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12:45pm I wake up.
Dream: I’m at a gas station at night. My Dad is in the car next to a pump, I’m standing outside near the car, and my Mom is sitting on the ground close by. My Mom seemed sad and I’m scolding my Dad for the way he treated her in the past. I mention something about how he should share American cheese with her.
Margot and I go to Doc Taylor’s at the beach for breakfast: I eat French Toast, Scrambled Eggs, Bacon, and Orange Juice.
I get two Valentine’s Day cards in the mail from my Mom. Every significant holiday she never fails to include a funny one along with a serious one.
In the serious one she says, “Even when I am gone I know you will know my love is with you.”
This is the first time death has ever been mentioned in her cards. I’ve thought about this before but it hit me again. My eyes and stomach feel heavy and my hands a little shaky. The idea of her physical presence being unavailable to me is a cut straight through the heart. She’s the closest person I have. The older you get the more and more you appreciate your family.
Work at China Wok. I pack some leftover Cabbage & Potato Skillet with Honey Green Tea for dinner.
I get a ticket for running a stop sign (my first ticket in at least 5 years).
I eat a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal.
Everyone comes over for our Un-Valentine’s Day get-together. Teeth [2007] and The Big Lebowski [1998] are enjoyed on TV.
I make a Garlic Grilled Cheese Sandwich with Basil.
“I’m sorry I act so dead sometimes.”
And sometimes I lose feeling…
“Do what you want with me.”
But never when I’m in your clouds.
5am sleep.
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