This is an open and unfiltered diary-style journal
on the life of James Robert Smith.
This blog will contain sometimes graphic experiences (both beautiful and ugly),
sometimes stark insight, and all honest and factual documentation of dreams, diet, activity, and thoughts.
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Maple Syrup, Raisins, and Kefir. Yerba Mate Tea.
Chores. Organizing.
Chic Pea Falafel Sandwich with Lettuce, Tomato, and Mustard. Potato Chips with Avocado. Oolong Tea. Chocolate Bar.
Teaching lessons at Music Makers. It's a huge day for me cause all my Monday lessons had to be rescheduled. I'm non-stop from 2:30 all the way to 8. Eating a Fuji Apple somewhere in between.
With one of my students who gets a little stressed out I tell them to take deep breaths with this, "Breathe in the flowers. Blow out the candles."
Ana and I both arrive home from work at the same time. Cooking dinner together: Tofu with Broccoli, Asparagus, Carrots, Brussel Sprouts, Onions, and Quinoa.
I continue doing chores: making bread, cleaning a futon mattress, grinding oatmeal, clothes, etc.
I tell Ana as I enter her room briefly to bring up her cup of tea, "Man, I just haven't stopped. I'm doing everything right now."
Ana: "Don't stop! Keep going."
Settling down at some point with Tea and catching up on our tour weekends.
Josiah and I are living in an apartment complex where Dave Hausmann is like the mayor or something. We go to drop off some trash at the dumpster. Josiah leaves the passenger side door ajar as we put it in reverse. One of the local guys accidentally gets hit by the door and gets flippant with us. He's a black gangster kid. I encourage Josiah to stay calm and just apologize but he responds with a hostile attitude that only makes the situation worse. Later on, I come out to my car to find a bunch of used carpet and garbage crammed inside. It must be payback from the kid. I get super upset about the whole thing. It's understood that the kid's father has been in jail for some time now. Dave has taken the kid under his wing. We're having some kind of meeting.
I ask Dave, "Did Josiah tell you what happened yesterday?"
He heard about it. I try to explain to him that the kid needs hard discipline and that he's been acting too soft on him. Dave seems to agree.
▬ ○ ☼
Waking up around 11 a.m. in Brock's bedroom with a hangover headache.
We say our adieus to Brock and his friend. I really love this guy – an all around lovely person to be around – funny, hospitable, and intelligent.
Bobby, Josiah, Bianca, and I drive up to Bedford Ave to get brunch at Peter Pan Donuts. Sharing breakfast sandwiches, Donuts, and Coffee. It's still cold in New York City and the rain continuously falls.
After what seems like hours of sitting in traffic in the city we manage to get on the highway and start our route back home.
Napping.
Somewhere in Delaware Josiah spots a brightly lit restaurant called Seafood City and turns the van around in haste. We dine in. We joke about how everyone in here is probably Trump supporters.
Ordering Fried Oysters with Peas and a Baked Potato.
I take the wheel the rest of the way home. The rain has been pouring all day and night long. I put on a bunch of podcasts to keep my brain engaged.
It's after 1 a.m. and I'm finally home in my room. I talked to Ana on the phone a little bit on the drive back cause I told her I needed to get right to settling down and going to bed.
Waking up well rested underneath a new plant friend in a homey pad in New York.
Ordering a Breakfast Burrito from Jesse's across the street. Sipping on some Yerba Mate and having afternoon conversations with everyone.
"I love it. I can be naked out in my yard. I mean, I put my naked butt on moss," Brock says as he describes the beauty of living in his house upstate.
Bobby, Bianca, and Josiah decide to hang back at the pad while I venture out in the city solo. It's a whopping 40 degrees. I've got my warm winter coat on and gloves. I was gonna take my Razor scooter but the wind is too brisk for that. First on my agenda is to get some new clothes at Buffalo Exchange on Driggs Avenue.
At Peter Pan Donuts, a place I always revisit anytime I'm here. Cheap, delicious, and fresh donuts. Old school diner vibe. Ukranian girls wearing uniform green and salmon colored aprons. Eating a Honey Dip and Blueberry Buttermilk. Taking my time sipping on a Coffee with Cream. Observing the Ukrainian man have a little argument with one of the employee girls. It's kind of entertaining for some of us at the booth.
I walk on looking for a quiet place. On the corner of Berry Street and Nassau Avenue there's a cozy workshop turned into a coffee shop. Wooden benches and tables community style. I spend a lot of time reflecting...
"I wanna get LOST," I write. "In other words I wanna travel. I wanna move. Anytime I get out of town for a few days it inspires me. The idea of moving out of Virginia Beach frightens and excites me. What happens if I leave all my roots behind and everything I've built falls apart? Can I return and pick up the pieces and re-establish myself? Do I have it in me to grow roots somewhere else? Do I need to? How necessary is it to see what's out there in the world? The one thing I don't like about it is the feeling that the grass is greener wherever I am not. The desire to receive a clean slate – to seek opportunities elsewhere. Sometimes I forget the control I have to just up and go, to leave everything behind. But it just doesn't seem plausible. I have all the tools I need at home to be happy and make the music I want to make.
It haunts me every day like a constant shrieking ghost on my shoulder, 'CREATE, ROBERT!!!'
I need to create! I'm stuck imitating everybody else. It pays the bills but that's not enough for me."
Solution: I write out a list of things I'd like to spend more time doing and then a list of things I already spend a lot of time doing.
...
It's time to go. I browse around and purchase a couple bars of local soap, one cedar and one goat's milk.
Walking. Walking. Walking.
I find a store called Cacao Market dedicated to all things chocolate. I buy a couple treats to give Ana.
In the subway a man strokes a black cello making an earthy therapeutic sound.
Making my way to the vicinity of the venue. Stopping in this café called Bake Shop. I fill up on a bowl of Quinoa Veggie Bean Chili and a Buttered Bagel.
We're playing at a fairly new venue in Bushwick called Gold Sounds featuring Ben Seretan Group, Fieldings, Ladada, Suburban Living, and The Due Diligence. Skippy, Danny Rogers, Leisa, and her friend Amy make it out along with other friends of friends. The bar is out of all their well drinks. I was gonna get a Crispin but the bartender recommends another cider with a Jack of spades on it. It's a lot dryer and absolutely great. The first two bands put us all in a pleasantly mellow mood. I describe Fieldings as the ultimate lullaby. By the time we get up on the stage the rock n roll energy is hard to muster. But we do our best and it's a good response. Suburban Living rocks the stage next. Then The Due Diligence. Isaac's child-like charismatic nature is hard to ignore. He passes out LED rainbow colored tambourines for everyone to play.
I keep kicking the ciders back – four in total – they start to kick in – I'm on a good buzz.
Our crew is down to myself, Josiah, Danny, Bianca, Skippy, Brock, and two of his friends. Checking out The Three Diamond Door a couple blocks down the street. In the back room there's a smaller bar where things start getting hazy. I'm fully lit as I've never been before. 90's hip-hop and pop songs are blaring on the speakers. We dance, dance, dance. The strangers around us become instant friends as we sing along to familiar tunes. It's not often I get the chance to let myself go and get loose. One girl in particular is all over the place constantly taking on and off her jacket and other people's jackets. She shows me an Instagram for her lingerie company that's all about female empowerment or something.
"I'm just tired of meeting guys," she yells into my ear. "I'm tired of meeting guys who just leave – I want them to know who I am!"
I just listen to her, treat her like a sister, and tell her I understand. It's a good time until they kick us all out after 2 a.m.
Josiah texts me, "Hey we're next door at the Mexican."
I run over there. The guy behind the counter offers to sell me a box of Pork Tacos that they made on accident for only $5. I take it cause I'm drunk and need food in my body.
Driving back to Brock's pad. We bring in the futon mattress and a bunch of us pile into his bedroom. Bobby and Bryant hang out on the futon catching up on life and complaining about the fragility of their sex life as they get older. I fall asleep listening...
At around 7:30 a.m. I wake up from Josiah and Bianca's cramped couch. Bobby shows up. We all pile into Josiah's newly purchased blue 1993 Astro van. The dashboard looks like something from Tron.
We've got the black futon mattress spread out on the floor. I sleep as much as I can while Bobby takes the wheel. In route to New York.
Waking up somewhere in Delaware. Enjoying a few Oatmeal Almond Bars and a Banana.
At some point Bobby and Josiah share and compare stories of altered consciousness.
"I can control energy and feel it. Actually I've used the dark side before," Josiah says as he describes an experience he had by the dumpster at Taphouse where he warded off unwanted company.
Eventually, we stop at one of the many stops on the New Jersey Turnpike – they all look the same.
"This place is so American," I say to Bobby as we walk in. "It's just like a melting pot. You can tell we're close to the city."
I manage to get a cup of hot water to make my Yerba Mate Tea.
The drive continues with constant music in the background and story telling.
After what seemed like a short trip to New York City we make it to Manhattan.
First thing on our agenda is to check out the Kate Werble Gallery. Bobby's friend, Brock Enright, has an exhibition here. It's a wonderful arrangement of mixed media pieces that to me convey a sense of submersion into, or out of, things. Bobby uses the word penetration. But all the color choices and objects are engrossing. We're all amazed, especially Bobby because it's a real close friend of his. It brings a tear to his eye.
Bianca knows of a place called Superiority Burger, an extremely small cramped basement restaurant in the East Village that serves a strictly vegan/vegetarian menu. We all order a variety of things. I get the Sloppy Dave.
We keep walking around sort of aimlessly – not really knowing where and what we're looking for. We stop in whatever bars look interesting. While Bobby, Bianca, and Josiah do their thing in a bar I stroll over to Tompkins Square Park and observe wall ball and basketball games.
I manage to get a hold of Kofi, who used to live in Virginia Beach and now lives in Brooklyn.
Kofi directs us to a pizza joint in Williamsburg. We enjoy a couple slices and sip beers.
Kofi: "Stroke a guitar and you will go far!"
After some intense indecision on what we should do for the rest of the night we settle on attending a rock show at a DIY venue called Aviv in Bushwick. We've never heard any of these bands before. From the outside you wouldn't think anything would be happening in this warehouse district of the city. But past one white door you enter a dimly lit space full of hot air and smoke. All the people here look black and white or almost like shadows.
Bands on the bill: No Ice, Beach Craft Bonanza, Junk Boys, and The Men. The music is straight up rock n roll in your face.
While watching the packed room engage in the larger than life music on the stage I start reflecting on the things I'm doing in my life musically. It's probably just the fact that I'm away from Virginia and in a big city such as New York that makes me question where I'm living. But I can't shake the idea of just up and moving away from my roots. I feel inspired. Traveling always gets me in that way. I can feel the rock n roll life calling me from a distance – being in a touring band again and such. I just wanna be on stage wailing on songs that speak to me or mean something, stuff I have a say in creatively, music that speaks to my generation. And I'm able to get a taste of that with Ladada. So I'm glad I'm here and I'm glad I'm playing a show tomorrow night.
We meet up at Brock's pad down the street where we'll be sleeping.
Josiah can't control the volume of his voice. It becomes a very humorous situation but we have to continually reiterate how important it is to keep his voice down as to not wake the babies on the floor beneath us.
Bobby and I take the pullout bed in the living room next to Brock. The earplugs go in to block out Bobby's slumber snores and morning conversations.
I told Anthony I'd make him breakfast. Making my usual Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Maple Syrup, Raisins, and Kefir. Yerba Mate Tea.
"This is the breakfast of James Robert Smith...the breakfast of champions," I tell him.
He looks at the mug of Yerba Mate and asks, "What is this? Am I gonna turn into a Trader Joe?"
Me: "A Joe Trader actually!"
We catch up on current events in each other's lives.
I was supposed to teach a few in-home lessons today but I decide to cancel them so I can spend more time with Anthony and get some things in order.
"It smells like my dad's car in the 90's," Anthony spouts out as soon as he plops into the passenger seat. I show him the Music Makers rehearsal space. We haul the Melodigrand piano in the back of my car and into the house. Another piano is just what we needed in this house. Not like we already have two. Now we have three. But this one is in tune.
Later, on the basketball courts shooting around with Anthony just like old times.
Eating leftovers for dinner: Tempeh with Brussel Sprouts, Cauliflower, Onions, and Basmati Rice.
Ladada is having our album release show at Toast in Norfolk. Other bands performing: Wyteshayds, Glass Pennies, and Old Baby. They just opened up the warehouse space right next door to the bar. It's crowded. Seeing lots of old friends.
The first couple bands offer the harder side of musical things. It's a good time. I wrap the wig around my head and strap on the bass for the Ladada performance. Midway Josiah's amp suddenly falls behind his speaker cab causing the power to go out temporarily and causing his amp to no longer function. We borrow an amp and finish out the show.
My nose starts to get irritated from all the pollen in the air. I'm forced to keep a box of tissues at my side.
At Josiah and Bianca's apartment to spend the night before we head to NY tomorrow morning.
Steel Cut Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Maple Syrup, Strawberries, and Kefir. Yerba Mate Tea.
The yellow pollen dusts all of our cars.
Organizing – helping Ana pack for the tour she's going on with You're Jovian. Elliott rolls up in his big blue tour van wearing a straw hat and a full red beard. Ana and I kiss and hug goodbye.
"I want booty pics now!" I tell her.
Chic Pea Falafel Sandwich with Lettuce, Mustard, and Tomato. Corn Tortilla Chips with Avocado and Tomato. Oolong Tea.
Anthony shows up at the house. He's gonna be here for the next couple days. Kevin arrives back from a strenuous bike ride. The smell of wood fire and beer fills the air in his bedroom. While Anthony sings in the shower Kevin reclines on his couch to edit photos...
Teaching lessons at Music Makers.
Adult basketball at the Rec. Wearing out my legs and knees.
Tempeh with Roasted Cauliflower, Brussel Sprouts, Onions, and Brown Rice.
It's weird knowing Ana's not coming home for dinner.
I text her, "Dinner was lonely without you."
Ladada rehearsal at the Tidewater storage unit with Josiah and Bobby.
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Maca Powder, Honey, Raisins, and Kefir. Yerba Mate Tea.
Working out at the Rec.
Scrambled Eggs. Toast with Non-Dairy Cream Cheese. Corn Tortilla Chips with Avocado and Tomato. Vega Protein Drink.
Watching Mojave (2015).
Teaching lessons at Music Makers.
Dried Mango. Oolong Tea.
Getting groceries at Trader Joe's. "Mr. Ana!" they call me cause I'm Ana's boyfriend.
More lessons.
Dinner: Black Bean Rotini and Brown Rice Quinoa Spaghetti with Green Peppers, Onions, and a Salad.
The Shreveport boys are in town and Skippy's throwing a bonfire over at his parent's place. I grab a bottle of White Wine and join in on the reunion. James Graves, Richie Howard, Skippy Shoals, Anthony the hype man, Allyson Keck, Kevin Moore, and so on. James's two sisters, Angel and Lindsey, show up later. Oh, Rachel Rephan and Jerome! After Ana gets off work she rolls over. We tend the fire and blare the tunes, deejayed consistently by Anthony. It's good to see these kids all in one place.
On the drive back home Kevin tags along in the passenger seat. He's pretty drunk. He keeps reiterating how much he loves me like a brother and how he's aware of how irresponsible he is in regards to finances and chores, that it's all unintentional.
"If you're ever in a bind I got your back," he keeps saying.
"I appreciate that. That's what friends are for."
Back home. Rinsing my body off from all the fiery fumes.
