Wednesday December 4 2013

Ana and Her Gingerbread House (Dec 4 2013)[i]

Waking up at 1:31 p.m.

Grapefruit. Frosted Shredded Wheat with Almond Milk.

After all these years I finally get rid of the red couch that survived the 1623 years and all the preceding years at 1435. We were all concerned there might be flea larvae embedded in the couch after Josh noticed Sophie came down with fleas yesterday after lying on the couch. We had a flea scare before and I took care of it with a good cleaning using diatomaceous earth but apparently the fleas have magical powers. I found a leather couch on Craigslist that I'll pick up tomorrow. For now I clean out the blanket corner and throw down a mixture of baking soda, salt, and lemon juice to sit over night.


Mixed Nuts and Craisins. Barbecue Popped Potato Chips. Honey Green Tea.

At the Rec Center working out and shooting hoops.


I cook homemade Pad Thai with Carrots, Baby Broccoli, Egg, Mushrooms, and Green Onions. Ana comes over with a bottle of bubbly Muscato. We enjoy dinner together. 


In my room Ana and I cuddle in the bed watching a cult classic film from 1982 called Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains. Sharing a bag of Popcorn. After it's over, she talks with Kevin on the back patio, confiding in him about something, while I tidy up. She returns to the bedroom, grabs her bag, and announces, "I'm gonna go."

Me: "Huh? What's wrong?"

She won't tell me. I always try to keep things light and stay somewhat playful. It helps a little bit but there really is something she's hiding. I don't pry or press but I stay focused on the goal, which is to make her feel comfortable enough to talk about it. I conjure up these metaphors to describe the situation she's created.

I'm the first paragraph on the first page of a story. You're the last paragraph on the last page and in between us is all this space. I don't know the ending but you do. And I need you to fill in those gaps to bring me to where you are.

I'm a rat in a maze, a maze that you created. And this rat checks around every corner, left and right; but he can't seem to find the exit. That's because there is no exit. You built the maze with no exit! And eventually, that rat is just gonna give up trying to find it. He's going to lose interest. That maze is a problem you created. All you have to do is put in the exit.

We reconvene outside by her car. During a beautiful moment of embrace she confesses her fear of being vulnerable is what keeps her from opening up. She tears up a little. I do my best to let her know I understand and that there's nothing to be afraid of. I'm hers and she's mine. Eventually she changes her mind about leaving and we settle down in the bed. It's been a long night.

[i] Image by me.

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