Tuesday January 22 2013

[i]

Waking up bright and early in the morning at 7:30 a.m. Gotta be at court for my warrant in debt against my former roommate. Darren tags along since he was a witness to the signing of the debt agreement contract.

Eating Strawberry Toaster Pastries on the way there with Orange Juice.

Waiting in the courtroom. The roommate doesn’t show and so is given a default judgment. Now I have an official judgment. And now I can file for a wage garnishment.

...

Discussing with Darren in the car ride back home about my options to obtain the debt. Unless I work out an agreement with the roommate, filing a wage garnishment means its still going to take six months to a year until I get the debt in full.

Darren: “Dude the world is fucked up!”

Back to sleep around 10:45 a.m.

☼ ○ ▬ ▬ ○ ☼

Getting up at 3 p.m.

Grilled Cheese with Tomato and Hummus. Lemon Water.

Filling out paperwork and researching.

 

Peaches, Bananas, Oranges, and Apples.

Organizing music.

Exercising.

Barbecue Garlic Salmon with Peppers, Onions, Tomatoes, Green Beans, and Quinoa.

I drive over to Leslie’s house off Little Neck. It’s been about a week since we hung out. Up in her room I listen to her recant story after story while I fidget with these hundred-year-old silver dollars and whatever nick-nacks she has lying around. She’s notorious for going on tangents. I make fun and try to keep her on track. I find myself empathizing with her emotionally and in return offering my own stories relevant to exes.

[ii]

Before I leave she hands me a small Ziploc bag of Sweet & Spicy Pecans for me to sample, as well as a small handwritten note card with the recipe on how to make them (she told me about this secret recipe before when I obtained all those pecans from North Carolina). As I’m walking to my car I notice how quiet of a night it is. As well it’s freezing outside. But the night’s silence is powerful. I take it in for a moment and then hop into the car. On the drive home I eat all the Pecans with a few swigs of Almond Milk.

Back home.

Chomping on Popcorn while chatting with Aysena on Skype.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Image by me.

[ii] HOWDY. Marker gift from Leslie.

Monday January 21 2013

[i]

12:22 p.m. waking up.

Instant Oatmeal with Blueberries and Milk. Coffee with Honey and Milk.

I grab Anthony and we go over to Josiah’s apartment to help move a couch, a record player, a futon, and a piano to the storage unit. A woman neighbor of his watches us. She’s wearing this awesome Def Leppard t-shirt.

...

Then we stop at Moe’s for guitar strings. In the car with Anthony we talk...

In regards to being single and learning to be emotionally independent he asks, “So how does it feel being your own best friend?”

I explain how for some reason this past month I’ve been having stronger sexual withdrawal than usual. But yeah being my own best friend is a good way to put it.

Back home.

Egg Sandwich with Mayonnaise and Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Finishing the Sniper movie.

Having printer problems. It keeps saying “incorrect printer cartridge” even though it’s a fairly new ink cartridge. After troubleshooting for at least an hour I give up. I’m using a remanufactured ink cartridge and that seems to be the only problem. So much for trying to save a few bucks by getting a generic product. Now I have to buy a new one and spend more money that originally intended.

Running a few miles at the clubhouse.

Mixed Fruit.

Rehearsing some songs with Anthony’s band – filling in on keys.

Beans, Peppers, Onions, Mushrooms, Carrots, Pineapple, and Rice.

Catching up on some writing.

Watching Red (2008).

Popcorn.

Sleep just before 3 a.m.

---

[i] Office Space Smash Printer Scene.

Sunday January 20 2013

[i]

Getting out of bed around 11 a.m.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Egg Sandwich with Mayonnaise and Tomato. Quinoa and Black Bean Tortilla Chips with Salsa and Avocado. Honey Green Tea. Banana.

The day drags a little but eventually the orders pick up at night.

During the evening down time I observe two parents treating their two boys to dinner in the restaurant. It’s apparent they just came from the kid’s basketball game. The dad gives them critical feedback and uses some of the soy sauce packets to describe plays. He’s very passionate about it. The boy listening is also passionate. 

Tofu with Broccoli, Snow Peas, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Back home.

Shooting the shit with Darren about that, that, and this.

Blackberry Pie and Milk.

Watching Sniper: Reloaded (2011).

Sleep 3-ish a.m.

---

[i] Chris Ashworth.

Saturday January 19 2013

[i]

Waking up around 11 a.m.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

It’s not so freezing out today.

Mesquite Almonds. Five Guys French Fries with Ketchup. Honey Green Tea.

Business is good.

Apple.

I’ve got an old school gospel hip-hop playlist jamming through the speakers. Thinking about a lot of deep shit while driving around the city on delivery autopilot.

Very Garlic-y Vegetable Lo Mein.

Off work and back home.

Watching The Thing (2011).

A bowl of Cheerios with Brown Sugar and Milk.

Sleep 3 a.m.

---

[i] James Paick.

Friday January 18 2013

[i]

Waking up at 11:09 a.m.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok. I don’t usually work on Fridays but Darren asked me to cover for him so he could spend the day fixing his car.

It’s uncomfortably cold out but the sun is blazing enough to create oven-like warmth inside my car.

Peanut Butter Sandwich. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

The deliveries move slowly.

Oranges.

Researching things and playing poker on my phone during the down time.

The older I get the more aware I become of the intricate transparency in other people – how easy it is to read people, to understand their behavior. While driving around I find myself focusing in on certain persons in my life, looking past my apparent fondness or lack of fondness in them, and seeing who they really are.

...

Along with that observation I’ve been noticing the sexual urges have been more prevalent lately. Not having a girlfriend or lover at hand is teaching my body great discipline. But really I just feel like an unsatisfied baby. 

Mesquite Almonds.

Elliott and Wesley accompany me on my last delivery for the night.

I explain, “I’m not a bad delivery guy. I’m a nice guy. You be nice to me. I’ll be nice to you in return.”

Back home. Unwinding. Chowing down on dinner: Egg, Broccoli, Snow Peas, and Rice in Brown Sauce.

Watching The Queen of Versailles (2012).

Researching.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Vince Contarino.

Thursday January 17 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Congregating inside a small convenient shop with Anthony, Kevin, Richie, and a few others. At one point people decide to start trashing the place, typical behavior of the LIVE crew. I choose to be a bystander and continue sitting on a stool during all the commotion. I don’t take part because I know the security cameras are watching. I follow the troupe outside and we jet it out of there. Later, I’m walking around in a big building where some kind of youth convention is taking place. It’s understood a gang of buff dudes who owned the convenient shop are after anyone involved in the destruction of the property. Or maybe they’re in the mafia. But either way they have no mercy and kill off all my friends. Even though I’m not guilty of anything, I’m still an accomplice. I run down corridors and hallways. I locate a fairly busy public restroom where Aaron Long is standing guard. He offers me a hideaway behind one of the stalls. I crouch down behind the toilet with my blue baby pillow. Grossed out by the urine droplets on the side of the toilet seat. A few of the mafia men search the bathroom. One of them partially recognizes my face. They barge into the stall and question me. I pretend to be drugged out and play everything off.

I talk slowly and casually, “Uhhh. I’m not who you’re looking for. My name’s Nick.”

I offer a handshake but the gesture is not well received. However they seem to believe my act and run off. I’m safe.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up around 1 p.m.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

Organizing.

Practicing some songs.

Grilled Cheese with Hummus and Tomato. Goldfish Crackers. Honey Green Tea.

Watching The Queen of Versailles (2012).

Rehearsing a little bit at the storage unit. Then to the gym for a two-mile run. Then to the house to scoop up Kevin with his violin.

Orange. Apple.

At Wing King, a sports bar and grill off the boulevard near Rosemont. Mike Gombas invited me to play a gig with him. I open. The whole gang is here: James, Kevin, Anthony, Kelley, Will, Sasha, Richie, and others. I attempt a few new melodies and covers. Anthony accompanies me with harmonica on the “All I Want is You” song and Kevin accompanies me with violin on the “Spinball Dopamotive” song. All around it’s a hearty full range set that I can be proud of but also see a little room for improvement.

...

Chowing down on Buffalo Shrimp with Celery, Fries, and a PBR tallboy.

...

Receiving a few compliments from barflies who liked my performance.

Man at the bar: “That was very good. I don’t listen to music or know a lot about it but I know when I like what I hear.”

...

I bring the little bit of leftovers from my dinner plate to the guys. Immediately everyone snatches what they can from the plate as if there was a famine and they hadn’t eaten for days.

Me: “Goodness! You guys are just a bunch of moochers.”

James: “You’re a moocher with no future!”

...

Mike and Chris Kendrick perform. I sit down at the table with Kevin, Will, Sasha, and a girlfriend of hers.

Will: “It’s a convoluted web of life.”

Back home.

Milk and Chocolate.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] City of Lies by Lian Tanner.

Wednesday January 16 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

A story of a father’s daughter that has an emotional instability caused from an inadequate relationship with her father. She lives in an expensive fancy house but chooses to hustle out on the corner attempting to hitch hike. I drive by her occasionally entertaining the idea of picking her up so I can listen to her story and help in any way I can. Somehow I’ve started a friendship with her father. He wants me to help find her across the field. We go in search. Marching through the thick grass. Then, a playground. I find her hiding inside the structure. She knows of me and there’s already an understood connection that’s half romantic and half altruistic. But she’s got a lot of inner turmoil that’s hard to crack. We both stay hidden.

I inform her, “Your father is looking for you.”

She replies, “I know.”

“In fact he’s right over there.” I point through the plastic window at an area where her dad is pacing in the distance and looking in the opposite direction. I try to encourage her to reach out to him but she seems reluctant.

Me: “It’s okay. You don’t have to go out there.”

I guess she starts feeling sympathetic for her father having to be stressed out about her so she decides to go to him, “I can’t leave him like this.” She runs toward her dad and reconnects in his arms. 

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up just before 1 p.m.

Skype chat with Aysena.

Egg Sandwich with Mayonnaise and Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Yesterday I got a letter from the producer of Judge Judy, the infamous court TV show, inviting me to take my small claims case on the show. I already have a court date set in Virginia Beach next week over my former roommate’s debt owed to me. But being on Judge Judy the case can be arbitrated and I can get my money in a timely manner. So I guess we’ll see about that later.

At the storage unit practicing songs for a gig tomorrow.

Spaghetti with Onions and Puscanetta Sauce. Salad. Garlic Parmesan Bread.

Watching Red Lights (2012).

Researching...

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201202/smiling-strangers

http://www.wikihow.com/Read-Body-Language

Sleep around 4 a.m.

---

[i] Esther Deer (Princess White Deer). 1927.

Tuesday January 15 2013

[i]

Waking up around 1 p.m.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

Today is get-stuff-done day.

Running errands.

Grilled Cheese with Tomato and Hummus. Black Bean Tortilla Chips with Avocado and Salsa.

Watching Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (2011).

Running a few miles on the treadmill at the gym.

Tuna Steak in a Salad with a Croissant.

Anthony asked me to play piano in his band, Pinball Locomotive. With Richie, Kevin, and Anthony rehearsing through songs in the living room.

Anthony: “It’s really nice to see a friend of mine doing what they do naturally.”

At the storage unit practicing some songs on guitar. Relearning The Cure’s “Close to Me” and Weezer’s “Susanne”.

Back home.

Sugar Cookies with Chocolate Frosting and Milk.

Finishing the movie.

Sleep 4:30 a.m.

---

[i] Screenshot from MI: Ghost Protocol.

Monday January 14 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Hanging from a scaffold, high up on a story at least above 100 floors. I’m not even sure I understand the mechanics of how this thing is keeping me from falling. It almost seems like I’m simply floating. Something bad is about to happen, something apocalyptic. A bomb goes off, or an explosion without flames. The building immediately falls apart. I feel my stomach push up in my throat and now I’m just falling, falling, falling. There’s a platform hovering underneath me that I manage to plant my feet down onto. As soon as it hits the ground below I hop up in hopes of softening my fall. It works because I’m still alive and without broken bones. I locate some of my buddies and we congregate at the top of another building where it’s understood is the only safe place. All of a sudden the building starts to swerve left and right. So we have to hold on tight and prevent ourselves from flying off the side. It’s terribly unnerving. Part of me knows I’m dreaming and I almost let go cause I know I’ll just wake up upon impact. But I don’t. I persevere through the swinging feeling and hang on with all my might.

▬ ○ ☼

Alarm goes off at 11:05 a.m.

Oranges and a Banana.

All day shift at China Wok.

Elliott drops in for a visit to eat his usual General Tso’s Chicken.

Not one single delivery order has come through and it’s been almost two hours. I delegate myself to put the fried noodles into individual baggies. I’ve found a certain satisfaction to these kinds of tedious tasks. I really enjoy it.

Egg Sandwich with Mayonnaise and Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Drizzly rainy night but still gratefully warm. The orders finally pick up around 5 o’clock.

Hot and Sour Soup with Fried Noodles and Broccoli.

Delivering an order on Wolfsnare. I notice a sign on the storm door that says, “Savannah, Let’s play monopoly. You got the ‘Go Straight To Your Room’ card. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.00. My inability to walk in your room is going to lead to child abuse. Please clean. < 3 Mom."

The mom answers the door.

Leslie accompanies me at The Wok during the last hour. I’m grateful to be hanging out with her again. Her mind is extremely active all the time with clever and nifty ideas.

Back home. She follows along. Hanging out in my bedroom allowing her to browse through my shoeboxes of old photos, ranging from my baby years and on through my high school years. All the pictures are organized into little green folder covers with the word memories printed in gold on the front.

Me: “I can’t believe you’re going through all my memories right now.”

...

She drives us to Harris Teeter as I was in need of milk. Pulling back into the neighborhood. She puts on this wispy folk-pop album by Blind Pilot. Parked at the end of our court. The song serenading. I observe her sink down into the driver seat and stretch her legs straight up, a funny position to relax in. I try to mimic this pose in the passenger seat. After laughing at ourselves I comment, “This is a pretty moment. Not just the music. I mean the song makes up for at least 75% of it though.”

...

I’m curious to see where this friendship goes. It’s been a slow and sporadic progression. Romantic associations only teeter on the tip of my thoughts but nothing substantial enough to identify with this. There’s still a lot of mystery to her but I see many great character traits and genuine not-so-fake perspectives.

Cheerios with Brown Sugar and Milk.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Kilian Eng.

Sunday January 13 2013

[i]

Waking up at 11:36 a.m.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Mom and Jimmy stop by for a last hurrah before they head off back to Florida. It’s terribly busy during this hour so I don’t have any time to sit down with them...just enough time to give my mom one last warm embrace.

Peanut Butter Croissant and English Muffin. Goldfish Crackers. Honey Green Tea.

I text my mom to tune into the 1920’s network on the radio cause I thought she’d like the old timey sounds. Entertaining the idea of learning and performing one of the songs we hear together.

This weather is shockingly nice. 70 degrees in January!

Eating up these Oranges my mom brought me from Florida.

It’s a great day for business too. I hardly have any free moments to sit down. Just keep moving. Keep driving. Keep knocking. Keep hustling.

Fried Shrimp with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Off work.

I meet up with James at Rick’s Café. It’s become a monthly (or bi-monthly) tradition to have these one-on-one late night meetings. We share a heavy childhood past and have been through the thick and thin together.

...

James comments on how long it’s been since he’s been to Rick’s, which we come to find out wasn’t really that long ago, maybe a week or two, but by his definition is too long.

Me: “It’s like when you have a girlfriend and you have sex on a regular basis. Going to Rick’s is like your sex. And if you don’t have Rick’s then you lose your confidence.”

James: “It’s the source of my power.”

...

A while ago Becca had told me she used the word nostalgic to describe who I was to a friend of hers.

James: “Heh-heh.”

Me: “Yeah and that’s what she used to describe me. I was thinking about that and I’m almost too nostalgic for my own good. It’s not that I hold onto things. It’s just—”

James: “You wanna savor it.”

Me: “Yeah! It’s about savoring. I want to savor everything.”

James: “She should’ve used the word savory to describe you.”

[Ha-ha-ha]

...

Helping identifying that timeframe when one is single and alone.

Me: “You’re in the dark ages. This is what we call the dark ages.”

We get distracted with the news on the TV about a poodle shaved in such a way that it frightened an old lady and she informed the police a lion was on the loose. After laughing that off for a bit...I lift my mug of decaffeinated Coffee (or brown water as our waitress humorously referred to it as) and invite James in a toast, “Here’s to the dark ages.” He raises his water glass in agreement.

[Clink]

Me: “We’ve been here before.”

...

Sharing our worries and concerns about our individual futures.

James: “It’s my fear of the next steps. Like, if I stay with GEICO the next steps are like, settling down, and then I’m a slave, and then I die.”

Me: “You’re just gonna be a speck!”

James: “Maybe I’m just having a pre-mid-life crisis or something.”

Me: “That’s a good way to put it. I feel like I’m having that too.”

...

At some point Leslie waltzes in with my pants. She had offered to mend them about two weeks ago and finally returned them. The real issue though, at least for me, was her disappearance, which she tends to do sometimes, like turn off her phone (or at least put it on silent and avoid it altogether), and tap out from everything. I hadn’t heard from her since then. She joins us at the table.

Me: “This is the first time I’ve seen you this year!”

...

Leslie: “I’ve decided that my life’s calling is to be a hermit crab realtor...cause those fuckers are always changing their homes and somebody’s gotta show them new shells.”

Me: “Wow.”

[Ha-ha]

Back home.

Ciabatta Bread and Chocolates.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Image source unknown.

Saturday January 12 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Running through a series of hallways and corridors as part of an obstacle course game. I lose my partner somewhere along the way and venture outside to peruse the streets. Cars parked on the curb. I select a nice looking sports car and hijack it. But I don’t turn on the ignition yet. I take a few minutes to enjoy the thrilling moment. Meanwhile the owner returns to his car to find me inside. I play it off like we knew each other and I was waiting for him this whole time. I guess he plays along too.

▬ ○ ☼

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

At the restaurant counter taking a lady’s order that, by the attire, I can tell works at a nearby office. She smiles big and compliments my Edgar Allan Poe t-shirt. She’s got a pleasant ora about her that’s really attractive.

Mom shows up. It’s her last day in Virginia Beach. She accompanies me on a delivery run. Peeling a Florida Orange for me while I drive. It’s nice to be spending so much frequent time with her. I hate that it has to be rare.

...

Jimmy comes to pick her up and they go off to have dinner with Jimmy’s brother.

Nuts. Five Guys French Fries with Ketchup. Honey Green Tea.

Work is steady and the tips are generally high. I can’t complain too much.

It’s an unusually foggy and misty night making it a blur.

Bosc Pear.

Off work and back home

Broccoli, Snow Peas, Egg, and Rice in Brown Sauce. Peroni Beer.

Fortune cookie says, “Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”

Mom and Jimmy hang out with me in my bedroom. Art just got off work and joins us. To the soundtrack of Jimmy past out snoring in my bed the rest of us talk about this and that.

Art brings up something that goes along with the long-distance relationship theme and the problems associated with it – connections can’t grow stronger and the more physical time apart the more disconnect there is.

Filling up on Oranges and finishing a movie.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Image by me.

Friday January 11 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Socializing and wading in the ocean – a few girls and guys congregating near the shoreline. I’m swept away by the current...being pulled away from the conversation...further and further away.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up around 12:30 p.m.

Oranges. Oranges. Oranges.

Mom and Jimmy come over.

Sharing lunch together. Grilled Cheese with Tomato and Edamame Hummus. Goldfish Crackers. Honey Green Tea.

Upstairs in my bedroom. I get Aysena connected on Skype and have her meet my mom for the first time. It’s a cute little conversation.

...

Jimmy’s sprawled out on the bed snoozing while I instruct mom how to use their new desktop computer – showing her all the kinks and tweaking. I should teach a beginner’s computer class as a job. For the most part though my mom already has a basic understanding of how to work Windows.

Jogging around the neighborhood in the cool misty night air.

Barbecue Salmon with Asparagus, Mushrooms, Onions, and Rice.

Mom and Jimmy stop by along with Jes, James, and this guy Kirk (this cowboy-looking kid who just recently got shot). We’re all one big happy family – sharing Oranges and Cookies. Darren, while opening a bottle of frozen champagne, accidently causes it to explode all over the kitchen.

...

It dwindles down to myself, James, and Darren. We get locked into Nintendo mode – trying out different games...R.B.I Baseball...Simon’s Quest. Darren and I engage in an intense match of Base Wars, a game where robots play baseball and battle each other over bases. He’s getting dramatically annoyed with the antics and feeling of defeat.

Darren: “This is why things in the 90’s were so frustrating because of games like this.”

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Base Wars Fight.

Thursday January 10 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

In a subway station. I’m in possession of multiple things that make it difficult to keep track of. Trains zoom by but never the one I’m waiting for. Josiah saunters off to find a restroom. Meanwhile our train pulls up. I can’t leave him behind. He returns just in time. We board the train and sit down in the corner of the front car.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 1 p.m.

Oranges. Instant Oatmeal with Blueberries. Orange Juice.

I drive over to Art Walker’s, Jimmy’s old workplace, and pick up my mom. First stop: City Lights, to get some special bulbs and ballasts for the DeKuyper sign. Then, to the Salvation Army thrift store to browse. I find this killer Virginia Beach picture.

 

Sharing Papaya.

A friend calls her on the phone.

Mom: “I’m happy as pie cause I’m with my son!”

...

We decide to visit my sister Dana’s grave at the Woodlawn Cemetery off Newtown. It’s been a few years since my mom’s been here. I remember coming here when I was younger – melancholy memories. The vase built into the gravestone is stuck inside. My mom wants to get purple flowers to place there so we get it fixed by one of the maintenance guys. I never connected it until now but I realize my affinity for the color purple is related to my sister. Her favorite color was purple and the significance is even greater as she was wearing her favorite purple L.A. Lakers jacket when she was found, as well as the skin of her body was completely purple. Maybe it’s my homage to her in a small way.

Back home. Mom makes fresh Guacamole to dip Quinoa Black Bean Chips in. I make some Eggs and warm up some Focaccia Bread. Sharing food at the table and digging into a deep discussion on some intense behind-the-scenes things that she’s been dealing with. Growing up you always think of your parents or guardians as living these sort of flawless lives, lives without any major complications. You just don’t think it as a kid. But now that I’m older, and whenever I sit down with my mom and confide in each other, you discover things are more fragile than you thought. Not everything is always all right. But one thing is for sure...my mom and I will always stick together...we will always lift each other up through the thick and the thin.

Going for a jog around the neighborhood.

James Graves cooks up a meal in the kitchen using whatever resources he can find. I partake. Chicken Sausage, Potatoes, Carrots, and Rice in a delicious Tomato Sauce. Sipping on a Peroni Beer.

...

After Anthony and his band finish practicing we had planned a Nintendo Revival. Someone donated a bin at Kelley’s thrift store with a complete Nintendo system and a nice collection of games. We’ve got a nice lively bunch hanging out in the living room as we play through games like Duck Hunt, Mario Bros., R.B.I. Baseball, etc. There’s an outburst of OHHHHH’s and AHHHHH’s. Somehow it turns into a Pillow Brawl.

Chocolate Chip Cookies and Milk.

Sleep 4:30 a.m.

---

[i] All images by me or mom.

Wednesday January 9 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

A blurry hazy array of scenarios – revisiting the past – time travel.

▬ ○ ☼

Getting out of bed around 1:30 p.m.

Hot Oat Bran with Cinnamon, Brown Sugar, Blueberries, and Milk. Orange Juice. Zinc (50 mg).

Chatting with Aysena on Skype. She’s been in Dubai for the past few days with her mother, whom I have found is just as shy as her. It’s always such a treat to see Ays. Even with all this time that has passed I still don’t fully understand the function of our relationship. In my head it’s not as simple as her being my girlfriend; it feels like something else. Whatever it is I know I enjoy seeing her charming and beautiful face.

Me: “You are a witch. You’ve cast a spell on this little boy.”

PB&J Bagel. Goldfish Crackers. Strawberry Kombucha Tea.

A mini field trip with Devon and Anthony – to Target (Devon uses her gift cards to buy the house toilet paper and paper towels) – then to the thrift store. Kelley and Elliott are on the clock. And Carmen’s here too. Trying on silly jackets and gathering a few dumb things to decorate the house with.

Compiling old letters/notes from high school.

Salad with Almonds and Spicy Peanut Sauce.

Basketball fun with Elliott, Anthony, Kelley, Darren, and Devon. It’s after hours of course when all we have is the glow of the streetlights.

...

My mom and Jimmy drove all the way from Florida to visit Virginia Beach for a few days. We meet up with them at Chicho’s for Pizza and Beer. Warm embraces from my mom. A beer pong tournament is going on. Elliott and I give it a whirl but lose quickly against Darren and Devon.

...

Afterwards, I bring mom and Jimmy back to the house. They came bearing gifts of fresh produce like papaya and bags of oranges straight from the heart of Florida.

I spend an hour setting up a new computer for them.

Sleep 4:30 a.m.

---

[i] Image by me.

Tuesday January 8 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Rubbing this cool oily substance all over the back and arms of a public speaker of some kind, maybe she’s an evangelist, while she’s preaching to a small crowd. My mom is here encouraging me to wear this strange oil but I insist I’m doing my job already by doing what I’m doing. At some point the evangelist and I embrace on stage in front of all the people. We’re smiling and connecting.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 12:21 p.m. I love palindromes.

Maple and Brown Sugar Instant Oatmeal with Blueberries. Coffee with a little Sugar and Milk.

Tweaking.

Grilled Cheese on a Bagel with Tomato and Edamame Hummus. Goldfish Crackers. Honey Oolong Tea.

Watching Taken 2 (2012).

Scanning old photos.

Working out at the gym.

Strawberry Kombucha Tea.

Watching a Vice documentary on K-Pop.

Potatoes, Carrots, Broccoli, Turkey, and Macaroni for dinner.

As I continue to scan photos into my computer I’m inspired to go on an adventure and sift through the closet that’s stacked to the brim with boxes – picking, digging, reminiscing, and traveling back in time to my younger years – old love letters, prayers, baby photos, basketball cards, comic books, Hot Wheels, and Valentines. I’m lost in this sea of nostalgia. Oh boy. The 90’s. It was my golden decade. Along with, I found a 90’s Gospel Hip Hop Youtube channel as my soundtrack to this trip down memory lane.

Becca calls me out of the blue. Chatting with her on the phone while I continue rummaging through my closet of memories.

Me: “It’s like a key to time travel. With all this stuff I can go back in time whenever I want.”

Popcorn and Strawberries.

Wow. It’s after 4 a.m. and I’m just now getting to sleep.

---

[i] Me and Moses (1998).

Monday January 7 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Helping a man cut the grass of his front yard with a trimmer – he hasn’t been keeping up with the maintenance. I don’t know why I’m helping him. It just felt right.

▬ ○ ☼

Alarm goes off at 11 a.m.

Strawberries for breakfast.

All day shift at China Wok.

It’s been two and a half hours and I’ve only taken one order. I’m just sitting here in this hardly-cushioned chair reading Adbusters magazine infiltrating my mind with doom and gloom of the planet’s future.

“When beliefs, aesthetic preferences and moral proclivities are all left to personal style, we have the hipster mentality, where nonchalant nihilism is cool. Indeed, the word ‘moral’ itself is a dirty word amongst anyone outside the realm of conservatism. But the cult of individualism transcends politics: we are all in the cult. We’ve all had its invisible lens pulled over our eyes such that we perceive the world through a warped and myopic tunnel vision. Aiming to find and remove this lens is as futile as trying to bite your own teeth – for it is built into us.”

Recalling the last order I took to Harper’s Square. 1288 Corsair. An adorable black girl who doesn’t really tip that great but I was tempted today to spring up my mild affections to her. Sometimes, in situations like this, I run through the conversation in my head, you know, on how it would sound.

[Just as she’s about to close the door I would stop her, “Oh. Wait.” She’d pull the door back and listen. “I’ve delivered to you a lot of times before. I just wanted to say...that...I think you’re pretty cute.” She’d smile and thank me. “Alright. See you later.”]

Egg. Five Guys French Fries with Ketchup. Honey Oolong Tea.

Kenneth drops by.

Me: “Whoa! I haven’t seen you in years. What’s going on?”

Coincidentally I have an order to deliver that’s addressed to 1625 Michigan Avenue, which is right next door to 1623 and also where his mother (and my landlord) used to live (God rest her soul). It’s funny that of all the times he could’ve popped in for a visit over the years he chose today. I chat with him for a little bit. He seems to still have the same agenda as far as collecting and gathering and growing, being his usual street urchin self.

Kenneth: “God bless brotha!”

Cinnamon Chip Scone.

This shift just drags on. I’m glued to the chair playing poker on my phone and reading. Cecily and Ling teach me some Chinese characters for items on the menu. I’m hoping to learn how to write up orders in Chinese eventually.

Hot and Sour Soup with Rice and Broccoli.

This day can easily go down in history as one of the slowest days I’ve ever worked. Only 15 orders and about 60% less than I usually make in tips.

Back home. Anthony, Kelley, and Kevin are enjoying the locally filmed classic Psycho Kickboxer (1997) downstairs. I join them for a little bit while I stretch and exercise.

Chocolate Chip Cookies with Milk.

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

---

[i] http://jucophoto.com/grid

Sunday January 6 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

I can’t tell if it’s Russia or if it’s just some place in North Carolina, but I’m here visiting Aysena for just one day. Somehow I had the opportunity but our time is short. Wherever this is it’s very far away from where I live. My dad commits to waiting until the next day to drive back so that her and I can see each other longer. Her mom is here too. I keep myself busy mingling casually with family members, not interacting very much with Ays. Even though she’s in the next room she sends me this really long and upsetting message to my phone complaining about how I’m not giving her enough attention and I’m wasting our time. I venture upstairs to the third floor. In a guest bedroom she’s there sprawled out on the bed. I feel happy that we can finally get privacy.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 11:36 a.m.

Oranges. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Peanut Butter English Muffin. Goldfish Crackers. Honey Oolong Tea.

The workday is steady.

Snacking on Strawberries.

Waiting at the stoplight on Laskin and Regency, a familiar face in the car next to mine. It’s one of our old delivery drivers, the Russki! He was funny.

Him: “I see you around all the time.”

“Still delivering huh?” I ask.

“Oh yeah.” He tilts his head to one side, smiles, and says, “At least we have jobs.”

The last hour is supremely dead. Enjoying an early dinner.

Fried Shrimp with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Dealing with the general ruckus downstairs involving Mike Fry, Richie Howard, and Kevin Moore. Tristan happens to be here. I point out amongst all the OO AA AA EEK! sounds, “Look at this, Tristan. It’s like monkeys in a cage.”

Cherry Pie and Milk.

Finishing Ghost Dog (2000).

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

---

[i] Ays Pls.

Saturday January 5 2013

[i]

Rising out of bed at 11:07 a.m.

Cinnamon Oatmeal with Brown Sugar, Strawberries, and Milk. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Screw in my driver’s side tire. Luckily I’m prepared for a flat with a spare and the right tools to fix it.

The day kind of drags.

Egg. Five Guys French Fries with Ketchup. Honey Oolong Tea.

Snapping the peas.

Cinnamon Chip Scone.

The orders aren’t in big numbers today but the individual tips are generous enough to balance everything out.

Darren arrives to help out with the dinner rush. For a while we sit down at the plastic marbled table and get into a deep discussion on the future – the possible departing of ways between all members of the house when our lease ends in May. Some are considering moving to Arizona or Florida. But it’s all just wishes and talk. I’ve entertained the idea of living in Russia for a month or two after May. But we’ll see.

Vegetable Lo Mein.

Off work and back home.

Watching Ghost Dog (2000).

Chocolate Chip Cookies and Milk.

“There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. But doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you still get the same soaking. This understanding extends to everything.”

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

---

[i] Ghost Dog poster.

Friday January 4 2013

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

On tour in an exotic landscape. It feels like we’re at the bottom of South America. It’s such a beautiful sight, the mountainous terrain and rocky beach. Down by the water is a horse stable. Inside I catch eyes with a mysterious red buffalo. We stare for a long time. Then he’s taken somewhere. I try to maintain eye contact as he’s escorted off.

▬ ○ ☼

Getting out of bed at 12:37 p.m.

Strawberries. Orange Juice. Banana.

Meeting with Carl Capo at his house to discuss working together in music lessons as he teaches guitar and I can teach piano. I used to teach a few years back and have decided to spark up some part-time income with it again. Carl has a decent music room there so in exchange for using the space I would help market and bring in students. We sit around and mostly talk about car troubles and movies for a good while.

Dropping off our old dryer to the salvage yard for scrap metal. They give me $8 for it. Come to find out they even accept aluminum. I’ll probably start collecting the aluminum cans we accumulate at the house and bring it here.

Back home.

English Muffin with Peanut Butter. Goldfish Crackers. Honey Oolong Tea.

Skype chat with Aysena – a much brighter and happier conversation. None of her roommates are there so we have the opportunity to engage in a more private conversation. I can’t stop smiling at her – she has this warm hypnotizing effect on my senses – I just watch her. We laugh and talk about my plans to come there in April. Her mother will be visiting her soon and bring her along to Dubai for a vacation. It’s funny because my mom will be visiting me here around the same time.

Before we end the cyber meeting she tells me, “I’m kissing you everywhere...every...every centimeter you have.”

I giggle and inform her, “I have a thousand centimeters.”

“Oh then a thousand times,” she says.

Running on the treadmill at the clubhouse for a few miles.

Black Beans with Mixed Vegetables and Rice.

Picking up an armoire from Maxwell – he’s giving it away.

Practicing with Stephanie at the storage unit – reviving Vaginasaurs songs – it’s been quite a long time since we’ve played these tunes.

Pumpkin Pie. Milk.

Clearing out a cluttered space in my bedroom and replacing it with this newly acquired armoire. There’s a slew of Kevin’s friends downstairs drinking and playing beer pong. Tristan stands guard by my door offering company and conversation while I rearrange all this stuff.

Popcorn. PBR.

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

---

[i] Red Buffalo. Jeffrey Brian Fisher.

Thursday January 3 2013

[i]

Waking up just before 1 p.m.

Cinnamon Oatmeal with Bananas, Raisins, Brown Sugar, and Milk. Orange Juice.

Continuing to re-watch Cloud Atlas (2012).

“I understand now, that boundaries between noise and sound are conventions. All boundaries are conventions, waiting to be transcended. One may transcend any convention, if only one can first conceive of doing so. Moments like this, I can feel your heart beating as clearly as I feel my own, and I know that separation is only an illusion. My life extends far beyond the limitations of me.” — Robert Frobisher (Cloud Atlas)

Picking up a new dryer from a guy off Rosemont. He’s got a garage full of various antiques like a Sinclair Dino gas pump and an old coke machine.

Egg on an English Muffin with Mayonnaise and Tomato. Goldfish Crackers.

While pulling the old dryer out from the laundry closet we discover a pile of discarded clothing and lint and, more importantly about $14 in coins and bills. We put this money towards the cost of the new dryer.

Coffee with a Blondie Brownie.

Staying in my room – researching – exercising – dancing.

At random I get a text from Margot requesting for some moving help at the end of the month. She’ll be out of her condo in Ocean Trace, a place I used to spend many nights at. Apparently she’s moving into a place with a bunch of boys she doesn’t know very well but says gets along with. I immediately feel threatened, but just a little. I don’t know why. It’s strange how even after so much time spent apart I still feel a sense of entitlement, like I have the right to an opinion on the way she lives her life. I think I’ll always hold onto a remnant of bittersweet emotions with her.  

While making dinner in the kitchen in conversation with Tristan, both cracking light humor.

Tristan: “One thing I know is where food is.”

...

Darren steps in briefly and comments about the food I’m making, “It smells like shit.”

Me: “Okay.”

Darren: “You smell like shit.”

Me: “Okay.”

He exits the kitchen. I turn to Tristan and, with sarcasm, remark, “Darren. He’s so encouraging.”

Tristan: “He needs kids.”

Me: “Oh God. No!”

Tristan: “Put him in one of those hyperbolic time chambers and pop em’ out, see em’ full grown, and see how that went.”

[Ha-ha-ha]

Spaghetti with Onions, Red Peppers, and Tomato Puttanesca Sauce. Salad. Two Frosted Sugar Cookies (that Tristan brought over).

I briefly join the group in Darren’s room for a few minutes to watch Pan’s Labyrinth (2006).

Anthony: “Hey Kevin, tell Robert what you just heard about earlier...about the economy.”

Me: “What’d you hear about the economy?”

Kevin: “The economy’s bad.”

Me: “What?! You should tell someone.”

Doing some chores. Sipping on a Hard Cider. Researching.

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

---

[i] Kilian Eng.

Wednesday January 2 2013

[i]

Waking up a little later than usual at 1:27 p.m.

Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.

Tickling the ivories downstairs while Anthony and Kevin partake in a salmon meal.

Re-watching Cloud Atlas (2012).

“And I confess women’s hearts like their desires remain a mystery to me.”

“Freedom. The fatuous jingle of our civilization. But only those deprived of it have the barest inkling of what it really is.”

Errands.

Grilled Cheese Bagel with Tomato and Edamame Hummus. Homemade Potato Chips. Honey Green Tea.

General roommate camaraderie.

Kevin takes his shirt off and I notice his little patch of chest hair near the sternum almost resembles the bat symbol. It inspires him and he attempts to shave it into submission.

Feeling restless and as a vegetable. I head to the clubhouse and run over two miles on the treadmill. My body feels revived. Motivation to do things has kicked in.

Grilled Salmon with a hefty Salad and Parmesan Bread.

Elliott pops in at random and invites me to Pinboys for some bowling with Taylor and Michelle. But unfortunately there’s only time for one game. Then I invite them all back to my place. I feed Elliott a grilled cheese with some fried potatoes, what he would’ve gotten if we had gone to Rick’s. We invest in a few entertaining games of Sequence.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] All images by me.

Tuesday January 1 2013

[i]

Waking up from a figurative 2012 headache. Good afternoon, 2013.

Cinnamon Oatmeal with Brown Sugar, Raisins, and Milk. Coffee with Brown Sugar and Milk.

Skype with Aysena. She’s in Ukraine seeing some friends for New Years. The conversation starts out innocently enough and happy enough but somehow turns sour and stale after too much silence. For some reason she understands silence to be something negative and insulting. The fact is that sometimes you hit a certain point in conversation and there’s nothing else to talk about. I just have a different understanding of communication I suppose. I don’t know.

I get called into China Wok at 5 p.m. Working three hours – making decent side money. Feeling a sense of revitalization on this shift, everything efficient, everything working in my favor.

Black Beans with Onions, Bok Choy, Mushrooms, Carrots, and Rice.

Watching Cloud Atlas (2012).

Tweaking things – arts and crafts. While rummaging through some stacks of papers on the desk I come across an old makeshift script Phil wrote up based on Margot and I’s antics back in the 1623 days. It wasn’t an actual transcription or anything but rather a funny satire. On the back of the first page I find a few sentences unrelated to the script, probably something he was brainstorming with. It reads, “The shore is a dreadful place. I like to stay at sea. I like to stay in motion. Keep me on the surface.” This might’ve been a caption for one of his marker drawings that he used to make. Either way it stirs up my thoughts and I begin to reflect on where I am in life. I feel like I’m stuck on a shore of some island. Sometimes I long to be out there (at sea, in motion). I even trick myself into thinking I’m already “in motion” when really I’m just moving around in a constricted space. At my age I’m coming to a crossroads where I must determine to be on shore or at sea. What will I choose? Or will I go back and forth?

With a sudden burst of inspiration I take to the piano and trill out a fresh melody.

Chocolate Chip Cookies with Milk.

Finishing Cloud Atlas (2012).

Sleep 4:30 a.m.

---

[i] Cloud Atlas (2012).