Wednesday February 5 2014

[i]

Waking up at noon with a lot on my mind.

A big bowl of Cinnamon Raisin Oatmeal with Brown Sugar and Almond Milk. Orange Juice.

Business.

Errands. I run into Darren at Whole Foods. He seems happy and preoccupied with life as opposed to the last time I interacted him. He claims he's been sober for a whole week now via his mom's discipline.

Cranberry Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese. Potato Chips with Hummus. Banana. Honey Black Tea.

Watching The Master (2012).

Working out at The Escape.

I get called into China Wok for an hour and a half cause Ling got really sick.

At the Rec Center playing a few pick-up games. I haven't been feeling very impressionable in basketball lately. It's kind of discouraging. Having a good time and getting a cardio workout is a big reason why I play. But I feel if I truly want to improve I'm gonna have to spend time drilling myself and practicing (not just shooting around).

Back at the house – cleaning up and preparing dinner for Ana and I. We haven't seen each other since Friday, which is a long time. It's a great joy when she walks in the door. We enjoy Pad Thai Noodles and a Salad. Josh brought home three very big bottles of Merlot. He joins us at the table. Sophie is curled up adoringly in my lap the whole time.

In the bedroom Ana and I rehearse our rendition of "You Are My Sunshine". I thoroughly enjoy singing alongside someone – doing a duet – especially with Ana. We can both appreciate the beauty of music.

The topic of Johnny Cash comes up and I recommend we watch Walk the Line (2005) since she's never seen it before. Popcorn and a Persimmons for a late night snack. It's the extended version so we only get through half of it before sleepiness takes over.

---

[i] Image by Ana.

Tuesday February 4 2014

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

There's a heated argument between two lovers. I'm caught in the middle of it. This could be a part of a play or a scene in a movie. I can't tell the difference. That's how good the acting is. I leave the room and go inside a massive store with many aisles and many people. I search endlessly for something edible, something to sustain my hunger. Everything I find just doesn't cut it; all these popular brand name processed foods just don't appeal to me. I get on my bicycle and ride around the store trying to find the exit. I keep dodging everybody. At some point I stand up on the pedals and all of a sudden I'm as tall as the ceiling, too high for comfort. I'm afraid of toppling over and hurting myself but I maintain my balance. Eventually, I make it outside safely and continue on my way.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up regretfully too late at 1:22 p.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Triple Berry Granola and Almond Milk.

Researching and business.

Coffee.

Errands.

Egg Sandwich with Tomato and Mayo. Popped Potato Chips. Orange Juice.

Working out at the Rec Center then adult basketball.

[ii]

Apple.

In the dining room Leisa and Josh are trying to sing Wilco together while I cook dinner.

Sesame Ginger Seared Tuna Steak with Kale, Carrots, and Perogies.

Watching The Master (2012).

Coffee and Milk Chocolate.

Josh, Kevin, Leisa, Jessica, and Sophie are hanging out in the living room. I stop on my way downstairs and join in the conversation. At first they were talking about Hitler and then the Assad Regime. Now Kevin is asking me silly questions about my experience in Russia. Josh is drinking a brand of red wine with his name on the bottle; literally the brand is called "Josh". How appropriate. 

Recently, the house received a letter from Jessa Potter. She's been serving time in jail ever since she set fire to a bunch of Salvation Army donation trucks. It's caused quite a stir on Facebook after I posted it. It seems the extreme nature of Jessa either fascinates people or repulses people and, in some cases, terrifies people.

To: Sir James Robert Smith & Co.

From: Potter #1830529 (NFK City Jail)

1-29-14 (Original letter written in cursive)

Mr. Warhol (&Co.),

            I figured it to be well past time to dispatch my most sincere appy polly loggies to you & your, shall we say, Superstars, for any & all damages incurred whilst yours truly was in the House of 1435. They are as follows: "crass" spray paint on the fence(s), subsequent damage from my attempt to erase said paint, ignition of paper lanterns & henceforth the fence they were attached to (whoops), release of several hundred crickets into Kevin Moore's bed, and lastly, the bloodstains on the downstairs bathroom wall (innocent play with Jordan). I could easily imagine being barred indefinitely from the premises.

            HOWEVER!, I maintain that I DID NOT have anything to do with the flooding of the bathroom that occurred on 12/12/12 NOR did I steal anyone's camera (though my own camera was, indeed stolen that night). I hold fast to the belief that whoever DID flood the bathroom did so knowing I'd be blamed for it (@StephHauge). I will admit to attempting to short-circuit the power to the entire block using the Mylar balloons I brought just for the occasion (Google it). Alas, it didn't work.

            Perhaps you could make my apologies public in that way you do. Oh, and I don't know if Calum McPherson ever comes around, but please let him know I'm still sorry he was driven around at knife-point by my ex-boyfriend under the pretense of "going to the beach".

            On a lighter note, I've gotten the scoop on good ol' Kenneth. He's cooking meth, still wearing that headlamp & is currently working on digging holes the size of golf balls out of his flesh, in search of the parasite which he believes infests him. He puts said flesh in a jar, where he says "you can see their eyes glow orange at night". Yes, it's a small world in here.

            No need to write back. I'll be transferring to another facility by March.

                                                                        With appreciation for you & your kind,

                                                                                                Jessa Skye Potter

P.S. I'll be back by 2016..hide the children.

"What a gal," Josh says.

Fiddling on the guitar before I fall asleep at 5 a.m.

---

[i] Image of tall biker rider. 
[ii] Image by me.

Monday February 3 2014

[i]

Waking up at 10:50 a.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

It's a bit rainy.

Mixed Nuts with Raisins and Dried Cranberries. Honey Black Tea.

It's steady for a Monday. Just trying to get through another insipid day.

Spinach Salad with Carrots and Tomatoes.

Everything Pretzel Thins.

Apple.

Off work and back home.

Hunan Chicken with Vegetable Fried Rice.

Watching Ender's Game (2013).

Chatting with Ana on Facebook, something we don't usually do. It feels like months since I've seen her even though in reality it's only been a few days. But considering that almost 90% of last week she was by my side it makes sense how distant it feels. She called the snowed-in days, "Weekday Serene Getaway in Smith's Sanctuary". That's exactly how I feel about my room; it is a sanctuary for me.

Grapes.

Sleep at 4 a.m.

---

[i] Mario Sorrenti.

Sunday February 2 2014

[i]

Waking up at 11 a.m.

Grapefruit. Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Mixed Nuts with Raisins and Dried Cranberries. Everything Pretzels. Honey Black Tea.

Receiving unusually large tips today. However it's not very busy at all. I thought the Super Bowl would bring business but it's kind of the opposite.

Icelandic Milk Chocolate.

Around 8:45 p.m. the restaurant hits a dead spot. The phone doesn't ring for the next hour. Ling and Ming aren't preoccupied prepping anything in the back. They're just on their phones playing games. I resort to an uncomfortable powernap then jump around outside with the basketball working on my ball handling skills.

Banana.

Home at last. Enjoying Broccoli, Onions, Eggs, and Rice with Soup.

Watching The Hunt (2012).

Grapes.

Philip Seymour Hoffman died today at 46.

Even though the streets are still recovering from the snow slush the night air is pleasant enough for a bike ride. I take a short trip up and down Laskin. Stopping by the bagel dumpster and retrieving three half dozens.

...

When I arrive back home I find Richie sitting at the dining room table hiding behind the bouquet of white flowers. He's wearing mysterious shades and tips his glasses to peer at me with a glaring look. Soothing road trip-style tunes by Tame Impala and Andrew Bird playing on the stereo. While I put away the dishes he sips on a can of Budweiser and writes. 

Sleep at 3:30 a.m.

---

[i] Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Saturday February 1 2014

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Engaging in an inappropriate sexual relationship with an old romantic encounter from back in the day. It's understood that I'm still in a relationship with Ana so the whole thing is disconcerting. But I can't seem to control what's happening. The girl and I are in my old bedroom from childhood exploring different sex positions. Everything is so relieving for me. It's passionate and dirty. Later, I'm supposed to be Superman. I open up the lid of a dumpster in a back alley and discover a band of slaves trapped there. Their owner comes around the corner in a rage. Somehow they all have the ability to float and fly up out of there alongside me.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 11 a.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Banana.

Ana messages me on Facebook...

"robert

thank you for coming last night and singing with me and being patient with me whenever we practice

thank you for being so kind to me

thank you for sharing everything

thank you for still holding and kissing me even though i am sick or get a little grumpy"

Peanut Butter Sandwich. Popped Potato Chips. Honey Black Tea.

Elliott pops in for a visit. He just finished applying to volunteer at an animal shelter. He tags along on a few deliveries. In Chantilly, there's a group of lawn worker guys mingling around their trailer. Elliott tosses a snowball at one of them as we drive off. Immediately, one of them fights back and slams one on my rooftop. We laugh hysterically. It's so easy to have snowball fights with strangers. It's never really rude to throw a snowball cause everybody gets it.

The day drags on. It's fairly busy. Nasty weather all throughout – the rain falls consistently.

Mixed Nuts with Dried Cranberries and an Apple.

The last 30 minutes of my shift it's dead. Janice and Eileen are playing around the stacks of boxes in the corner. I assemble them in such a way that they can imagine as a box fort. They're having the time of their life.

Finally off work.

Fried Shrimp with Garlic Sauce, Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice.

James hit me up earlier and mentioned wanting to go to Rick's Café. It's been a while. I drive us there. Ordering a fresh cup of Decaf. Our waiter jots down James's Chicken meal.

He turns to me, "Were you having anything?"

Me: "No. I'm just having the decaf. I had dinner earlier. Gotta watch my calories."

James: "I watch them go right into my mouth."

Despite, I order a single Pancake to go with my Coffee.

...

Based on the blog he realizes that a year ago yesterday was his last day at GEICO. We're both amazed how much time has passed – that revolutionary decisions made so long ago would come back to haunt us a year later.

...

In the middle of our conversation a rowdy drunken bunch piles into a big table next to us. Most of them seem to be in their early 50's. One of the ladies comments about how distinguished I look.

"You got the bed-head smart look," somebody blurts out.

...

James delves into a recent girl experience he had, one that was kind of complicated and disheartening. It triggered some dark and introspective thoughts about his life. In response, I talk about my recent existential problems...

Me: "I feel like I'm just not there yet. I don't even know if there even exists. I don't know if there is a there to strive for. I feel like between Darren, you, me, and other people in my life – I feel like we're all having these similar dilemmas and we're lost. We don't know what to do. We don't want to settle. I just don't want you to give up."

...

James: "This is family. Blood is thicker than water."

On the short drive back to the house we spot Laron walking down Laskin with no jacket on.

James: "It's almost two in the morning. Why is Laron walking on the service road on Laskin?"

Kevin: "That's pretty weird."

James: "What the hell is he doing?"

Josh: "We have a Kenneth in training okay?!

James: "He's sleep walking right now. That's what it is."

Sleep at some late hour.

---

[i] LEGO Ansel Adams. Moon and Half Dome.

Friday January 31 2014

[i]

Waking up around 12:15 p.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

Errands.

Egg Sandwich with Tomato and Mayo. Black Bean Quinoa Flax Seed Tortilla Chips with Salsa and Hummus. Milk Chocolate.

Watching Man of Steel (2013).

At the Rec Center after it was closed for two days in a row. I haven't had the opportunity to play basketball in a long time it feels like. But today is my lucky day. After lifting weights in the fitness room I join in on some pickup games in the gym.

Fuji Apple.

Ana is waiting for me at home. She drives us to this art show at Zeke's off Norfolk Avenue, near the oceanfront. I've driven by this place many times but never been inside. Ana's friend Victoria works here. An artist named Igor has a collection of custom-made signs hung up around the room. I try a five-dollar cup of gourmet Coffee (Peru Blend), pricey but worth it. Stephanie and Leisa show up. I meet one of the owners, Nick, who is Victoria's boyfriend. I mention the idea of doing acoustic shows or Show N Tells here. He's enthused about the idea. We don't stay long, just enough to talk a little bit and enjoy the homey atmosphere.

...

On the drive back to the house I mention to Ana how I feel obligated to stay living in Virginia Beach in order to maintain the music and arts community. This was the whole reason for starting the Show N Tells at 1623 years ago. Local coffee shops like Zeke's are crucial for that reason too. 

...

I pull out the guitar to work out Ana and I's rendition of "You Are My Sunshine". She's still got a sickly cough; we think it might be whooping cough. Despite she's still able to sing with heart. The caffeine is running through my bloodstream and making me all jittery. At some point we have to stop. She leaves.

Spinach and Arugula Mix with Carrots, Dried Cranberries, and Balsamic Honey Dressing. Leftover Salmon and Rice.

Finishing the Superman movie.

Heavy research.

Sleep 4 a.m.

---

[i] Zeke's. Image taken by Nick Vitale.

Thursday January 30 2014

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

In a bedroom of some guesthouse. My mom is fidgeting with something. Stephanie keeps coming in and out of the room. I just want to take a nap in peace but I can't from all the distractions. I try to explain this to my mom.

"I can't function without sleep!"

But she doesn't hear me clearly.

"Sleep! I can't sleep!"

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up sporadically throughout the morning. Ana is very restless and still sickly – her head throbbing from all the coughing. I feel bad. I wish there was something I could do. It's cold outside of the blankets. But underneath I have my own personal heating machine – her body emanating such warmth. I feel I could lay here forever in an infinite comfort. But every now and then we have to separate from the sweat created on our legs.

Sharing Cinnamon Oatmeal with Strawberries, Brown Sugar, and Almond Milk. Scrambled Eggs. Orange Juice.

Ana and I pick up Stephanie from her new cottage off 34^th ½ Street and spend a few hours at The Escape. There's a violent geese gang roaming around the half frozen lake. In the fitness center they got the hot tub running on the patio so you can enjoy the feeling of being submerged in warm water all the while being surrounded by a cold snowy landscape. Today's workout is rejuvenating.

Reconvening at the house. I fix up a lunch for us: Kale and Carrot Salad with Mixed Nuts, Dried Cranberries; Black Bean Quinoa Flax Seed Tortilla Chips with Salsa and Hummus; and a slice of Josh's Pizza from Brother's.

Elliott scoops Ana, Josh, and I from the house. Then, scooping up Stephanie and checking out these snow hills in the woods off 73^rd Street. We brought boogie boards. I brought a Matrix-style trench coat made of leather that's so slick it doubles as a sled. There are others out here with the same idea as us. Holding onto the board for deer life – sliding down the steep slopes of sand and snow – falling on our asses – plowing into the brush. "Let's go tandem, Robert!" Elliott says. Tandem, meaning we go down together on one board. This creates a greater weight and also creates a faster speed. Deeper into the woods we locate another decent hill for sledding. Randomly we run into Amber, a good friend of Stephanie's—they each sound almost exactly like each other. It's so dark here in the woods we hardly recognize any faces. As Josh explains, "We were all random silhouettes throwing ourselves down the hill!"

Back at the house drying off and warming up. I take Elliott and Ana to Whole Foods to fill up my gallon water jugs. But we end up spending a good amount of time perusing through the aisles and admiring the variety of items.

Back home. Ana and I share the bathroom for showers and cleaning up.

Ana: "I wish people would appreciate the little things more."

This is her philosophy: appreciating all the little things – almost everything is aesthetically pleasing for her. I like this quality.

Downstairs, Josh, James, and Kevin are watching Seinfeld. Ana and I enjoy dinner on the couches with them.

Salmon with Baby Broccoli, Onions, Mushrooms, and Rice. Beer.

It feels good to have sex with her after a few weeks of none.

Sleep 3 a.m.

---

[i] All images by me.

Wednesday January 29 2014

[i]

Waking up to a harsh knock on the bedroom door. Ana answers. It's Kevin. He's sick as a dog and needs me to cover his shift today. I remember hearing somebody dry heaving in the bathroom earlier. I'm reluctant because I really wanted to have a fun snow day with Ana and friends. But I have to rise up to my duty.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Winter Storm Leon arrived in our sleep last night. The snow has fallen about 12 inches. I had to spend some extra time clearing off the tons of snow on my car.

Banana.

On the down time I walk over to Bangkok Garden where Ana, Josh, and Aj are having lunch. Ana saved me a big platter of Vegetable Pad Thai and Spring Rolls. Reflections over Darren's agro episode last night – I was the last one to listen to him.

The style of driving today is slow and steady – don't go over 35 mph – don't come to a complete stop at heavy patches of snow otherwise get stuck, rather plow through it – don't drive too close to neighbor cars – stay on well-tracked road. The delivery time is doubled because of these conditions. The sight of kids sliding down the steep hills with boogie boards makes me a little jealous.

Dark Chocolate Powerberries.

Delivering an order to Sandyville Court. I notice a marking in the snow. It says "Gay J" with an arrow pointing to the customer's apartment. A guy answers the door. Right away I ask, "Does a gay Jay live here?"

Immediately he laughs hysterically and tells his buddies what just happened including a roommate named Jay.

Guy: "That deserves ten dollars!"

And right there I receive a $10 tip.

A stick of overcooked Chicken Teriyaki.

Slogging through the white ice deep into the night. At a house off Credle Road. I notice icicles frozen straight over the imitation icicle Christmas lights hung above the customer's porch.

I comment to him, "Your icicle lights blend in with the real icicles."

"Ain't that some shit?" he responds.

Apple.

Finally home. I walk in and discover all the roommates in their own rooms/zones. Quiet. Supreme silence. It's strange. I guess the heavy snow created a hibernation effect on everyone. Even Darren in the living room isn't making any sounds or drinking or anything. My door is locked. I knock. Ana answers with a big warm smile on her face. She tells me it's been like this for the better part of the day. Even she stayed holed up my room reading, playing guitar, and doing yoga.

A cup of Vegetable and Rice Soup.

Settling down in the bed with Ana. She's coughing every 30 seconds so it's hard to sleep but eventually I incorporate this sound into my dreams.

---

[i] All images by me.

Tuesday January 28 2014

*

Waking up around 12:30 p.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk. Grapefruit.

Running and working out at the gym.

†

Running some errands. The snow flurries start to flutter down. Winter Storm Leon makes his grand entrance.

Double Egg Sandwich with Mayo and Tomato. Black Bean, Quinoa, Flax Seed Tortilla Chips with Salsa and Hummus. Honey Black Tea. Dark Chocolate Powerberries.

Driving around on the snowy roads in hopes the Rec Center would be open but to my dismay is not.

Back home. Darren and Aj are hanging out in the dining room. I fix up new decorations on the stairwell walls. A while back James painted some portraits of residents in the house on the back of pizza boxes. I align them on the wall like a dynasty.

†

Ana spent about 45 minutes driving carefully from Norfolk to the house. She's here but still with a light hacking cough – she naps as long as she can.

Downstairs, I fix up a Kale Salad with Edamame and Carrots for Ana and I. I snag a few small slices of Pizza on the counter. Meanwhile, Josh, Kevin, Aj, and Darren are heavy into a debate about something dealing with game theory (http://levine.sscnet.ucla.edu/general/whatis.htm). It gets supremely heated, mostly because Darren is yelling over top of Josh and not allowing any room for other opinions. This short-tempered conversation is the reason Ana and I migrate upstairs to enjoy our dinner in peace. I pick up the guitar and we attempt to work out "You Are My Sunshine" together. After switching the capo up a few frets we hear a rumble in the hallway. Darren has egged on Kevin to engage in a fight. This isn't no rasslin' match. It's serious. It's escalated to this point. BAM. THUD. POW. There's nothing I can do to intervene. Kevin is more pissed than I've ever seen. Darren claims he was just trying to prove a point. All of this has nothing to do with Kevin or Josh or anyone else but himself. Doors get slammed and relations find calm water.

†

I catch up with Darren downstairs. He stands there in the living room holding a glass with a tiny bit of vodka swaying left and right. He explains himself...and more than that he breaks down everything about everything – the judgments and the flaws in himself, in others, and in the system of society.

¦¦¦ Society has raised a bunch of boys who had their balls cut off! ¦¦¦

A man of principles. Principles are important. I understand that. But he's getting caught up in trivial matters, which represent grander problems I know, but also weaken the "MAN" that Darren so eloquently talks about. As he preaches charismatically I'm reminded of times when I was a kid sitting in the pews of a Pentecostal church listening to the evangelist or preacher yelling and hollering at me to strive for something better. I remember how convincing everything that they said would sound. I felt inspired. And I feel inspired now but it's an uncomfortable inspiration. Beyond the red watery alcoholic eyes I can see a man who is tired...tired of injustice, tired of all the inconsistencies and hardships he sees around him, but mostly he's just tired of feeling defeated. This is one of those times I regret not having my phone or digital recorder to document the delicate words coming out of his mouth. Any other time I would've found a way to grab my phone and hit record but I couldn't move from my spot. I was glued to the stairs behind the banister as he presented his evocative monologue. The banister – its black metal bars resembled a cage – and he was in a cage – of course he probably has the same perspective on me from his position – I was also in my own cage. And I was the only one listening now, I, the only one offering complete attention. If only I had a camera installed in my glasses you too could witness the tenacity of this performance – an Oscar-worthy display of emotion and sheer passion. I can only paraphrase the things he's saying.

¦¦¦ I wanna be a legend. I'd rather die before I become the villain. ¦¦¦

He gets real personal too and mentions how much respect he has for me and how he looks up to me and expects me to be a "man" and how I've let him down a few times, citing a few examples of how I handled situations in the house. I'm the mediating force to his rage and as his friend I accept this role. He says I'm one on a short list of people that he actually looks up to. But he doesn't fail to point out where I could improve. He goes on and on and on – getting deeper and deeper – bringing up family history, how he was raised, and stories that put why he is who he is into perspective.

...

After a good hour I try to conclude this talk with Darren iterating to him that he should be strong. There are a lot of hardships to be had out there but this life is about growing and developing past those. I reach in for a hug – we slap each other on the back. Be strong, dude. 

Returning upstairs to the bedroom. Ana's in the bed reading something on her laptop. I stay quiet and type out some notes. "That was a lot," I tell her. Sharing some Maple Leaf Cookies and hot Apple Cider Vinegar Tea.

Sleep at 4:30 a.m.

---

* Mestre Fungo. Henrique Lima.
† Images by me.

Monday January 27 2014

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

I suddenly have the ability to dunk the basketball. I'm totally surprised because even after working my legs out I didn't think I'd be able to dunk until later down the road. I jump up each time and give my legs an extra boost of energy to reach just high enough to the hoop. I share my excitement with the other players in the gym.

▬ ○ ☼

W a k i n g u p a t 11 a.m.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

The sun is out melting away all the snow piles – a beautiful day – 54 degrees – it's hard to grasp.

Mixed Nuts with Dried Cranberries. Black Bean, Quinoa, Flax Seed Tortilla Chips with Hummus. Honey Black Tea.

While driving down Oceana Blvd I notice a couple riding an old red Corvette (circa 80's). I snap a photo and realize later after looking at it how reminiscent it is to the old Sega Out Run racing game that was so popular back in the day. It's almost dead on, brown-haired male driver and blonde-haired female passenger.

As grateful as we all were for the sunshine and the moderately warm temperature, it's all gone in a flash after nightfall – the wind picks up dramatically and the threat of snow is in the air; they say by tomorrow afternoon we'll have the official second snow of the season.

Milk Chocolate Bar.

Just plowing through the deliveries left and right while listening to podcasts.

Apple.

At about 9 o'clock Ana shows up. She has zero tolerance for the cold and chooses to stay in the heated car while I wait in the restaurant for orders.

Off work and back home. Ana and I sit at the table with Darren and Devon (yeah, Devon is in town!). Sharing Vegetable Moo Shu and Soup while listening to Darren describe his first day on the job at Whole Foods; he's cynical about the system but then again he's cynical about the system as a whole.

I got another royalties check from a Tokyo song. Apparently it was used in a Japanese Nike commercial promoting the future Olympic Games for 2020...

So Stephanie has officially moved out of the house and has been replaced with a perky-hookah-smoking-down-to-earth girl named Jessica. She seems to be getting along with everybody – we all approve. I admire her pet leopard gecko.

Ana and I settle into the bed and talk about our sexual concerns and frustrations.

...

Ana: "I feel like lined journals are cages for my words."

...

Ana: "I learned my lesson."

Me: "Well I'm glad you learned your lesson before you got to me."

Sleep at 4 a.m.

---

[i] Real Life Vs Out Run. Image by me.

Sunday January 26 2014

[i]

Waking up at 11:05 a.m. Ana's snuggled up next to me, her legs across mine.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Banana.

A steady lunch rush.

Egg and Cheese Biscuit from Bojangles. Popped Potato Chips. Maple Leaf Cookie. Honey Black Tea.

Dinner is busy for a solo driver. But that's what I like about Sundays: I'm the only delivery driver on the clock besides the random help from Ming, the cook.

Apple. Fiberful Peanut Butter Chocolate Bar.

Delivering an order to Suhtai Court. It's hit or miss here; some people tip, some don't. I red-flagged this particular address as a non-tipper so I know what to expect and so I can slip in the bag one of those tipping memos that clearly states "Our Drivers Work For Tips". Anyway, this sweet and sassy black girl with the booty of the century answers the door. One of her male roommates is looking for money in the back. So I'm left waiting at the door with this girl. She's super attractive and she obviously knows it because she's wearing the tightest, shortest shorts I've ever seen. I don't even know what to say. Moving along...

This thick-accented Indian guy orders off Waterfront. I remember him ordering last night as well. The strange thing is when he answers the door his roommates are watching the transaction on the couch; one of them is recording video on their phone. The Indian guy acts overly friendly saying laughable things like, "What's up my nigga?" I'm not sure I understand what's happening here. Maybe they expect me to react or something. I guess I'll prepare a line when they order tomorrow night.

Off work and back home.

Leftover Cod Fillet. Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice. Maple Leaf Cookies.

Darren opens up a fortune cookie that reads, "Nothing happines [sic] unless first a dream."

[ii]

Sleep at some point.

---

[i] Pink Power Ranger. Peniche.

[ii] Image by me.

Saturday January 25 2014

[i]

Waking up freezing underneath the covers at 10:50 a.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Banana.

Kale and Arugula Salad with Tomatoes, Dried Cranberries, and Almonds. Popped Potato Chips. Honey Black Tea. Maple Leaf Cookie.

Listening to a Radiolab podcast with a theme on stress.

PB&J Chocolate Bar.

Delivering an order to the Sheraton on 35^th Street. When looking for the customer's room I walk by two middle-aged guys and one lady. I can see the alcohol heavy in their red eyes. They seem to be having a somewhat secretive discussion about something, maybe a conspiracy. They don't pay me much attention. Everything is said with sheer enthusiasm.

Apple.

Out of all the years that I've worked here I never once tasted the General Tso's Chicken. I realize this and decide to try it to see what all the fuss is about.

Off work and back home.

General Tso's Chicken with Broccoli and Fried Rice.

The boys are drinking hard downstairs. It's just Josh, Darren, and Kevin. I can hear their rumbles and hollering.

...

I allow Darren to use my computer to upload some music from his external hard drive onto his phone. In my room, he hits me with the usual questions, "What should I do, Robert?" It's mostly about this girl he says he'll never fall out of love with but the question also deals with his future. He's too smart for his own good, too smart for the world in some ways. He sees me as this wise experienced person with a positive outlook. He comes to me for life advice. Lately I've noticed a New York accent in his voice. He's obviously doing it on purpose but I don't know why. Maybe he feels it gives him more sass in his character.

I tell him how important it is that he let go of this energy sucking force he calls the love of his life. Get rid of any means of communication with her. Push forward and focus on his path. The idea of starting our own restaurant or food truck comes up. Maybe we should just do it. Either way this time I'm the one going on a rant about my observations in him.

Me: "You've got so much potential. I feel like you could do anything you wanted!"

This is a pivotal conversation between Darren and I about the state of his life, the state of things.

"It's coming to an end," he says.

Me: "Or a beginning."

Darren: "See, that's why I like you. You're always so positive."

...

I announce to the drinking kids, "I want to petition to have one night a week where everyone in the house is sober!"

Everybody protests, especially Darren, "Are you kidding me? I could not do that!"

Me: "Just one night, Darren, just one night every week where nobody in the house drinks. I think it would be good discipline."

Settling down in the bed with Ana. She doesn't expect much from me tonight as we didn't plan on spending time together but she wanted to be in Virginia Beach for an early meet-up with Stephanie in the morning. I'm exhausted. We briefly reflect on the day we had.

Me: "You are nothing but added joy to my life."

She doesn't believe me when I say such charming things but I always make clear that I mean what I say.

Sleep at 3:30 a.m.

---

[i] Image by me.

Friday January 24 2014

[i]

Waking up at 10:50 a.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

I always dread my car's first moments after starting it up. It's 19 degrees outside and I can see the carbon dioxide every time I breathe. It's as cold as it's ever been this season. My body is shivering into madness. Eventually I'm able to create a cozy little oven inside my car.

Leftover Pad Thai Noodles. Maple Leaf Cookie. Honey Black Tea.

Honeydew Melon.

After 5 o'clock an avalanche of orders come in. The new driver arrives early. It's non-stop all throughout dinner.

Salt n Vinegar Chips. Banana.

There're still patches of ice on the road that I have to look out for. The snow is disappearing slowly but you can still spot snow forts, snowmen, and even snow Orcas.

Fiberful Peanut Butter Chocolate Bar.

11 p.m. I finally cash out.

Tofu with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

I come downstairs to find Darren medicating himself with bottom-shelf vodka, nothing out of the norm except he's going through one of his heartbroken-woe-is-me kind of episodes. Earlier he told me about his failed attempt at visiting the love of his life in Richmond today. On the stereo Jim James croons the dining room air with the blues.

"Fuck you, Jim James!" Darren protests. "Fuck you and your hmm solos!"

His drunken self-pity isn't so destructive tonight but rather bright like one who has accepted his abyss. As I stand in the kitchen cleaning some dishes and prepping some food for tomorrow he smiles and says, "I see you standing there. I can tell when people are judging me." I stay silent and just keep a grin on.

"Oo. I'm silent Robert!"

I understand what he's going through and we all have our individual methods of expressing sorrow. He'll get through it and move on, just like everybody else.

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

---

[i] Image by me.

Thursday January 23 2014

[i]

Waking up around 1 p.m.

Sharing breakfast downstairs with Ana: Grapefruit. Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk. Darren doesn't seem to remember much of anything that happened to him the previous night up to a certain point. He apologizes for his obnoxious behavior.

Getting groceries with Ana. We meet up with Elliott at Brother's Pizza for a few slices.

Work at China Wok for a few hours.

When I get home I find a note from Ana sitting on my computer...

"Thank you for letting me stay with you for the past couple of days. We have been spending a lot of time together this week. I'm surprised and happy that you're not exhausted of my presence. I am still happy about the way things are between us. I know that it'll get even better over time. I want to be connected to you on every level. You are an amazing person that I only want to treat well. I care about you a lot. Thank you for everything! < 3 Khrizzia

PS Let's play more music!"

Researching how I can improve my vertical jump.

Cod Fillet. Black Beans, Rice, Baby Broccoli, and a little bit of Chicken Fajita Mix from Darren.

Watching Escape Plan (2013).

Playing guitar.

Honeydew Melon.

Sleep at some late hour.

---

[i] Image by me.

Wednesday January 22 2014

*

Waking up at 12:44 p.m.

The sun is shining bright keeping the snow manageable. It's beautiful looking out the window. 1435 snowed in.

*

Sharing breakfast with Ana: Grapefruit. Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

Ana: "I'm going to my car."

Darren: "You might not make it back...there's a lot of cocaine out there."

The clean up crew begins. I take care of picking up the living room and vacuuming. Josh and Ana organize and clean the record/craft shelf.

Kale Arugula Salad with Tomatoes, Dried Cranberries, and Almonds. Butternut Squash Soup. Cinnamon Raisin English Muffin with Vegan Cream Cheese. Honey Black Tea.

The roads are caked in icing, but not that sweet kind of icing you'd paste on cupcake tops or coffee shop pastries, a bitter cold icing that leads unsuspecting drivers off the side of the road.

At the neighborhood gym running – working out. Ana shows up a little later. She informs me of two incidents where she fell on the ice.

Apple.

Back at the house, candles are lit, mood lighting is set, and people trickle in for the Di Mi! House Show. I trek down the icy roads to pick up Rachel and Stephen. It's a humble gathering tonight. I feel like the cold weather inspires people to keep still and meditate, especially with the view of snow just outside the back patio door; it reminds us of how protected and safe we are inside. Darren takes on the role of MC and does a good job of reiterating respect and quietness during the show. After a few short performances by Megan Power, Leisa, Ken, and myself with Ana by my side, the musicians from Annapolis set up to play, Sarah Ellen and Thomas Beall – a melodic experimental acoustic sound with lots of harmonics and finger taps to the likes of Kaki King – and a soothing dark emotional electric steel guitar plugged through loop and effects pedals. As they pass off songs back and forth the overall mood of their music is tranquil and hypnotizing. Calm. Peaceful. It does something for me, as I'm sure it did for everyone else.

Sarah Ellen at Di Mi! 1435 House Show (Jan 22 2014)

Thomas Beall at Di Mi! 1435 House Show (Jan 22 2014)

*

*

†

†

†

†

†

Between all of us we were able to donate $64 to the travelers. They were grateful to be here and we were grateful to have them.

...

I had a few slices of Pizza from the pies Bob Vincent ordered but I'm still hungry. After some time lingering around, saying our goodbyes, and witnessing Darren protest an enthusiastic singing of "Closing Time" by breaking a mason jar on the floor, we reconvene at Rick's Café.

...

Present are myself, Ana, Will, Sasha, Laron, Ken, Pedro (the guy with the nice camera), Sunney, and three other dudes I don't know. On our side of the table: Will looks up everybody's compatibility and fortunes from the Chinese zodiac. Enjoying Pancakes and Coffee with Ana.

Back home in the bedroom recollecting with Ana...

Ana: "I enjoyed tonight the most when we were just listening to the music and not having to think or talk about anything, just listen."

I mention how often she's stayed here the past few nights in a row...

Me: "Yeah it's like a lock-in."

Ana: "You're not sick of me are you?"

Me: "Of course not!"

We cuddle and talk a lot before falling asleep.

---

[i] Images by me. 
[ii] Images taken by Ken or Pedro.

Tuesday January 21 2014

[i]

☼ ○ ▬

In search of a video store I cross through a building that leads to the other side of town, the hip youthful district. I come across some late 20-somethings who ask me what I'm doing here. I tell them I was looking for a video store but I find out it's closed today. One of them hands me a cigarette that's been almost completely smoked. I'm supposed to go back the way I came but I have to be extremely quiet and stealth when passing by this classroom with the door open. Getting lost in a big store of stylized furniture and décor. It never seems to end.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 1 p.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

Research.

Kale and Arugula Salad with Dried Cranberries and Almonds. Pretzel Bread with Vegan Cream Cheese. Honey Black Tea.

At the Rec Center for adult basketball. They cut us off short today because of inclement weather, closing about an hour early. But we get about four games in. There's a cocky ball hog on my team, however we achieve a winning streak except for one tie. It's snowing steadily outside, the first snow of the season. Little kids are running around with their tongues out waiting for their parents to pick them up. I've seen snow before; I've been to Russia.

Cantaloupe.

Ana comes over before the heaviest part of the snowstorm. In the kitchen I cook up Pad Thai Noodles with Mushrooms, Carrots, and Green Onions. Darren takes over the making of the spicy peanut sauce from scratch. Enjoying our meals together while Josh enjoys his Trader Joe's pizza. Sophie roams about hopping from lap to lap.

Upstairs in my room Ana and I rehearse songs together. Meanwhile, the snow sheds a white blanket across the city. We can hear the steady wind howl through the trees.

Downstairs, there's a quick fight between Darren and Kevin. Apparently, when a bunch of us went out to frolic in the snow Kevin grabbed Darren's expensive slippers and got them soaked. Darren, already a little irritated about other things, flips out on Kevin's incompetence and wallops him across the face with the shoe, then a few punches fly. Kevin's glasses snap and a lens gets lost. Later on, Darren apologizes and I help glue Kevin's glasses back together.

Sipping on some wine.

---

[i] Images by me.

Monday January 20 2014

[i]

Waking up at 1:14 p.m.

Grapefruit. Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

Errands.

Kale Arugula Tomato Salad with Balsamic Honey Dressing, Almonds, and Cranberries. Roasted Tomato Bread. Maple Leaf Cookies. Honey Black Tea.

Watching The Patriot (2000).

Ana and I go to the neighborhood gym, The Escape. Running the treadmill and lifting weights. Side by side doing sets. The fact that she doesn't like to be told what to do comes out a little bit but in a fun way.

Back at the house. I cook some Red Snapper Fillets with Rice. Darren made a Butternut Squash Soup from scratch. Ana and I enjoy dinner together at the table. Later, Will comes over. It's supposed to be Movie Monday night. Stephanie isn't attending because she's in the process of moving out. But that's a whole other story.

Putting on Charlie Countryman (2013), starring a more mature Shia LeBeouf. Darren lies on the yellow couch snuggled up with Sophie. Will, Ana, and I take the red leather couch. I'll quote a Rotten Tomatoes critic about the film: this "movie zigzags drunkenly between action-adventure and surreal comedy with some magical realism slopped over it like ketchup." Even thought the critic gave it a splat review I enjoyed the movie's mixture of genres. Charming and emotional.

In my room Ana lies on the bed wrapped up in her thick white jacket. I try to instigate a practice of the songs we sing together but her lack of enthusiasm is too apparent. This confuses me because we had already planned to do this at some point tonight as we're supposed to perform at the 1435 house show this Wednesday. Something's wrong with her and even though she's transparent I can't decipher the real issue. I know she's been dealing with a lot on her plate this month, e.g. quitting her job and getting a new one, seeing the doctor and acclimating to this hormonal medicine with multiple side effects, stress in our social circle. I understand and know all these things but she's still unwilling to really discuss them with me unless I pull it out of her. The biggest reason why she's apprehensive to sing with me on Wednesday has to do with physical appearance. The medicine is sort of draining her overall confidence. In my opinion I think she shouldn't be taking it. Antibiotics screw up the immune system and all that. I express my frustrations about her unwillingness to tell me what's on her mind. I know she understands where I'm coming from but it's hard for her to reveal that first light. Things get a little emotional as she stays curled up under the bookshelf, "Ana's Corner" as we adoringly established long ago. I comfort her with my arms. We stand up. She leans into my chest, which feels firm after the workout earlier.

I start swaying us and ask nonchalantly, "You wanna dance?"

She giggles. We slowly move left to right in the middle of my bedroom to no music or melody, like the rocking of a child in her mother's arms. She opens up and apologizes for closing up.

...

We migrate to the bed.

"Alright turn over," I tell her.

I thought massaging her back would help alleviate the stress. I glide my fingertips along her bareback and squeeze her neck and shoulders. After a good while of this it turns into sex. God knows this alleviates the stress also. We're comfortable now.

---

[i] Charlie Countryman Still.