DREAM: ☼ The Fall ☼ In a gymnasium—a lot of people gathered for some small time event. I start hammering this pile of snow and ice on the floor. All of a sudden a friend and I are riding this pile of snow and ice down a narrow iced track from the top of the gym (like a bobsled). We’re going at an incredible speed and it’s getting progressively faster the further down we go. Coming around a corner the iced track cuts off in mid air. In a flash I grab hold of a pole and we swing down to the floor—snow and ice splatter all over the place. My friend swoops across to the other side and I lay down baffled by what just happened. Talking with one of the chaperones or persons putting on the event, “I don’t understand how I survived that fall!” None of it made sense to me. It’s like I was trying to understand the science of the dream’s antics with my waking life’s mind. Now I’m sitting down on the floor at the bottom of the bleachers—everyone sitting behind me. A movie is being projected on the white wall of the gym. Mab is to the left of me. She lays her head on my shoulder in an affectionate manner but also in a brother/sister like fashion. Later on, I notice Margot plop down to the left of me with a disgruntled face.
Just after 6 p.m. I wake up.
Breakfast: Toasted English Muffin with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E.
Selling my old soft guitar case to a lady and her son. I say to the 12-year-old boy, “That case has done good to me. I hope it does the same for you.”
She calls me. We talk for 1 hour and 40 minutes and 9 seconds.
We both make it clear to each other that the relationship is inadequate. She even brings up an astrology comparison. According to it, we can choose to be with each other and it could work but it will be difficult—we actually don’t match.
I have the small plastic Hello Kitty container in my hand, the one she gave to me for Easter. Opening it up and smelling the residue of chocolate. “You’re everywhere, Margot! You’re in my head. You’re in my hand.”
For the last 30 minutes, she’s forcing me to make a decision about us. I refuse to answer. I’m afraid. “Fine! I’m calling you when I get out of Harry Potter.”
Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.
Watching Felon [2008]. I was expecting another gritty drama prison movie but I was surprised to find the best gritty drama prison movie I’ve ever seen. Despite the violence and extremely hostile situations it touched an emotional heartstring for me in a way that was strangely relevant.
“When your life is defined by a single action you change the concept of time.”
Stretching. Crunches.
Going for a run—listening to new tunes.
Downloading music.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs1bG6BIYlo
Dinner: Macaroni with Vegetable Soup, Kidney Beans, and Mixed Vegetables. Pita and Hummus.
Margot sits down in my computer chair and pretends to be me typing…
“I am in a place that’s dark and cold. But then I flap my arms and fly away and land on a beachy rock. Beachy is a word. Beachy rock is a place.
DREAM.
THAT WAS MY DAYDREAM. SO MUCH BETTER CAUSE MARGOT MADE IT UP IN MY HEAD. SHE’S SO AWESOME. I LIKE HER A LOT. A LOT. A LOT. IM NOT DONE POOPY HEAD. NOT ENOUGH, NEVER ENOUGH.
GOODBYE NIGHT.”
Eating a bowl of Cherrios with Sugar.
Practicing songs at the storage unit.
Watching Brooklyn’s Finest [2009].
Sleep 9 a.m.
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