snow peas, and prepping the bags.

Five Guy's French Fries with Ketchup. Honey Green Tea.

As it usually is on the last business day of the week the traffic is exceptionally congested in Hilltop. Longer wait times for right turns. Longer wait times at lights. Longer wait times for anything.

Strawberry Greek Yogurt.

The deliveries are steady.

Later on in the night I make a delivery to 1120 Ocean Trace, the same address my ex-girlfriend, Margot, lived at and even the exact apartment too. In the back of my mind I consider it could be a joke. A cordial young lady with kids answers the door.

I make it known, "Hey there. You might find it strange but my ex-girlfriend used to live here. I spent a lot of time in that room."

Lady: "Oh really? That's funny."

I mean what are the odds out of all the apartments in Ocean Trace that this particular resident orders from a restaurant that I work at.

Off work and back home. Settling down gratefully in my bedroom with dinner: Hot and Sour Soup. Broccoli, Carrots, and Rice in Brown Sauce.

Darren pops in out of nowhere.

Me: "Whoa! Look who it is."

He hands me a PBR tallboy and plops down on my bed. We sip on the beers while he talks about how fucked up his life and future is. Nothing ever changes in him; he'll always be the same. In a way that's kind of comforting to know someone won't ever change. But then he moves on to his recent experiences, his sexual escapades on Craigslist in Radford. He calls one of them a fiasco but I can't divulge.

Darren: "I was just tryin' it out. The Craigslist is goin' crazy."

Me: "And you're going crazy with it."

...

He's still kicking it in Radford working as a delivery driver at one of the only two Chinese restaurants there. We compare income. He complains about the college scene.

Darren: "Yeah man, all these college kids suck, yo. All so fucking pretentious. Oh, dude! But yo, I'm maturing in ways cause I'm sleeping with this black girl, and check this out, yo! Yo, check out this girl's body."

He pulls up a picture on his phone and shows me.

Darren: "Check it out. Like oh my god, dawg. I'm fightin' racism like every day! Shit's left and right, dawg."

Our discussion brings us to the topic of security and love and how everyone has to choose one or the other.

Darren: "I mean, yo, shit's just fucked dawg. Shit is not tight...with my life. My life is alright but my life is only alright because I tell myself it's alright."

He sees new opportunities in New York City where he plans to move next spring.

...

Another thing he still talks about is this girl that he just could never shake from his heart. Through all his relational disasters she still takes up residence inside his head. I crack open the fortune cookie I took from China Wok and it happens to read, "An old love will come back to you."

Me: "Oh my gosh, Darren! This is for you."

What are the odds?

Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

---

[i] Jeff Koons.

Thursday November 7 2013

[i]

Waking up around 1:30 p.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

General research and reading articles.

Picking up the guitar and playing a few songs, something I haven't done in at least three weeks or so since I injured my thumb.

Ezekiel 4:9 Cinnamon Raisin Toast with Peanut Butter. Mixed Nuts. Baked Lentil Chips. Orange Juice.

Watching Devil (2010).

Workout and basketball at the Rec Center. My game play is sub-par today but in the end it was fun and I got a good run out of it. At one point when I make a drive to the hoop someone from the sidelines yells out, "Get it, Bart!" I get a new nickname every time. 

I drive to Norfolk to meet Ana at her house. She prepared a nice little dinner for us: Salmon, Brown Rice, Brussel Sprouts, Edamame, and Vanilla Chamomile Tea. It's not often I'm over here. It's nice to be a guest as opposed to a host all the time. She revamped her bedroom, rearranging everything and adding a new computer desk, which she plastered with sheet music. It's a really cool piece. Her mom comes home and carries Papa, the dog, in her arms everywhere she goes. Apparently, he looks okay with being a carry companion. Ana helps pluck her mom's eyebrows.

We go to The Iguana for a dance night. Wesley and Charles Rasputin are deejaying. A few friends are here. Sipping on a drink called Angry Balls, which consists of an Angry Orchard Cider mixed in with a shot of Fireball. It's like getting punched in the face with an alcoholic apple pie. It's not a huge crowd but just enough bodies to entertain ourselves with the rhythm and beat. Twirling and whirling and shuffling the feet – bouncing off the wooden columns – swinging around the pole – Ana and I hand in hand attempting a dance number; her face shines with happiness. We had been talking about dancing for a long time. It just never worked out until tonight.

...

We drive back to Ana's house. It's dark in her bedroom, the only light coming from her owl corner. She requests I help unbutton her green dress but the hair is caught in one of the buttons.

Me: "Your hair is such a burden isn't it?"

After messing with it for a few minutes I realize the best way is to snip it with scissors. She wraps up in this fluffy cozy blanket with a fox on it. We embrace and chat for a good while.

Back home.

Sleep at 5 a.m.

---

[i] All images by me.

Wednesday November 6 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

I've got my computer station set up (extra monitor and external hard drives included) inside the café area of a grocery store that's understood to be Whole Foods. As I'm packing up I get distracted in a conversation with someone I know a few tables down. When I return to my spot it appears someone has stolen some of my things. The situation gets frustrating really quick. I search around for the culprit. There's a little girl hiding with her sister by an aisle peeking around to see if anyone's after them. They don’t seem to notice me march over.

Me: "Hey! Give me my stuff back!"

I confiscate what's in her hands, which seems to be nothing of mine. The scene continues in this manner. I'm highly stressed.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up around 1:30 p.m.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

Some blog is telling me how I'm eating apples all wrong, shucking strawberries wrong, and eating cupcakes wrong. Most people leave 30% of an apple when they're done but eating from the bottom up will eliminate any leftover core. For strawberries, using a straw and poking from bottom out will remove the leaf of at the top without discarding too much strawberry. For cupcakes, twisting the bottom half off the cupcake and then sandwiching it on top of the frosting makes sure you get a combination of frosting and cake in every bite.

I drive out to a storage unit in Kempsville to meet a guy selling a whole bunch of stuff, mainly I was interested in these bulky book shelves once used in the Norfolk library in the 1950's. His kids are running around with an umbrella and throwing bouncy balls around while him and I negotiate prices. For $120 I take three library shelves, one regular wood bookshelf, a fold-up wooden table, and a black floor lamp. It all fits perfectly in my station wagon but weighs it down a ton. I drive carefully down the road. Oh my goodness. There's traffic galore. Almost every stoplight requires a ten-minute wait. Then, Kevin calls me saying his car is spilling coolant all over the place so I'm obligated to cover the dinner shift at China Wok. No problem. But I barely make it to Hilltop in a timely manner. While waiting at the intersection of Laskin and First Colonial a string of ambulances and fire trucks zoom by. Of course, they use their infrared stoplight changers. It causes a glitch in the traffic lights making our line of traffic wait almost 15 minutes until the light turns green. I don't have a problem with these devices being used because I'm sure it's more important that those emergency vehicles arrive in time to save a life or whatever. But every time it screws up the stoplight cycles. 

...

Mixed Nuts. Papaya. Vanilla Almond Granola Bar. Salt n Vinegar Chips with Hummus. Lemon Water.

...

Working a few hours at China Wok. Making an easy $40. Josh ordered some food and requested me to pick up beer too.

Me: "Why can't you just walk and get some yourself? You're not a teenager."

Josh: "There's some part of me that just wants to see beer and chinese come to me."

Back home.

There's a showing of Kevin's infamous film The Lone Survivor in the living room.

Black Beans, Broccoli, Snow Peas, and Rice in Brown Sauce.

Watching Sidewalls (2011).

Situating one of the new bookshelves in the living room. And so completes the VHS/DVD library, Phase One of the reconstruction of our living room.

Meanwhile Josh, Kevin, Richie, and Sasha are hanging out drinking up beer and wine. And Josh once again proves himself to be a raging poetic alcoholic. It's just one of those destructive nights of his, not a rarity, but liable to happen once a month, shattering glass on the floor, yelling nonsensical ramblings, spilling the bouquet of flowers, and scaring Sasha badly enough to bring tears to her eyes. It's just too much. I can't even be entertained by it. I'm very disconnected from that kind of world. Amidst the chaos I stick to my plan of velcroing books to the broken TV.

The night drags on into the dark early morning. I occupy my time with these mini tasks like researching books and downloading music. Sasha busies herself in the dining room drawing an intricate piece of work with markers, the "Book of the Week" sign. Like me, she's a night owl to the bone.

[ii]

Sleep at 5 a.m.

---

[i] Images by me.

[ii] Marker art by Sasha.

Tuesday November 5 2013

[i]

Waking up at 1 p.m.

Blueberry Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese. Orange Juice.

We have a 1435 house meeting today with Stephanie, Sasha, Kevin, Josh, myself, and Leisa as a mediator. After some constructive arguing we come to some agreements on weekly cleaning duties to be done.

...

Stephanie is on this kick of being anal about dust, which I don't blame her really but she mentions how much dust is collected on the surface of all the empty alcohol bottles above the old pump organ. She snaps a photo of a PBR bottle...

Stef: "Do we really need this?"

I defend myself, "No! Don't throw that PBR bottle away! I drink out of that like every two years!"

Leisa drops me off to pick up my car. She discusses with me her concerns about performing with the guitar – how she feels confident practicing alone but in front of people it goes away. I assure her that confidence comes in time. The good news is my mechanic finally figured out the problem with my car not cranking over occasionally. The starter gets too hot and worn out from turning the car on and off over the years. So time for a new one!

At the Rec Center for adult basketball. My thumb is officially healed so no more sloppy ball handling. The 3-point shots come easily – bucket after bucket. Some of the regular players take notice. At one point I get nick named Edward Scissor Hands, because of my hair. Overall I feel satisfied with my game play.

Papaya.

At home. Ana and Stef just finished baking some kind of healthy gooey cookie. Elliott shows up. We all start up the new fire pit on the back patio.

Making a Spinach Salad with Carrots and Cucumbers.

...

At some point another roommate argument ignites in Josh and Sasha's bedroom.

"No more Robertocracy! Down with Robama!"

Even though it's mostly in jest everybody keeps attacking me as if I've done them wrong.

Me: "If it wasn't for me this house wouldn't be alive today!" 

...

Cooking a Pepperoni Cheese Pizza Josh got for free at Whole Foods. We all share slices in the dining room while Kevin uses his obnoxious cartoon-like voice to read excerpts from an old book about alcohol addiction. He thinks it's clever to replace the word "drinking" with "masturbation".

Earlier I noticed something off with Ana. She seemed a little disconnected in the social mix. She expresses her desire to go home and be in her mom's comfortable bed. I carry a box full of owl paraphernalia out to her car. She sits sideways in the driver's seat wrapped up in a gray sweater while I stand there with the door open. Eventually I make a guess that she's on her period.  

She describes it like this, "It feels like my body is dying."

I feel bad for her that the intensity of it is such. The sound of acorns dropping on top of a car nearby keeps startling us.

Me: "The trees are loud tonight."

Ana: "Well they have a lot to say cause they lived a long time."

Back inside my room. It's 4 a.m. I didn't realize how much time escaped me out there with Ana. We talked forever.

---

[i] Image by me.

Monday November 4 2013

[i]

Waking up just before 1 p.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk and a Banana.

Phase 2 of 1435 Reconstruction: organizing the massive amounts of books Anthony had hidden in closets and boxes. The idea is to create an accessible library of books, VHS tapes, records, and DVDS. It's going to take some time.

Mixed Nuts and Raisins. Baked Lentil Chips. Strawberry Greek Yogurt. Orange Juice.

Watching Regarding Henry (1991).

Donating boxes of stuff to the thrift store and tossing junk in the dumpster.

My mechanic on 17^th Street said he'd take another look at my car regarding the problem with not starting on occasion. Installing a new alternator was supposed to solve this issue but it didn't. Either way I drop it off at the shop. If I'd a planned it better I would've brought my bike but I didn't. So I decide it's a nice night for a walk. I strap on my running shoes and tote a Harris Teeter bag with gym shorts and an iPod. It's not overwhelmingly cold out but it's chilly. I make it to the clubhouse. There're quite a number of people here tonight. Doing a multitude of things: lifting weights, crunches, jump roping, running, etc. Trying not to be distracted by the few attractive ladies nearby. We catch each other's eye frequently but then again it's a fairly small room so it's bound to happen. They say working out increases sexual energy. I feel it.

...

I take the long walk home, maybe a 30-minute walk. Submersed in a musical world of analytical thoughts – digging through ideas for change and progression.

Back home.

Pear.

Vegetable Pad Thai with Sautéed Spinach and Parmesan Bread.

Watching Regarding Henry (1991).

Stephanie has moved into Anthony and Kelley's old room. It's kind of strange not having them here. But Stephanie's added to the creative spirit of the house and along with that revolutionary ideas like having a chores list, being anal about dusting and vacuuming. It's nice having another girl in the mix to help facilitate cleanliness. 

Making and eating Chocolate Chip Cookies with Almond Milk. 

Skimming through a book called A Story of Music, Copyright 1938...

"While Beethoven, whose mind was slower, but perhaps deeper, once worked ten years on a single symphony. The boy Beethoven won the respect of his home town by his playing, but not excitement enough for a world tour."

Even as a child when I was first starting to play the piano I remember studying Beethoven and feeling like I shared kindred spirits with his music and his struggles in life.

Sleep 5 a.m.

---

[i] Image by me.

Sunday November 3 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

It's about 3 in the morning. I take a night walk through the neighborhood and up Laskin. I see the manager at a car wash is finishing up with closing the register. A lady, the last customer of the night, is still waiting for her car to be done. I find all of this strange because it's so late for a car wash to be open. I continue walking and decide to fly. So I flap my arms in such a way that I elevate my body above a few houses and into the Latitudes Apartment neighborhood. I spot a playground with monkey bars made of a loft bed. Kevin, an old friend of mine from church way back in the day, appears and we play chicken fights on the monkey bars. We hang strategically from the bars. We seem higher than we should be; the ground looks further down than I thought. The more we engage in battle the looser the bars become. Eventually it all collapses. We fall to the ground. Along with the loft bed about 5 or 6 guitars fell too. I don't know why they were there in the first place. But they belonged to some of the neighbors. They drunkenly march outside to check out the commotion. They're angrily disappointed. Some of them start brawling.

▬ ○ ☼

Alarm goes off at 11:05 a.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Banana.

Mixed Nuts and Raisins. Egg Roll. Egg Drop Soup. Honey Black Tea.

I'm noticing recurring numbers "333" and "111" today.

"Your total is $30.33."

"That'll be $31.11."

Not to mention the other day Stephanie paid me her starting rent, which was $333.

"Number 333 resonates with the vibrations and energies of number 3, appearing three times, tripling its influences. Number 3 = the 'Jesus connection'. When Angel Number 333 appears consistently it implies that the Ascended Masters are near you. They have responded to your prayers and wish to help and assist you in your endeavors and with serving your Divine life purpose and soul mission."

Sundays are typically nice and steady for deliveries. As soon as I arrive back at the restaurant another order is ready. I continue in this manner all day and night.

The temperature is brisk and chilly, a cold, cold day in November. The weather has been back and forth between warm and cold. Eventually, winter will settle us in.

Just before 8 p.m. Ana visits. I was trying to get her a job here driving part time but the bosses seem apprehensive about hiring her, not because she is a girl but because she doesn't have food delivery experience. They're just being selective. Either way, Ana puts on one of the cook hats and assists me in filling the dumpling sauce into little plastic containers.

... 

In the car on a delivery the New Radical's song "Get What You Give" comes on the iPod. She said she remembers the song but always thought it was sung by U2. I mention how easy it is when you're young and listening to music to associate big name artists with certain genres. I could've been guilty just the same. It's always nice having Ana here while I'm working. I can vent to her. I can warm my hands underneath her thighs. I can laugh.

Off work and back home.

Leftover Tilapia and Brown Rice with Broccoli and Snow Peas.

Watching Redemption (2013).

Downstairs, I continue with 1435 Reconstruction – organizing the VHS collection, adding shelves, adding more tapes.

Rewarding myself with Popcorn and a Pumpkin Toaster Pastry.

Sleep around 5 a.m.

---

[i] Lotus War Night (1). James Jean.

Saturday November 2 2013

[i]

Waking up at 11:05 a.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk. Grapefruit.

All day shift at China Wok.

Filling little 2 oz. cups of garlic dipping sauce – bagging the fried noodles.

Peanut Butter Bagel. Baked Lentil Chips. Honey Black Tea.

Today is much calmer than yesterday – the amount of deliveries not overwhelming – driving is easy.

At one point Ling tries to talk to me about how fast food is fake. "American food all fake!" He explains how a McDonald's strawberry milkshake has 42 ingredients. "Crazy! It's crazy!" He always talks with excitement and conviction.

Swiss Milk Chocolate.

Off work and back home.

Vegetable Lo Mein with Egg.

Finishing Pain & Gain (2013).

Spending a lot of time in the living room organizing the VHS collection and constructing a new shelf using blue crates.

Kevin drunkenly stumbles into the house. Josh and him smoke cigarettes out front. As I'm taking a load of junk to the dumpster Kevin impersonates a bro in an obnoxious manner.

Josh: "Robert, how do I handle this?"

Kevin: "You can handle a moose but you can't handle me!"

I had no idea it was daylight savings tonight. I'm very grateful that time goes back an hour. It's a precious gift for me.

---

[i] Albino Moose.

Friday November 1 2013

[i]

Waking up 40 minutes after my alarm clock goes off. I was super tired.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Fiberful Peanut Butter and Chocolate Granola Bar. Egg Drop Soup.

At some point around 6 p.m. it begins to rain and along with that comes an ever-cascading number of orders for delivery. I just go. I drive. I grab as many bags as I can and fit them in the passenger seat floorboard. The humidity outside is high so I have to keep the defroster/air condition constantly on. After getting a new alternator installed yesterday I was told by my mechanic the problem of my car not starting would be solved. But amidst all the chaos I go to start it and to my dismay...nothing. I jump start it with Ming's car praying it doesn't happen again.

About 80% of the orders I deliver are late and I have to soft talk the disappointed customers with excuses about the rain, the lack of drivers, and blah blah blah.

Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups. Apple.

Delivering to Saw Grass. A guy answers the door, "So what took so long?"

Me: "Oh. Um...I'm sorry. Yeah we're very busy tonight."

All of a sudden a guy gets up off the couch and interrupts, "How many drivers do you have tonight?"

Me: "Well, just me and the cook. One of the drivers called out sick. So two."

Guy: "Yeah I'm a pizza delivery guy."

Me: "Oh well then you understand."

Guy: "Yeah but its Chinese food. It shouldn't take that long!"

In my mind I'm scoffing as loud as I can, Huh? What kind of argument is that? Is Chinese food expected to be delivered faster than pizza? Whatever I have nothing to say about it because the guy tips me $7. So moving on to the next one...

Finally that moment has come: the end of the night. It seems I've made $111 in tips. While signing in my notebook for the wage money I notice the date is November 1^st (11/1). Here come the elevens again. I used to see them all the time. I had a severe case of apophenia. I pull up into the parking lot of my neighborhood and realize the time is 11:11 p.m. No way. That's three instances.

Fried Tofu with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Watching Pain & Gain (2013).

Cleaning up some stuff downstairs.

Sleep at 4 a.m.

---

[i] Chalermphol Harnchakkham.

Thursday October 31 2013

[i]

Waking up next to Ana. The click-clack sound from her texting sounds like popcorn popping in the room over.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Vanilla Almond Milk.

Anthony left a big box of books downstairs free for the taking. Ana and I go through them and find any interesting ones.

Ana drives us around Hilltop to run a few errands: browsing the thrift store for any costume ideas and getting groceries at Trader Joe's.

Toasted Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Baked Lentil Chips. Orange Juice.

Riding my bike to the 17^th Street shop to pick up my car – had to get a new alternator. The trick-or-treaters are out and about with colored sword lights and bags full of candy.

Back home. Anthony and Kelley are in the process of moving and cleaning out their room. Anthony will be hopping on the China bus tonight headed for New York City, for good he says. He's off to plant new roots in a new city. I help him organize and pile the library of books into boxes and crates. He spent the last eight years collecting these from the thrift store when he worked there and now we're donating them back. But sometimes it feels good to give up the burden of material things. It's strange. I feel like we lost touch with our friendship. I don’t remember the last time we "juggled question marks" and dug deep into our brains. But I'll definitely visit him in New York. And things will be different.  

...

He entrusts me to keep a few boxes full of his physical most concrete writings along with three jars of the last three year's summer rain.

Tilapia with Brown Rice and a Spinach Salad.

I adorn myself in an old dress/night gown I used to wear in The Vaginasaurs and grab a green wig from the storage unit. Driving out to Norfolk. At The Taphouse there's a Halloween rock show. It's at capacity loaded with costume wearers. If you're not obviously wearing a costume you stand out like a sore thumb. Ana looks beautiful in her Morticia Addams dress with an extra length in the back that drags on the floor – her long flowing black hair adds to the resemblance. Someone comments how she looks so natural in it that when they made The Addams Family they tried to make Morticia look like her. I buy Ken and I Nude Beach Drafts. An instrumental math rock band with two drummers performs on stage to the backdrop of a double projection screen playing an old puppet show and Power Rangers episodes. Feeling loose from the bubbly beer. Outside on the patio everyone gathers at the cement tables conversing and smoking.

Afterwards, Ken, Will, Ana, and I make attempts to find a place to eat that's open. Donut Dinette? Closed. Mama Joe's? Closed. Chanello's? Closed. I pick up a DiGiorno from Harris Teeter and we meet back at the house. Sharing salads and slices around the wobbly card table. Ken mentions how this little scene reminds him of a lost David Lynch film. 

Upstairs, Ana and I settle in the bed. I'm disappointed she took her dress off without letting me do the honors. But the sexual energy is inevitable. We tumble in the bed – pumping and humping to our heart's content.

...

Me: "That was really good. "

Her: "It's always good."

---

[i] All images by me.

Wednesday October 30 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

In the dining room of 1435. Everyone is gathered around the big sturdy wooden table. Kevin, in his typical rambunctious attitude, manages to break the table causing it to topple over everyone. It doesn't seem to cause any serious injury but Ana could've been hurt real bad if things had gone a different way. Ana, Kevin, and I migrate outside. I scold him,  "I don't even care about the table so much but dude..."

He suddenly realizes how much of a danger it was to Ana, "I know! I know!" and then begins to apologize over the top.

As I push him aside I interject, "I don't even care, Kevin. Just...just go away." I keep pushing him towards the front door and shove him inside. "Really, dude, just go away!"

After tending to Ana for a few minutes I march inside the house where everyone is laughing off the incident and having a good time. I walk right up to Kevin who is sitting by the piano with his clowny face. I point my finger at him and say, "You are the source of all the trouble in my life. Besides relationship issues you're the reason for all my trouble."

The whole room is quiet. I know they'll be cracking jokes about what I said later. I start to leave but change my mind a little as I feel I reacted a little brashly, "Actually, that's not necessarily entirely true. Cause you're my friend, too." I don't even know what to say anymore. I just leave.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 11 a.m.

Blueberry Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese. Orange Juice. Vitamin C (500 mg).

All day shift at China Wok.

Toasted Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Trail Mix. Honey Green Tea.

It's slow for business.

My car won't start a few times during my deliveries. Thank God for good Samaritans.

Pumpkin Streusel Muffin.

After 8 o'clock it slows down dramatically. Cecily and the girls are eating dinner at another table. Eggs, tomatoes, and rice are prepared. I watch Cecily spoon-feed Eileen somewhat forcefully. She has an on-going eating problem where it takes hours for her to eat one meal. Her parents think that pushing food into her mouth is going to somehow train her to enjoy eating. It's only inevitable that she will throw it up soon after, which is exactly what she does. She was left alone. I catch her sitting with her hands cupped over her mouth, which is gushing out an egg-tomato-rice mush – her eyes wide open with embarrassment. I have nothing but pity. Her sister cries out to the family in the back. Ming, the uncle and other cook, just laughs. Cecily, the mom, comes running with scolding remarks. Janice, her one-year-younger sister, sits down next to me while Eileen cleans herself in the bathroom. She explains to me in her limited English that Eileen has three problems, not doing homework (bad grades), not eating properly, and her style of walk apparently is baby-like. I just don't get it. I just don't. I try to explain to Janice that patience is important and that she needs special help and understanding.

Later on, Elliott and Ana show up after 9. No more deliveries. I share Vegetable Moo Shu with them.

Off work. Ana helps me drop my car off at the shop overnight and then we head to Tapped across the street from the house for Pinball Locomotive's final show before Anthony moves to New York. As expected it's like a little reunion: Kofi's here from NY, our old nanny/roommate is here, Tristan's here from Europe, etc. Besides the lack of dancing and audience participation it's a great Pinball performance. Richie stands like a statue with a strange shifty smile on his face plucking the guitar; some of us wonder if he's even conscious. Kevin's doing his best rock violin and hollering as needed. Rusty wanders valiantly on the bass. Chris keeps the rhythm steady. And Anthony leads the band on charismatically with melodic poetry. They've always kept catharsis as the main ingredient to their sound. Slightly out of tune instruments and traveling notes only feed the rock n roll train. There's a certain amount of sloppiness that comes across as genuine. At the heart of Pinball Locomotive is heart. Meanwhile the Red Sox just won the World Series on the television.

Before the last song Anthony gives a brief speech about finding magic inside of you, "There's a magic. And when it goes you gotta be that magic."

Afterwards, most of us reconvene at Rick's Café. I have a cup (or rather multiple cups) of Coffee and a Biscuit. A big group of people already has possession of the combining tables so we have to revert to sharing booths next to one another for our group of nine. Someone sets a ten-minute timer for a game of musical booths.

James: "So I was watching a Tom & Jerry the other day..."

Tristan interrupts, "What? Did you notice a plot hole?"

It's clever conversations such as this that fuel our meeting at Rick's.

Back home.

Settling in with Ana.

---

[i] All  images by me.

Tuesday October 29 2013

[i]

Waking up at 1:27 p.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Vanilla Almond Milk.

Breaking Bad.

Research.

Egg Sandwich with Mayonnaise and Tomato. Pretzel Thins with Hummus. Honey Green Tea.

At the Rec Center for basketball. My thumb is still recovering from injury but it's not as bad as last Tuesday so I give it a whirl on the courts. It impedes with my game play and ball handling skills but I still hustle and do my best. Some embarrassing moments and some redeeming moments.

Back at the house. Doing chores.

Apple.

Somebody left some kind of French Onion Soup and Brown Rice on the stove. I help myself to a serving along with Mushrooms and Carrots.

Finishing the last episode of Breaking Bad. Wow. What a relief.

More chores. Cleaning up.

Papaya.

Watching a Clippers Vs Lakers game. I don't remember the last time I really watched an NBA basketball game.

Trying out a recipe for Pumpkin Streusel Muffins.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Breaking Bad. JThree Concepts.

Monday October 28 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Meeting up at a gas station with friends. Rachel and a girlfriend of hers roll up in a new ride, a sparkly purple 80's Chevy Caprice convertible. Inside the car it's similar to the inside of an inflated boat. Rachel asks for my help to put air in the tires. I slide it down this hill where the air machine is. I notice the back tires are so old the thread is ripped off. I don't even know how she drove it here. I spend a lot of time attempting to put air in these tires. There are little electronic gauges for each tire. 44 PSI is the recommended pressure. Everybody's waiting for me to finish. 

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 11 a.m.

Cinnamon Raisin Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese. Orange Juice. Vitamin C (500 mg).

All day shift at China Wok.

Banana. Pumpkin Seeds.

It's a slow and steady afternoon. Ling tries to talk with me about how easy it is to create a multi-billion dollar business in less than 10 years.

Toasted Peanut Butter Sandwich. Pretzel Thins. Honey Green Tea.

Delivering an order to The Schooner Inn over on 2^nd Street, the last hotel on the south end before you hit the Rudee Inlet. It's 6 o'clock, that magical part of the evening when the sun is almost finished setting creating a pleasant orange glow that makes everything look so distinct and unique. On the 6^th floor walking down the breezeway, I can feel the wind from the ocean blow across my face. I reach the room at the very end. I look down below at the fishermen waiting patiently over the shoal and some kid with a skateboard attempting a kick-flip on a curb. The customer opens the door. She's an African beauty dressed in mostly black with shiny, but modest, gold earrings. There's nothing exceptional about our interaction except for this smile she gives me, such a genuine smile, the kind of smile that makes you feel like a million bucks. I walk back to the elevator and, during the brief ride down, allow my imagination to create a story. I would go back into that room. There would be an understanding between each other...a shared sense of romance. An endearing and sexual scene would unravel in that hotel room, maybe just for an hour or the rest of the night. It's not even her that I was necessarily attracted to but it was the idea, the potential for an erotic encounter that attracted me. It was only a fleeting daydream, and I only entertain them for entertainment value as you would watching a TV show or something. 

Fiberful Peanut Butter Chocolate Granola Bar. Apple.

Delivering an order in Chanticleer. These three kids sitting in the back of a pickup truck ask me as I run to the car, "Hey, is your job fun?"

Without enough time to think of something funny to say I respond, "Oh, it's great!"

What I really wanted to say was, "Oh. Mad money and mad bitches!" Of course I would've meant that literally, the mad bitches part.

Around 9 p.m. Elliott shows up unannounced. He needs to print out some show flyers next door at the FedEx office. While he rides in the passenger seat on a few deliveries I recant some funny stories from the day and from the house.

Off work and back home.

Earlier Elliott gave me a chicken sandwich from Chic-fil-A. I asked Ling to cut it up into a dish: Chicken with Broccoli, Carrots, Onions, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Breaking Bad.

Skippy, Anthony, Josh, and Kevin are smoking out front. I carry the bike over to my car. They're giving me a hard time.

Josh: "Careful guys! He needs to focus cause he has to write about this in his blog later!"

While fiddling with the air pump Kevin pesters me with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other.

I mock, "And as usual Kevin's drinking a cigarette and smoking a beer!"

Realizing the switch up I made Kevin repeats questioningly, "Drinking a cigarette, Robert?"

He pops a squat in the driver's seat and puffs smoke into the windshield.

I ignore his behavior.

Realizing I'm not affected by it he gets out and says, "You're no fun, Robert."

Me: "I know you want a reaction. I'm just not gonna give it to you. Everyone wants a reaction and I'm not giving it to them!"

The guys go back inside and I take off into the cold night. Taking a detour through the Linlier neighborhood and eventually stopping at the basketball courts at Linkhorn Middle. I wanted to test out my recovering thumb to see if I could handle throwing a ball around.

Back home.

Sipping on a Yuengling.

Sleep 5 a.m.

---

[i] Image by me.

Sunday October 27 2013

[i]

Waking up at 11:20 a.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk and Brown Sugar.

All day shift at China Wok.

Sunny and chilly makes a pleasant day.

Banana. Pretzel Thins. Egg Drop Soup. Honey Green Tea.

It's steady for deliveries and the tips are more generous than yesterday by a long shot.

Ana shows up for a visit. She's wearing an all black outfit that looks really comfortable.

Me: "You look cute today."

She rides around with me on a few runs. We drive into Broad Bay Island, a five-mile island stretch of very expensive housing near Shore Drive. It's like a roller coaster ride coming down the steep hill entrance.

At one point, Ana and I witness a heated lecture given by Ling, my boss, to the other cook. His voice is raised high enough to interrupt my conversation. Ling gets so frustrated in the moment he starts shoving the guy into the prepping table. We both sense the awkwardness of the bad energy.

Fiberful Peanut Butter Chocolate Granola Bar. Apple.

After everything pipes down for deliveries I talk with Ling about how business has been slow inside the restaurant. In regards to earlier I ask, "Everything okay today?"

Impassioned he explains how thickheaded and slow the other cook can be sometimes. It infuriates him, just the same as Eileen (his daughter) infuriates him. I think he might even be afraid that this inferior behavior got passed down to her.

I get off work at a decent hour and leave with over $30 more than I made yesterday. Checks and balances.

Fried Shrimp with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Breaking Bad.

Milk Chocolate Hazelnut Bar.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Source unknown.